Movies In The Attic

Dudikoff double feature

2010-12-09T18:38:00.000-08:00

The Human Shield
(1992) * * *

Cast:Michael Dudikoff, Tommy Hinkley, Steve Inwood

Directed by Ted Post

Dudikoff stars as a Iraq war vet who returns to Iraq to rescue his brother who has been taken hostage by a Saddam Hussein look-a-like (Inwood) in this surprisingly suspenseful and better than average Dudikoff action flick. While Dudikoff leaves the ninja pajamas home the transition of darker material and suspense make this far better than what you would expect from Dudikoff. The action is well staged, Steve Inwood makes for a good villain and the film actually goes a step further by making the Arabs not cut and dry evil, as even the brother’s guard is seen to be three-dimensional. The Human Shield isn’t without it’s flaws, for one the movie’s revenge angle plays fine until you think about it, mainly why Hinkley would be in a country in the first place where a man that is high ranking official in the army has a vendetta against your brother but for what it’s worth, The Human Shield is an agreeable mix of action and intrigue. Indeed it might not be perfect but it is a step in the right direction for a man trying to get beyond the ninja stars and black jammies.

The Shooter (1997) * * *

Cast:Michael Dudikoff, Randy Travis, William Smith, Valerie Wildman, Andrew Stevens

Directed by Fred Olen Ray

For a change of pace Dudikoff has actually made a decent movie after such uninspired fare as Crash Dive and Chain Of Command, Dudikoff ventures out to the Western genre and for the most part is well suited to such. The Shooter is a fairly standard story in which Dudikoff plays a Civil War hero who rescues a hooker from a beating, by killing the son of a town’s crime boss (Smith) to which Dudikoff is tortured and along the way a mysterious gun slinger (Travis) may have a score to settle with Dudikoff as well. The Shooter is not in the same league as say Good The Bad And The Ugly or even Django but it is a rather interesting Western and one that has well made and well acted. The simple story is simply the same old stuff, but the actors make their characters believable and even Smith manages to make his character more than one dimensional. Travis though is a standout, making for a worthy advesary, Dudikoff meanwhile fares well in this environment. The shootouts are well staged and The Shooter then is a fairly decent Dudikoff flick all things considered.

Stallone binge

2010-12-09T18:03:00.000-08:00

Cobra
(1986) * * *

Cast:Sylvester Stallone, Brigitte Nielsen, Reni Santoni, Andrew Robinson, Brian Thompson, Art La Fleur

Stallone stars as Marion “Cobra” Cobretti, a shirt ripping, match chewing, (80s) shade wearing one man army cop who protects a supermodel (Nielsen) against a gang of night slashers who kill at random so that a new order can be born. Suffice to say Stallone keeps butting heads with liberal cop (Robinson) and his superiors (La Feur) who finally just give him the okay to just go out and do what he does best, and what does Cobra do? He packs a machine gun with laser sight, fires tons of ammo and just kicks ass and takes name in this enjoyable actioner that makes Death Wish 3 seem restrained and A-political at times. As far as plot goes, Cobra doesn’t have a lot of credibility, for instance the whole point of spreading chaos and spreading a new order (Which is this violent militia’s goal) would mean to have witnesses, so why they hunt Nielsen is anyone’s guess. Meanwhile the fascist overtones and ridiculous final monotone about the court systems all add up into a highly charged political debate that makes little sense but to provide violence. Cobra is very well put together, the action sequences are spectacular and exciting. Indeed Stallone is even less animated than usual, as he makes Rambo seem whiny by comparison. In terms of Death Wish rip offs (And this is a Death Wish rip off, more so than a Dirty Harry rip off) Stallone knows how to sell it well, and in that Cobra is one of the better bodycount movies of the genre.

Tango & Cash (1989) * *

Cast:Sylvester Stallone, Kurt Russell, Jack Palance, Teri Hatcher,Michael J. Pollard, Brion James, James Hong, Geoffrey Lewis

Forgettable formula cop stuff has Stallone and Russell as the title cops who end up joining forces to do battle with crime boss named Yves Perret (Palance) after setting up our two cops on a bum rap, Tango and Cash clear their names with wholesale slaughter. The action is only adequate but frequent enough to make it at least somewhat watchable, the thing that sinks Tango and Cash is the forced comedy. Stallone in particular has no idea how to deliver a Schwarzenegger one liner, indeed Stallone isn’t funny, he worked fine with Demolition Man, but when he is actually asked to make jokes the result is just painful. Russell overdoes it as well, and the problem is that Sly Stallone and Kurt Russell really don’t have chemistry, indeed it is so forced. Jack Palance though is generally great as is Brion James and Michael J. Pollard, Tango & Cash is just not fresh enough to work. They can’t all be Lethal Weapons and this one sure as hell isn’t.

Demolition Man (1993) * * *

Cast:Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes, Sandra Bullock, Nigel Hawthorne, Benjamin Bratt, Denis Leary

Directed by Marco Brambilla

Super cop John Spartan (Stallone) is unthawed from suspended animation to take on a super criminal Simon Phoenix (Snipes) who has escaped from the prison, seems that the new society is politically correct, and everything that is bad for you is illegal, indeed you are fined for profanity, suffice to say Phoenix is a bad guy that nobody in this world can take, Spartan meanwhile finds it hard to adapt to the new P.C life and finds out that there is a conspiracy to bring Phoenix out to take out a rebel underground led by Leary. Demolition Man is one of Stallone’s better efforts by far. The action element is sort of overblown (though well staged) but it’s the comic element that make this so fun. In fact the Utopian society that Stallone wakes into provides a great backdrop to contrast against Stallone. Demolition Man also features Stallone in good form. Indeed where as he was awful in Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot, here Stallone does comedy effortlessly. Bullock also provides solid back up with an inspired performance and Snipes provides a great villain with a sense of humor. Demolition Man then is more entertaining than people made out at the time is one of Stallone’s underrated flicks.

Assassins (1995) *
Cast:Sylvester Stallone, Antonio Banderas, Julianne Moore

Directed by Richard Donner

With this much talent involved, Assassins should’ve been a classic, the director of Superman and Lethal Weapon 1 and 2, teaming up with Rambo and El Mariachi in a film that is no doubt the lowest point in their collective careers. Assassins revolves around an assassin (Who wants out of the biz, as no cliché is left unturned) who starts a bitter rivalry with an upcoming assassin and in the process joins with a computer hacker (Moore) Ugh what a stinker this movie is. There is hardly any action and what there is comes from the bigger is better school of thinking, making it that much more mindless and boring. The movie leaves no assassin cliché unturned, there is no element here that wasn’t done better in the Charles Bronson classic The Mechanic. The mid 1990s were a low point for the action genre and movies like Assassins are why. The biggest tragedy in all of this is that this from people who know better and so when this movie bombed big time at the U.S box office, it was seen as an act of mercy.

Van Damme double feature

2010-12-09T17:53:00.000-08:00

Death Warrant (1990) * * *

Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Robert Guillaume, Cynthia Gibb, George Dickerson, Art LaFleur, Patrick Kilpatrick, Joshua Miller, Conrad Dunn, Abdul Salaam El Razzac

Directed by Deran Sarafian

Van Damme goes undercover in prison to put the foot down (literally) on the warden and such who are harvesting organs while trying hard to keep his cover, which will be tough as The serial killer sandman (Kilpatrick in an excellent performance) he put away is transferred into his cell. Death Warrant is yet another classic Van Damage film, and really Van Damme at his peak is essentially what makes Death Warrant a must for genre fans. However it should be noted that this is actually Van Damme’s best made film, it’s a low budget but slick film with a (welcome) brutal edge. Real stakes are being played and Van Damme feels vulnerable and not exactly a superman. Indeed the finale is suspenseful, well lit and actually quite suspenseful. That said Death Warrant doesn’t start out well, it seems like it’s going to be standard prison clichés and the standard undercover plot, but once Van Damme goes behind bars the film kicks into high gear. Most of this atmosphere makes Death Warrant seem gloom and doom, but the movie is well acted and the characters (mainly Guillaume, Dunn and Razzac) that make the prison environment feel real. Sarafian manages to set up suspense and really the movie is a heavy duty action flick that is actually a half way decent film, and not just a good Van Damme flick. Death Warrant then follows a predictable formula, but given the atmosphere and emphasis on grittiness, the formula works.

Double Impact (1991) * * *

Cast:Jean-Claude Van Damme, Geoffrey Lewis, Cory Everson, Bolo Yeung, Alan Scarfe, Alonna Shaw

Directed by Sheldon Lettich

Van Damme plays twin brothers (and martial arts experts) who join forces to take back the big business bad guys and triads who killed their parents and stole the million dollar tunnel that they own, of course the business baddies aren’t going down with a fight but JCVD (x2) knows how to pack a punch and is bringing out the guns. Double Impact is a lot of fun because it’s essentially a gimmick martial arts film but one that works. There really is no reason to talk about the plot and story because it just serves to showcase kung fu battles as two Van Dammes destroy bad guys by the hundreds. Indeed the climax finds Van Damme fighting Bolo Yeung (Possibly looking for vengeance after Bloodsport) and the overall ship climax became ripped off repeatedly in other DTV kung fu movies (Back In Action and Deadly Target to name a few) The flick also features a great scene where Van Damme takes on himself in a completely ridiculous sequence set up by even more ridiculous circumstances (Van Damme #2 thinks Van Damme #1 is sleeping with his girlfriend in one of the most hilarious sex scenes ever) so it all leads to both of them feuding and Van Damme #1 saying how he’ll swim back to L.A The action element is what really makes this worth seeing, it’s all well made and well directed and although the film is really goofy and ridiculous, it doesn’t take away from the movie, in fact it makes Double Impact a fun martial arts flick.

Alien Vs Predator series

2010-12-09T17:48:00.000-08:00

Alien Vs Predator (2004) * 1/2

Cast:Sanaa Lathan, Lance Henriksen, Raoul Bava

Directed by Paul W. Anderson

Extremely disappointing monster bash finds a bunch of archaeologists going to some Artic area where an Alien nest is located, after the aliens have wiped out the cast, the last scientist joins forces with the Predators on a really lame hunting trip. Wow, what a disaster. You just can’t make a PG-13 Aliens or Predator movie because it just mutes what made the others so effective. The big problem here is that all of the action has been watered down, the suspense level is completely non-existant and to make matters worse the movie doesn’t feature a human element that you could see standing tall against the Aliens. Indeed Sanaa Lathan is an alright actress but she doesn’t have an action presence like Sigourney Weaver. We are supposed to be with the Predator, but they come off as serious wusses. Indeed the only good thing about this movie is that it made others realize that Predator 2 wasn’t so bad. Alien Vs Predator is an awful movie, based on a great premise. This is really bad stuff, and I liked Anderson’s work in Mortal Kombat. No suspense, no real action, basically we are left with yet another mindless product that does little that hasn’t been done before, and nothing that is entertaining.

Alien Vs Predator: Requiem (2007) *

Cast:Steven Pasquale, Robert Joy, Reiko Aylesworth

Aliens fight Predators in a small town in what is basically the same mix as before, although even being R rated doesn’t work because the movie just has such a low degree of style. This is one of the most boring and completely lame sequels to ever come out. There is no attempt to develop the characters, the gore is laughable and lame and the action element stinks. Really the only good thing to say is that this abortion is what killed the AvP franchise once and for all. Indeed these movies are so piss poor, I refuse to include them as part of the Alien and Predator series. Some people enjoy a fun bad movie (I am one of them) but this is too lifeless and too unimaginative to enjoy, on all levels this is much worse than its lousy predecessor and that really says a lot.

Predator series

2010-12-09T17:43:00.000-08:00

Predator (1987) * * *1/2

Cast:Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, Bill Duke, Jesse Ventura, R.G Armstrong, Kevin Peter Hall

Directed by John McTiernan

A macho CIA Rescue unit led by Schwarzenegger and Weathers, end up doing battle with an intergalactic hunter who sees them as big game, and in the process starts picking off the commandos one by one. Predator is of course a classic of the genre but it’s not for the action as much as it is for the suspense. Certainly the macho element provides a great focal point as such starts to crumble in the face of a new challenger but nobody seems to remember how suspenseful the narrative is, one great touch for instance is that we don’t see the Predator until the end. Indeed it’s hard to believe that this was once not only a great action flick but also a great Sci-Fi flick. Predator is really no different than Aliens via Most Dangerous Game but Schwarzenegger and Co. really kick this into high gear. The Predator is an excellent creation and the final fight sequences where Schwarzenegger relies on booby traps and Rambo-like survival tactics to draw the Predator out is as good as action movies get, and in terms of suspense you really can’t go wrong with Predator.

Predator 2 (1990) * * *

Cast: Danny Glover, Gary Busey, Maria Conchita Alonzo, Bill Paxton, Ruben Blades, Robert Davi, Adam Baldwin, Morton Downey Jr.

Directed by Stephen Hopkins

Predator 2 features Danny Glover as a super cop in L.A where Jamaican drug lords and Colombian drug lords battle it out in a war zone which of course attracts everyone’s favorite alien hunter making it a 4 way battle between the cops, gangs and the new player in the game. Predator 2 isn’t quite as good as the original (the suspense just isn’t as sharp) but this overly maligned sequel is far better than most made out at the time. The most effective element is that it’s more of a rip off of Robocop/Mad Max in a lot of ways. Indeed the backdrop is effectively gritty and for the most part Predator 2 is well paced, and features some exciting moments and Glover makes for a vulnerable hero. If anything else Glover recalls a Blaxploitation flick great like Fred Williamson and with that element taking on the Predator, there are some good stakes being played. The thing is Glover is very good in the role, without Glover’s strong presence, Predator 2 would falter but thanks to Glover’s charisma Predator 2 makes for a likable outing. Another thing in Predator 2’s favor is that the good cast sells the concept, Gary Busey in particular provides great back up as the rogue FBI agent trying to capture the Predator, indeed Predator 2 would’ve benefited from a better ending and more explanation as to how the city got to be a war zone, but overall this is the second best of the series and is a worthy if not always successful sequel.

Predators (2010) * * *

Cast: Adrien Brody, Topher Grace, Alice Braga, Laurence Fishbourne, Danny Trejo, Oleg Taktarov, Louis Ozawa Changchien

Directed by Nimrod Antal

This time a group of anonymous people wake up on Predator Island, where they are systematically hunted, however the predators have hand picked their prey as the game feature mercenaries, snipers, serial killers, rapists, drug lords and a slew of crazies, meanwhile a slew of predators pick the characters off one by one. Surprisingly this sequel ends on a rather downbeat note. Predators does feature a somewhat miscast Adrien Brody (who looks like Roy Scheider at times) but Changchien, Trejo and Braga work well in the role. Topher Grace is another huge gaping miscasting, especially since he is armed with a scalpel and 100 lbs at most. Indeed he isn’t going to do much damage against predators, also the film follows the original a little too much as the Predator planet is too similar in look to the one in the first. Also Laurence Fishbourne’s character seems too shoehorned in and doesn’t play that good of a role other than to provide yet another obstacle for our heroes. That said there are some good touches such as the tracking dogs, the action is well staged and in fact quite suspenseful. The real problem is that the Predators themselves are such bad asses that you have to put them up against someone like Arnold (Or at least Danny Glover) Brody and Co. are just not nearly as believable as prey that Arnold and Danny were. That said, the movie is relatively enjoyable, it’s just that this could’ve been and should’ve been better.

Arnold double feature

2010-12-09T17:38:00.000-08:00

Commando (1985) * * * *

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rae Dawn Chong, Dan Hedaya, Vernon Wells,David Patrick Kelly, Bill Duke, Alyssa Milano

Directed by Mark L. Lester

Schwarzenegger declares war and kills everyone who practically moves in his quest to destroy an ousted dictator who kidnapped his daughter, and to get revenge on his friend Bennett (Wells) who betrayed him, while trying to get there in time to save his daughter with the help of a Flight Attendant (Pilot in training) All you really need to know is that Schwarzenegger flexes his muscles, shoots at least 500 people and then when he runs out of bullets uses pitchforks, machetes and a skillsaw blades to scalp, amputate and slaughter anonymous bad guys without blinking. In other words this is classic Schwarzenegger brought to us from the same guy who gave us the equally excellent Class Of 1984. The anything goes finale is basically the highlight but there is much to enjoy such as when Schwarzenegger actually rips out a phonebooth with a bad guy in it and then chuck it over his shoulder, or the way Schwarzenegger gets hit by a car and yet keeps going (Making this the second movie in a row where Schwarzenegger was hit by a car) The best part of Commando is simply the fact that it is nothing more than just a turkey shoot and really you can’t go wrong with that. While Rambo:First Blood Part II was the more popular of the two, this one was the more fun of the two, but why not make time for both? If anything else this is what led to the greatness of 80s Action and you really can’t go wrong with Commando. Indeed Lester’s subsequent efforts Class Of 1999, Showdown In Little Tokyo and Night Of The Running Man while not as good as results of this and Class Of 1984, are still well worth seeing.

Total Recall (1990) * * *1/2

Cast:Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rachel Ticotin, Ronny Cox, Michael Ironside, Sharon Stone

Directed by Paul Verhoeven

Schwarzenegger stars as Quaid, a seemingly everyday construction worker plagued by nightmares of Mars, despite the reluctance of his wife (Stone) Quaid gets an artifical vacation but ends up awakening the past and remembers he was a secret agent while all of a sudden everyone is trying to kill him and now Quaid has to somehow overthrow Cohaagen (Cox) and his first lieutenant Richter (Ironside) Total Recall is a good action movie, but it’s a classic for Science Fiction. The best element is that Verhoeven films the action without let up but he also takes the time to add novel touches like the Johnny Cab, The whole idea of Artificial vacations and how Verhoeven toys with whether Schwarzenegger is dreaming or not, then things get truly even more mind bending when we learn of mutants and an reactor that will save everyone Mars (as you have to buy air) Total Recall is a smart and intriguing story wrapped up in action spectacle, indeed if there is a flaw it could be that the film doesn’t develop the elements as much as you would like. For instance Schwarzenegger’s past is not really explained and the whole twists and turns sometimes provide plot holes, such as why Schwarzenegger would get that much help from double agents or for that matter what the rebels do to well, rebel. The best element is that Total Recall gets wilder and crazier with every minute, as to create a surreal movie, Indeed the film though feels like an acid trip but that adds to the fun factor and Total Recall still holds up well twenty years later and remains one of Schwarzenegger’s all time best.

2010-12-09T17:32:00.000-08:00

Invasion USA (1985) * * *

Cast:Chuck Norris, Richard Lynch, Melissa Prophet, Alex Colon

Directed by Joseph Zito

“America wasn’t ready…but he was!” said the tagline to one of the most outrageous and completely ridiculous bodycount-actioners ever made. Invasion USA breaks away from Norris’ usual martial arts swagger in favor of one man army antics and the result is in parts hilarious and entertaining. Invasion USA is actually a lot more fun as a time capsule than you might expect, for instance this was laughable in the 80s but now it’s just evolved into classic bodycount camp. The big thing is that the movie is pretty much the Chuck Norris Facts:The Movie, we witness Norris drive cars through malls and shoot his uzis at anonymous militia mercenaries (it’s not even really the Russians, though the leader is a Russian) led by grim faced America value hating Richard Lynch. What makes Invasion USA so enjoyably bad is the set up scenes as when the mercenaries blow up the suburbs on Christmas day, they try to blow up a school bus with kids only to have Norris (completely un-phased, may I add) take the bomb off the boss and then nonchalantly put it on the terrorist’s car quipping “Did you lose this” Invasion USA also opens with the slaughter of Cuban immigrants in what would be at home as a parody of border patrol in some futuristic movie. However Invasion USA is technically well made. The production values are slick, the action sequences are exciting and often well put together and the whole movie is paced pretty well. Joseph Zito then films such action at a brisk pace and the final showdown with the National Guard which leads to a the duel with bazookas (Of course) make this one of the most entertaining flicks from Norris’ catalog. Indeed, it feels like a PM movie made in the Reagan era because everything blows up real good. A guilty pleasure then perhaps but there is something that feels so bad it feels good.

Cynthia Rothrock binge

2010-12-08T02:27:00.000-08:00

Above The Law
(1986) * * * 1/2

Cast:Yuen Biao, Cynthia Rothrock, Corey Yuen, Roy Chiao, Siu Wong-Fan, James Tien, Karen Shepherd

Directed by Corey Yuen

A kung fu lawyer (Biao) turns vigilante after being upset over how triads can buy the judge, however dogging him on the way is Interpol agent (Rothrock) who doesn’t want anyone to take the law into their own hands and who gives as good as she gets, Above The Law (AKA Righting Wrongs) is an excellent martial arts movie that features some of the best fight sequences ever staged, indeed where as Jackie Chan has the best stunts in Police Story and such, this has some of the best fight choreography as there is no shortage of suspense and the imagination in these fight sequences make this a must see for kung fu fans. The story is also developed and provides a narrative that doesn’t follow the predictable path (Especially the ending) and while the motivation for Biao is standard stuff, the actual investigation that features an honest cop (played by Yuen) actually provides some actual drama that makes you feel for the characters. I must repeat that the fight sequences are truly spectacular and thrilling, there is nothing you’ve seen before and it makes for a satisfying mix. Yuen Biao is one of the most underrated martial artists but he is also a very good actor as well, Rothrock too works extremely well and basically because we care about the characters we are actually involved in what happens to them. The biggest tragedy is that Above The Law was harder to find back in the day, where the typically lame Rothrock American made movies were always there. Above The Law though is an excellent movie, I really don’t know how to review it without turning such into repetitive compliments, but trust me this is one of the all time greats of the martial arts genre and if you haven’t seen this, you really should. Above The Law also ranks as Rothrock’s best movie to date.

Lady Dragon (1992) * *

Cast: Cynthia Rothrock, Richard Norton, Robert Ginty

Directed by David Worth

Rothrock plays an ex-CIA agent who goes looking for vengeance against the drug lord (Norton) who killed her husband and raped her while her ex-boss (Ginty) might have something to do with things in this uninspired Rothrock vengeance saga. The plot tells you all you need to know and you plug in a few fight sequences which are adequately staged but don’t really salvage this strictly formula kung fu flick. Indeed even the novel idea of a woman doing the avenging plays no part as the film makes no difference to the gender of the characters. The one thing Lady Dragon has in its favor is a charismatic leading lady who deserves better material to work with, and a cast of decent actors such as Richard Norton and Robert Ginty who are clearly wasted by Lady Dragon’s completely lame story. Ginty’s appearance is ultimately disappointing because he doesn’t really get to much of anything and his character is a stock role that is bland and forgettable. Lady Dragon aside from the nifty title, a few moments of decent (low rent) action and the three actors make this film tolerable but not very memorable. The Indonesian locations are poorly shot and the film looks really cheap as well making this film one for Rothrock die hards only.

Lady Dragon 2 (1994) *

Cast: Cynthia Rothrock, Billy Drago, Sam J. Jones

Directed by David Worth

A remake of the original more than a sequel, only this time Rothrock avenges her soccer player husband and her own rape at the hands of Jewel thieves led by Billy Drago and goons. Once again everything that plagued the original is here in full effect, except this time it’s even duller around as the movie doesn’t even feature that good of action sequences. The Indonesian locale just looks ugly, I’m sure the country is beautiful and would make a great back drop for movies but here the film just looks repulsive. Completely dreary and devoid of life, indeed that’s Lady Dragon 2’s biggest flaw, it’s lifeless and completely unnecessary. Billy Drago gives yet another one of his over exaggerated performances that seems some
what sleepy, suggesting that Drago could care less about the role, Rothrock meanwhile is miscast in a role Bronson personified. Rothrock doesn’t do meaty drama very well and her motivation for vengeance is unconvincing and ungainly. Lady Dragon 2 just doesn’t have anything worthwhile about it, the fight sequences are indifferently choreographed while the film has all the excitement of televised golf, It’s truly hard to believe the director of this co-directed Kickboxer 1. Lady Dragon 2 is a low budget disaster that has the serious misfortune of also being a complete bore.

Undefeatable (1993) *
Cast: Cynthia Rothrock, Don Niam, John Miller

Directed by Godfrey Ho

One of the greatest camp gems has Cynthia Rothrock as a street fighter who goes up against a serial killer martial artist named Sting Ray (Niam) who kills numerous women after being jilted by his fetching red headed wife, meanwhile a martial arts expert cop (Miller) on the case and it’s only a matter of time before cop and street fighter join forces to ice the sting ray. Unintentionally hilarious martial arts hijinks finds what is one of the most hysterical villain ever committed to celluloid, Sting Ray played by Don Niam is just extremely hilarious. Sting Ray just attacks at random sans rhyme and reason as he just attacks any random anonymous red head sometimes with a certain dress and sometimes not (the film makes so little sense) The film has no basis on credibility as the police instead of questioning sex offenders or rapists start with martial artists who practice a particular technique. Meanwhile there are incestuous overtones that drive Sting Ray to murder women. Lastly the ending is hilarious but the actual ending after the final dispatch is baffling. Undefeatable is an awesomely bad kung fu movie, I mean the quality doesn’t even match Bruce Le’s Greatest Revenge, the choreography is decent and the fight sequences have their moments but overall this is strictly for comic value. If anything else the finale and the groan inducing Schwarzenegger-esque clips are worth the price of admission, in other words if you like really hilariously inept and utterly incompetent kung fu terribleness, keep your eyes peeled for Undefeatable.

2010-12-07T23:45:00.000-08:00

Midnight Express (1978) * * * *

Cast:Brad Davis, John Hurt, Randy Quaid, Paul L. Smith, Norbert Weisser, Irene Miracle, Bo Hopkins

Directed by Alan Parker

The late (underrated) Brad Davis stars as Billy Hayes a dope smuggling American who screws up when he is sent to a Turkish prison camp where he slowly loses hope, humanity and his sanity before he springs his escape and gets back to the U.S. Midnight Express has been considered racist and angry and I for one agree with that assessment if looked at in a completely face value way. A lot of the movie is fabricated (the real life Billy Hayes didn’t kill anyone) but the effect and message is all the same. Many others have brought up that you shouldn’t feel bad for Billy Hayes because he is smuggling keys of dope into this country, but this is the point. How one absurd mistake and not realizing the culture can in fact get you in a situation that is way over your head. I think the most fascinating part of Midnight Express is how close to home it hits the American attitude regarding other countries. The movie has a standout scene where Brad Davis delivers a speech on how the Turks can hold having 53 days in his face then turn it into a 30 year sentence, unaware of how the rules work in a foreign land. Brad Davis’ character then isn’t as sympathetic and probably with good reason because the way Midnight Express shows the atmosphere of true hell, such might be a good thing as the suspense reaches intense levels. The big fight sequence between Davis and a fellow Turk in particular takes one aback. Indeed the most powerful element is the way the characters are isolated, the U.S embassy is helpless, they don’t really know the language and it is survival every single day and not only can the Americans not do anything about it, they don’t seem to really care about helping out. Sure the film does paint Turks in an unflattering light but I think the fact that Davis has in fact screwed up and is being forced to face the music makes Midnight Express fascinating and thought provoking. Indeed the big racist speech where Davis calls the Turks pigs, is well done because he goes on to ask for human mercy, complains how he has done enough time and that it’s not fair and how things that are illegal become legal again when others do it around them, it’s a tell tale sign of Foreign thinking that holds no water in a society built on strict values and religious principles. Midnight Express would go on to inspire many ugly prison films like the Van Damme flick In Hell but this is the only prison flick that earns it’s ugly drama and ultimately becomes fascinating. Even 30 some years later Midnight Express remains one of the all time best prison movies and perhaps a stern warning for those who don’t do as the Romans do.

2010-12-07T23:44:00.000-08:00

Machete (2010) * * *

Cast: Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Steven Seagal, Michelle Rodriguez, Jeff Fahey, Don Johnson, Cheech Marin, Lindsay Lohan, Tom Savini

Rodriguez follows up Planet Terror by making a movie out of the fake trailer promised 3 years ago in the undeserved flop of Grindhouse, the result all things considered are fairly successful as Machete finds Danny Trejo as an ex-federale turned day laborer who is forced by Booth (Fahey) to be the triggerman of a prominent Senator McLaughlin (De Niro, in a performance which shows actual enthusiasm for once) when things go awry Trejo starts using such things like weedwackers and of course machetes to get even with the bad guys who doublecrossed him, unable to stop him, Booth calls in the talents of minute men militia leader Jackson (Johnson) and Machete’s old foe Torrez (Seagal, in one of his best turns) to dispatch him once and for all. Aiding our hero is the help of She (Rodriguez) a leader of a gang of miffed Mexicans and straight and narrow Border cop Rivera (Alba, the film’s weakest performance) with Lindsay Lohan just sort of showing up in a nun’s habit toting a gun in the fire ball fueled finale. Machete isn’t 100% as great as the original trailer promised, but it does move and manages to be enjoyable in a silly homage type of way. Rodriguez does seem to be trying a little too hard and the film seems to be too tongue in cheek (especially in comparison to the blaxploitation flicks) but Machete works due to the cast which all provide great characters in their own right. The villains in particular played by Fahey, Johnson, De Niro and (surprisingly) Seagal all provide excellent fodder for Trejo to mow down for our entertainment. Trejo meanwhile has the charisma and swagger to recall Charles Bronson. Indeed the only real downside is the ladies in the cast, as Lohan fares the best but has a character that is badly written, Rodriguez just seems to disappear and return at regular intervals when the plot requires it and Alba is depressingly vapid. That said the film moves at a brisk pace, the action is well staged and the movie works on its own ridiculous level. Machete then is trash, but of the fun variety.

2010-12-07T23:42:00.000-08:00

Steele Justice (1987) * * *

Cast: Martin Kove, Sela Ward, Soon-Tek Oh, Ronny Cox, Bernie Casey, Robert Kim, Shannon Tweed,Joseph Campanella, Jan Gan Boyd, Peter Kwong

Vietnam vet and one man army John Steele (Martin Kove) takes on the Vietnamese army after the death of his war buddy (Kim) and in the process steals military equipment and single handedly finds closure from his Vietnam days by wiping out the Vietnamese gangs that is led by an old enemy from the war (Oh) Steele Justice is one of those movies that have to be seen to be believed. It’s so over the top it makes Death Wish 3 seem like a model of plausibility. For instance would you be surprised if I told you that the movie features rats with live grenades strapped to their backs trying to kill our hero? Or what if I told you that our hero gets shot with a poison dart, he cuts out the poison, sucks out the poison and then cauterizes it with a frying pan. Steele’s wife (Ward) who is in a on and off again relationship with Steele is also a music director giving us a really bad 80s music video, while our hero also uses a poisonous snake to kill various bad guys, steals dope and then closes the Vietnamese mob in closed doors before shooting his wife with a beanbag gun (!) “ I don’t want to run, I’m simply keeping you in” is what Kove yells to the bad guys when they tell him there is nowhere to run. Steele Justice then is competently made as far as these things go, but the film is best appreciated as 80s action camp. Martin Kove meanwhile makes for an enjoyable hero whose playfulness goes a long way to making this a pretty fun Rambo rip off.

Shootfighter series

2010-12-07T23:40:00.000-08:00

Shootfighter (1993) *1/2

Cast:Bolo Yeung, Martin Kove, Maryam D`Abo, William Zabka, Michael Bernardo,Eddie Albert, John Barrett

Directed by Pat Alan

Sub-par gladiator martial arts nonsense that finds Bolo in a rare good guy role since the obscure 70s kung fu flick Bolo, the plot this time revolves around a no holds barred secret tournament where martial artists fight each other to the death with their hands and feet and an occasional weapon all for the entertainment for the wealthy high rollers who are always in movies like this, meanwhile Zabka (of Karate Kid 1 fame) is there for his debts to loan sharks while Bernardo tries to rescue Zabka from getting hurt while Kove (from Karate Kid 1-3 and Steele Justice) is using Zabka and Bernardo as pawns to draw Yeung back in a death match, in this extremely derivative and completely mindless kung fu cheapie. Shootfighter is of course not in the same league as Hong Kong movies that feature dazzling choreography and quality acting and scripts, but the problem here is that the film just isn’t entertaining in a trashy way. The film is like every single martial arts movie ever made but because the choreography is indifferently staged the film is clearly a pretender in the fight arena as movies like Bloodsport, Kickboxer (2 and 4 as well), King Of The Kickboxers offer far better action bang for the buck. Meanwhile the film is derailed by lame subplots regarding Zabka and D’Abo (who is completely out of place) and there is no real big time threat in the ring to give our heroes any real competition. Shootfighter has a great heart pulling scene and a rare appearance from Bolo Yeung as a good guy, but in terms of entertainment, such novelties are a pretty slim bounty all things considered.

2010-08-16T03:03:00.000-07:00

The Expendables (2010) * * *

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Terry Crews, Steve Austin, Randy Couture, Gary Daniels, Giselle Itie’, David Zayas, Charisma Carpenter, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis

Directed by Sylvester Stallone

A gang of bad-ass mercenaries (Stallone, Statham, Li, Lundgren, Crews, and Couture) go on a mission to destroy a small Latin army led by ex-CIA honcho (Roberts) who runs a drug biz meanwhile there is trouble in the ranks as the job is getting to expendable Dolph and when he is cut from the team, he looks for vengeance. All in all The Expendables is exactly what it promises, it features some good car chases and excellent shootouts, but the fight sequences are cut too fast and sometimes not as good as they could be, although the Lundgren/Li showdown is pretty fun. The biggest problem with The Expendables has too many characters, leaving it almost impossible to develop said characters (or the action sequences) when everybody has a big scene. In other words the movie lacks focus.The plot as expected is extremely routine and has been done a hundred times, but this doesn’t matter so much as how well it is done and The Expendables is pretty good as far as these things go. The Expendables opened number 1 in theaters and it was nice to see that our action stars still have it and can come back as popular. Indeed one hopes we get more movies like this in theaters and if anything else let’s hope our action heroes take down the lame camera angles of Michael Bay and CGI crap. The Expendables then delivers what it promises and on a lot of levels that’s all you need. Dolph Lundgren’s character is probably the most fun thing about it and thankfully he is used well, Jet Li on the other hand comes off the most disappointing in terms of his use as he plays really lame comic relief intead of exploiting his martial artistry as it could, but all in all the movie works for what it is and while it’s not The Wild Bunch, it is fun mindless entertainment.

Undisputed Series

2010-08-16T01:58:00.000-07:00

Undisputed (2002) * * *

Cast: Wesley Snipes, Ving Rhames, Peter Falk, Wes Studi, Michael Rooker,Jon Seda, Fisher Stevens

Directed by Walter Hill

A Mike Tyson-like champion goes to prison for rape accusations to which he then battles current prison circuit champion Monroe (Snipes) in a boxing match to determine who is the best, while an elderly mobster (Falk in a great performance) puts it all together and faces off against a warden who doesn’t want the final match to take place. Undisputed was what I thought an undiscovered gem, thankfully though due to the sequels (which are enjoyable) Undisputed has gained a following. Also being directed by Walter Hill, this boxing drama which one feared would be a rip off of Penitentiary, actually turns into a suspenseful boxing drama with great action sequences and characters that actually are well defined. Indeed what it all comes down to is the atmosphere of the prison and Hill makes the prison feel real and closed off. The performances from the cast are all first rate, especially Falk who’s screen presence and charisma works to keep the dramatic scenes from getting routine, Snipes is adequate and predictably passive but Rhames gives a great performance as the villain and is suitably menacing. The story moves at a satisfying clip and overall Undisputed is worth its weight as an enjoyable prison movie and even more enjoyable as a fight flick. Sadly Walter Hill hasn’t done much since although thankfully a project is deemed for release in 2011 with him and Pierce Brosnan, let’s keep our fingers crossed, as Walter Hill is a heavy weight talent in this genre and he knows his action. Undisputed is one of Hill’s best recent efforts as it represents a vast improvement over the surprisingly dull Hill efforts Wild Bill and Last Man Standing, Undisputed then doesn’t quite reach The Warriors/Southern Comfort levels (Or even Streets Of Fire) but Undisputed is well worth seeing for genre fans.

Undisputed II:Last Man Standing (2006) * * *

Cast:Michael Jai White, Scott Adkins, Ben Cross, Eli Danker, Ken Lerner, Mark Ivanir
Directed by Isaac Florentine

Jai White (In for Ving Rhames) returns as boxing champion Iceman framed for a bum rap involving cocaine, who must learn the ropes in a European prison where he must learn a new style of martial arts to stand a chance against current champ Uri Boyka (Adkins) in a satisfying kung fu prison yard that works because of the excellent action and fast pace. The plot is sort of contrived and the whole premise has been done to death (basically Death Warrant meets Lionheart) but in terms of prison action this might be the best direct to DVD release ever to use such sturdy premise. There are of course some flaws, mainly involving junkie Cross who figures in a way to set up two fight sequences between White and Adkins. Another thing that doesn’t work is the whole Cool Hand Luke unity among the prisoners when White refuses to fight, a plot thread that goes nowhere as it is dropped in favor of the martial arts action (which isn’t necessarily bad thing) Undisputed II then is a movie that impresses solely for the action element, I mean the acting, production values and story are all what you would expect but due to the fast pace and the excellent fight sequences which are so spectactular that it makes up for any of the story’s shortcomings, Undisputed II then works very well for fans of kung fu flicks, who will no doubt eat this up.

Undisputed III:Redemption (2010)
* * *

Cast: Scott Adkins, Mykel Shannon Jenkins, Mark Ivanir, Marko Zaror

Undisputed III is the weakest in the series but still a solid recommendation from me, the flaws are more pronounced as Adkins is such damaged goods that it strains credibility to see him spin around and do all kinds of jump kicks but aside from that the choreography is on par again and the film follows more in the Lionheart vein and such is a durable premise that seems to never get old. The story as it goes finds Uri Boyka (Adkins) damaged goods who trains again and wins a tournament to fight an international tournament despite a bum knee, meanwhile he befriends a tough black fighter (Jenkins) who are constantly thrown in the hole together. The stakes are raised higher because the loser of the fights are killed and hence the final fight means everything. Undisputed III delivers exactly what it promises and Florentine does wonders with the action element which make this head and shoulders above other dull straight to video clunkers like Unrivaled, Damage and Ring Of Death. Character development then is on the weaker side but when the action is that good, and occurs at regular intervals, the genre fan in me tends to be more forgivable. Bring on Undisputed 4….

Six-String Samurai

2010-08-16T01:20:00.000-07:00

Six String Samurai (1998) *

Cast: Jeffrey Falcon, Justin McQuire

Directed by Lance Mungia

Smug and boring post apocalypse wasteland science fiction abound as a Buddy Holly (Falcon) look-a-like uses his samurai skills to protect his Guitar and takes a kid along to the promise land of Las Vegas where he can replace Elvis as the king. They just don’t come more irritating than this movie. Probably closer to Albert Pyun’s vision of Cyborg, the movie plays like a battle of the bands, too bad all of it is so smug and forced. Indeed movies this low budget and ridiculous do themselves wonders by not being so “quirky” and in on the joke because the result is painful. The action sequences are for the most part okay but aren’t very exciting. Another especially lame part of the movie is the kid sidekick that makes it so our Buddy Holly hero gets sidetracked and has to fight a cannibal family as well as other various bad guys, which is a sign of the director not knowing where to go next with his premise. What really sinks this dreary nonsense is the inclusion of comedy, All of it heart wrenchingly lame. The whole joke about Vegas being the promise land and Elvis being the king that used to rule is truly as unfunny as it gets. This is a movie that should’ve been rejected as soon as someone had an idea to make a rock and roll Mad Max rip off. In fact this is so bad it makes Cyborg seem like Mad Max. The idea is basically a stupid premise that becomes long and drawn out. Indeed it’s a gimmick movie with a really awful gimmick.

John Woo Binge

2010-08-15T22:45:00.000-07:00

Hand Of Death (1978) * * *

Cast: Jackie Chan, Tao Ling-Tan, James Tien, Sammo Hung, Yuen Biao

Directed by John Woo

Hand Of Death is a pretty decent kung fu time killer, the story as expected isn’t much, as it revolves around the rebellion against the Manchu invasion and how to use a new kung fu technique against a traitor (Tien) Once again take my opinion with a grain of salt, I love kung fu movies, I love John Woo, Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung and Yuen Biao. Indeed Biao has little to do, Hung wears bad dentures and Jackie Chan is merely a second fiddle to the hero in question. Hand Of Death is a curiosity than, but not necessarily a bad movie. It isn’t nearly as good as what Woo, Chan, Hung and Biao would do later but it does have some good kung fu fights, a coherent story and you can see the elements that Woo would later make down the road. Hand Of Death then sort of cheats on promising a Woo/Chan collaboration but Chan does have a decent part (Unlike 36 Crazy Fists which didn’t have him in it) that should please fans. Don’t expect Hard Boiled (Or even Hard Target) and you’ll be fine, but make no mistake this is one of the better old school kung fu flicks that wasn’t a Shaw Brother or Bruce Lee flick.

The Killer (1989) * * *1/2

Cast: Chow Yun-Fat, Danny Lee, Sally Yeh, Chu Kong, Kenneth Tsang, Shing Fui On

Directed by John Woo

Chow Yun-Fat stars as an assassin who is doublecrossed by his employers on his final mission that he takes to get reconstructive eye surgery for his blind girlfriend (Yeh) that he blinded during one of his assignments meanwhile a cop working to catch said assassin join forces with said assassin to said assassin's employers. The Killer is often celebrated as the best movie John Woo ever made and I can’t quite agree cause I like A Better Tomorrow and Hard Boiled more. That said this is still as satisfying and excellent as people say. Once again it all goes back to the fact that John Woo goes the extra mile to develop the characters and by creating characters we care about, the action, the comedy and the heroic bloodshed angle all mean that much more. I think the problem with reviewing a classic along the lines of The Killer that it’s a fine line between reviewing and all out ass kissing. I think the best way to solve this (aside from telling you that you should seek this out ASAP) is to just mention that this has some of the best shootouts ever filmed, as well as the fact it just has it all. The boat chase that finds a mustached Chow Yun-Fat on his mission while throwing his gun in the water and then continuing on boat to on foot on the beach to the hospital is one of my favorite action sequences I’ve ever seen. I also liked that CYF’s friend that betrays him is seen in a grey area and not in black and white evil mode, I also liked the relationship between Lee and CYF, because this is what provides the main heart of the film. The subplot with Yeh is sort of silly and hokey but near the end it makes the showdown worth fighting for. Also what is most fascinating is the Christian symbolism Woo laces his church finale with and his underlying theme of redemption despite all the carnage, indeed in a lot of ways this ends in an upbeat light. Like I said it’s hard for me to go on in a review and write about a great film without sounding like a groveling fan-boy but then again I’m huge fan of pre-2000 Woo and I only hope people seek this movie out.

A Bullet In The Head (1990) * * * *

Cast:Tony Leung, Jackie Cheung, Waise Lee, Simon Yam

Directed by John Woo

A Bullet in the Head despite it’s absurd title is a hard edged Vietnam war drama that is as brutal as it is brilliant. The story details 3 youths who get into a gang fight that ends up killing someone and so to escape the law they go to Vietnam where they get involved with a Gold smuggler and the Viet Cong. The most powerful sequence by far is when the characters are put together with American P.O.Ws and forced to shoot one another, or for that matter when Waise Lee causes Cheung brain damage in an effort to not be discovered by the Viet Cong while hiding. What is most astounding is that the characters in this movie don’t start off as necessarily bad guys, even Waise Lee, perhaps too ambitious and maybe foolish and naïve but overall the feeling that everything that is led up to this moment is due to circumstances that get out of hand is by far what makes this highly recommended viewing. Unfortunately A Bullet In The Head is hard to find and typically expensive, however if you can find it for rental or to buy for around 15 bucks, such is worth the price. This makes an excellent companion piece to The Deer Hunter and in many ways it’s just as good. However the movie is hard to watch due to its unrelenting nature and therefore be sure to know what you’re in for. This is a disturbing movie but one well worth seeing all the same.

Once A Thief (1991) * *

Cast:Chow Yun-Fat, Leslie Cheung, Cherie Chung, Kong Chu, Kenneth Tsang

Disappointingly slow Woo-lite comic yarn about three thieves who form a love triangle while attempting to steal a painting that will set them up for life. The film only picks up in it’s finale where CYF springs to action with a not-bad action sequence. The heist scenes are especially disappointing, as Woo just doesn’t seem to know what to do with those sequences. Indeed in comparison to Johnny Handsome in which Walter Hill filmed the heists with such an unbelievable rhythm, Woo unfortunately fails to find the right tone during these scenes and it comes across as forced. Indeed you know something is wrong when you want Woo to just get it over with rather than being thrilled by what you’re watching. Another big problem is that this material feels experimental and therefore Woo will plays around with various ideas but never quite hones in on the right tone he needs to establish. Indeed this had potential but I think Woo needed Jackie Chan to bring his comic set pieces to life.

Hard Boiled (1992) * * * *

Cast: Chow Yun-Fat, Tony Leung ,Teresa Mo, Phillip Chan, Phillip Kwok, Anthony Wong

Directed by John Woo

This is John Woo’s best movie tied with A Better Tomorrow. John Woo peaked here and never captured the same magic (Though he did come close with Red Cliff) Chow Yun-Fat stars as Tequila a bad ass cop who finds himself joining forces with an undercover cop to fight triads who have taken over a hospital. I wish John Woo was allowed to let loose like this in the U.S. Hard Boiled is the real deal, it has the best action sequences of all time (seriously the dirt bike battle is the best shoot out I’ve ever seen) and Chow Yun-Fat's Tequila is up there with Popeye Doyle, Stanley White and Dirty Harry as one of the biggest bad ass cops of all time. Hard Boiled also doesn’t skimp on the character development or story which ultimately elevates this above all cop thrillers. Indeed the only tragic part of Hard Boiled, is that many refuse to see this because it has subtitles. It of course is their loss. I think the next thing I have to address is Hong Kong cinema in general, where as the U.S had some of this grit in the 80s and early 90s, It’s just so refreshing to see Woo not cramped by quick edits and ADD cameramen. Indeed after sitting through Woo’s later work in Mission Impossible 2 and Paycheck one is only saddened by how Woo can’t even be allowed to direct what he wants to direct. Indeed Red Cliff shows that Woo still has it and being that he’s made the best made for TV pilot I’ve ever seen (Blackjack which I enjoyed, but such praise isn’t saying much) shows that Woo has it. Hard Boiled is how an action flick should be, coherent action sequences, characters you care about and a character driven story. It’s hard to believe Hollywood seems to misuse such a master in action cinema.

Hard Target (1993) * * *

Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Lance Henriksen, Yancy Butler, Arnold Vosloo, Wilford Brimley, Kasi Lemmons

Directed by John Woo

John Woo joins forces with Van Damme and the results are decent but neither director or actor are at their best. For instance Van Damme has done better with Bloodsport, Kickboxer, Universal Soldier (And Double Impact if I’m honest) but this is better than Nowhere To Run. As for John Woo, this wasn’t his worst movie before or after. (Once A Thief was worse) However as it is stated this stands as one of Woo’s better Hollywood movies. Mainly because he was allowed to actually film coherent action sequences, do at least 70% of his thing and pack a brutal punch. (Hard Target is ultimately to this date, Van Damme’s most blood thirsty effort to date…and it’s been 17 years) Indeed this is a film that was merely adequate when it came out but has aged very well. Mainly because action films today tend to be so weak. The graveyard sequence in particular is exciting and the finale is despite what detractors say one of Woo’s best show stoppers. The problem is, Woo’s heroic bloodshed angle doesn’t coincide very well with Van Damme’s 80s action persona so it ends up feeling like a cross between which ultimately feels like just a standard Hollywood action flick for it’s time. That said Hard Target is worth seeing for the action alone and for the fact that Lance Henriksen makes for a great villain, Vosloo provides good back up and Van Damme is at his best. Indeed the only weak part is Butler who is just terrible. It is then sort of disappointment and praise I heap on Hard Target and it’s because I liked it, when I wanted to love it. However I don’t even tend to like Woo’s new films nowadays.

Broken Arrow (1996) * ½

Cast:John Travolta, Christian Slater, Samantha Mathis, Howie Long, Delroy Lindo

Directed by John Woo

John Woo turns into John Woeful in this sort of Die Hard rip off, sort of Fail-Safe rip off all tedious action movie. In a blatantly dull action flick that takes forever to get started and doesn’t have a decent villain, a plot that makes sense on any dramatic level and a movie full of mindless plot threads that would set the tone for the Michael Bay and Jan De Bonts of our time. Now to be fair Woo does stage a pretty impressive action sequence near the end but by then it’s too little too late. Meanwhile while some shootouts have some moments of excitement it is all ruined by absurd lapses of logic (such as anyone being able to survive while the nuke go off underground, or for that matter how Travolta would know to rig the nuke to make it go off if someone punched the wrong codes in.) Another problem is Travolta who makes for a ridiculous villain. Apparently ticked off at the military for passing him up on promotions, one would understand such motivations if he was fired or for that matter his country tried to kill him, however nuking the country because of how he’s pissed off about promotions is pretty laughable to say the least. At least I can understand greed as motivator. There is more that is wrong, mainly how Mathis is able to stand tall and fight mercenaries when she is just a park ranger. Slater fares well here (probably the best) but it would’ve probably been more fun to see him as the bad guy and Travolta as the good guy. Mainly because Travolta’s character is so whiny and silly, when says "Yeah, ain't it cool" to Slater when Slater accuse him of being out of his mind isso over the top in its stupidity it sets the tone for the film. . The ridiculous nature of the film didn’t bother me, the lack of action, character development and lack of excitement was what renders this film broken.

John Woo’s Once A Thief (1996) *

Cast: Sandrine Holt, Ivan Sergei, Nicolas Lea, Michael Wong, Robert Ito

Utterly terrible remake of a mediocre Woo movie surfaces in this inane made for TV movie that doesn’t even deliver the action required. Anyway this time there is an agency that hires our three heroes (One a jailbird forced out of jail, his girlfriend and her new ex-cop lover) to take on their adopted brother (Wong) There really isn’t much that can be said about this mindlessly awful TV movie. The comedy is so forced it borders on rape and the action sequences are badly staged, lamely directed and totally not Woo-like. Indeed this awful flick has sort of a following which is something one doesn’t understand. Among the 90210 inspired soap opera and the old Once A Thief failed premise the movie comes together to be the worst movie John Woo had made to date. Indeed one figures that Woo made Blackjack to make up for this stink-bomb, Blackjack while not Woo’s best is miles ahead better than this.

Face/Off (1997) * * *1/2

Cast: John Travolta, Nicolas Cage, Joan Allen, Gina Gershon, Nick Cassavetes, Dominque Swain,Colm Feore, Robert Wisdom, CCH Pounder, Margaret Cho

Directed by John Woo

John Woo’s style finally clicks in the Hollywood style as he takes an absurd science fiction premise and manages to make this into one of the most enjoyable “bigger is better” movies with big explosions and slam bang action. What works this time is that Face/Off actually adds shading to even secondary characters making this is one of the few 90s classics. Face/Off ‘s story revolves around FBI agent Sean Archer (Travolta) capturing and almost killing Castor Troy (Cage) who is some kind of terrorist, how Troy has planted a bomb somewhere and Archer has to switch faces with him to get the information where such bomb was hidden, unfortunately Troy wakes up from the coma and forces the doctors to give him Archer’s face. So now Archer (with Troy’s face) has to fight back against Troy, meanwhile both guys turn out to be better fathers for their counterpart’s kids. Face/Off is a great movie because it does have action and a really ridiculous story and that adds to its cheese factor. Indeed, the metal boots upon Alcatraz fight sequence walks the fine line between excitement and hysterical camp. Indeed the entire film walks the fine line and while the film isn’t quite 4 star material this film works as well at grind-house action more so than Stallone and Schwarzenegger’s films that year. Indeed the film is often times brutal and satisfying in its punch of action and while John Woo clearly doesn’t treat the subject with as much welcome humor that such a premise would call for, there is no denying that Face/Off is one of the few big budget blockbusters that doesn’t suck. In fact it holds it’s own against the classics of the action genre and that says a lot. Meanwhile Nicolas Cage is fares far better than he did in The Rock. (Although Con-Air wasn’t too shabby either.) All in all Face/Off is John Woo’s best American effort and well worth revisiting as the years gone by adds to the guilty pleasure vibe. Face/Off then is both a classic for the right and wrong reasons.

Blackjack (1998)
* * *

Cast: Dolph Lundgren, Fred Williamson, Kate Vernon, Saul Rubinek, Kam Heskin, Phillip Mackenzie

Directed by John Woo

John Woo’s second attempt at a made for TV action flick is merely decent which makes it a big improvement over the execrable Once A Thief TV remake of his mediocre original. John Woo gets a lot of the best moments from veteran B.movie talents Lundgren, Williamson, Rubinek and Vernon who all make the concept work better than you would expect. Of course the main flaw Woo cannot overcome is in fact that Blackjack is a made for TV movie, which means the action, story, and carnage level all stay at the level of that. Plus add in a ridiculous element involving Dolph’s color phobia and you have all the marks of a disaster in the making. Blackjack then is a testament to John Woo’s talent, for he somehow adequately pulls it off and as long as one suspends belief, Blackjack doesn’t offend. That said fans of the star and director will probably like this but this stands as not neither Woo or Lundgren’s best. Although in Lundgren’s case, at least it’s better than the Abominable Fallen Knight. All in all though it's pretty good.

Mission Impossible 2 (2000) *

Cast: Tom Cruise, Dougray Scott, Thandie Newton, Ving Rhames, Anthony Hopkins

Directed by John Woo

Terrible sequel that proves Woo simply has lost his magic touch since crossing the ocean. The plot (if you can call it that) revolves around Ethan Hunt (Cruise) trying to keep a deadly virus out of the evil hands of super villain Dougray Scott. Thandie Newton plays the love interest in a meaningless role (Woo never was good with romance angles) The film comes together with all the coherency of a puzzle with 80% of the pieces gone. It has no beginning, it has no ending, it just is a big glob of interchangeable action sequences and absurd plot threads. What is most disappointing is how Woo’s usually skilled craftsmanship in action is clearly on autopilot. In fact you know you’re in trouble when the slow motion and weird camera angles cause people to laugh (Like when Cruise and Scott hit each other in the air) Mission Impossible 2 is just a debacle on all fronts and it was hard to sit through it. Indeed this is where Woo renounced his throne as king of action. A terrible movie and what signified the beginning of the end for Woo. As for Cruise he looks utterly terrible with his shaggy cut and pretty boy looks and short and slender stature makes for a laughable hero. Indeed he is clearly trying too hard, which is weird cause Cruise usually works in such a role. In anycase avoid it, skip ahead to Red Cliff. This kicks off Woo’s dead zone.

Windtalkers (2002) * *

Cast: Nicolas Cage, Adam Beach, Christian Slater,Roger Willie, Brian Van Holt

Directed by John Woo

Mission Impossible II was terrible; Windtalkers on the other hand is merely mediocre and disappointing. There is potential here in the story about the Native Americans who deciphered codes and sent codes that helped in our efforts in World War II, And with John Woo’s Bullet In The Head (and Red Cliff a few years later) Windtalkers held a lot of promise and unfortunately the results are average at best. The problem here is that there is too many secondary characters and plot threads as the film jumps back and forth between Cage and Beach’s relationship and Slater and Willie’s battle sequences. Basically this disjointed effort falls apart because it devotes too much time to the plot threads making it feel undernourished and half baked. The battle scenes are okay but one gets the feeling Woo had to sacrifice character development to make this 2 hours. It’s not really worth seeing but Woo fans might enjoy it.

Red Cliff (2009) * * * 1/2

Cast:Tony Leung, Takeshi Kaneshiro, Fengyi Zhang, Chen Cheng, Wei Zhao

Directed by John Woo

John Woo returns with a historical recount of China’s three kingdom period, in which the rebels join forces with two kingdoms to fight a cruel king looking to establish power and hence military strategies are implied and it all comes down to the way the wind blows on the night of an attack. Red Cliff is actually combined from Red Cliff 1 and Red Cliff 2, the truth is I recommend this cut just as much as I’ll probably recommend 1-2 (I have to get a hold of them first) This is sort of like a Shogun Assassin styled combining of two movies which ultimately becomes a different movie all together. Indeed why they did this cut is unknown but I can assure you I want to get my hands on Red Cliff 1-2. However despite all that Red Cliff is an excellent movie. In fact one wonders where has this Woo been? I mean I started to get scared after his various work that he might’ve lost his touch after the last 11 years of putting out uninspired hackwork. Indeed Blackjack which wasn’t great shakes all of a sudden was coming up in many conversations as to “John Woo hasn’t made a watchable movie since Blackjack” which really depressed me considering that was only decent. Thankfully I can now have a movie that I can bring up in conversation when someone says Woo is lame. In fact Red Cliff is extremely well made and the battle sequences are some of the best action sequences I’ve seen in any genre. It’s nice to see Woo can be this great when he is given the opportunity. I think my only disappointment was the lack of Chow Yun-Fat but really I have to get my hands on Red Cliff 1 and Red Cliff 2, because I’m almost certain those are 4 star movies, I review this because I think it’s a different movie all together. If anything else though it’s nice to see John Woo in good form again and perhaps it’s for the best that Woo stay in his country if he keeps making movies this good. I mean this holds its own against Woo’s heroic bloodshed output and that is high praise.

Albert Pyun Fest

2010-08-10T01:20:00.000-07:00

Radioactive Dreams (1986) * *

Cast:John Stockwell, Michael Dudikoff, George Kennedy, Lisa Blount

Directed By Albert Pyun

Stockwell and Dudikoff star as two brothers who spend all their childhood reading Detective novels and upon rearing their heads in the Mad Max-like wasteland discover that the world is a mean spirited place, they also get their hands on a keys to a nuclear bomb hence throwing them into war with various gangs that want to rule the world.

Inside Radioactive Dreams there is a good movie in there trying to get out but unfortunately Pyun can’t tie his plot threads together well enough. To make matters worse Dudikoff’s Jerry Lewis impersonation while accurate quickly exaggerates and it’s only in the finale when Dudikoff drops such and goes for a film noir mood that the movie starts to work. Radioactive Dreams is competently made but the big problem here is that the film needs more action and less comedy because the comic value is not only non-existent, but horrific in its ineptitude. Radioactive Dreams then gets a passable rating for trying to do what has never been done although the question remains whether such should’ve been attempted in the first place.

Captain America (1991) *

Cast:Matt Salinger, Ronny Cox, Scott Paulin, Ned Beatty, Darren McGavin

Directed by Albert Pyun

By far the one of the worst comic book adaptations ever made, Captain America fails because the film just doesn’t have the budget to make anything decent out of such. The story about this horrendous film is pretty interesting (more interesting than the film) as it seems Pyun had a script and an idea but no financial backers, or as Pyun put it “Captain America wasn’t made with little money, it was made with no money” Indeed given the utterly banal nature of the fight sequences and the lack of Red Skull make up, one doesn’t doubt this. Captain America then couldn’t possibly live up to the comic book. The only problem with all of this is that the film is just unrelenting in its dullness. This isn’t then Captain America so much as Captain Boring. Indeed the fight sequences are extremely shoddy and very unexciting. Which is why I grant Pyun this point, because I saw Pyun’s other films and you can see that his fight sequences often at the very least provide visceral punch. Not so here. Another problem as well is that you can tell the cast involved know that they are involved in a bomb. Indeed this probably was one of those movies that looked like a great idea on paper but you need more than good intentions to make a decent movie out of this nature. Another observation is that people complained about the vastly superior (And underrated) Punisher film as feeling too much 80s Action flick and not true enough to the comic. What is sad is that Captain America doesn’t even feel like too much of something else so much as it feels like just a big worthless chunk of nothing.

Bloodmatch (1991) * * *

Cast: Thom Mathews, Benny “The Jet” Urquidez, Hope Marie Carlton, Dale Jacoby, Thunderwolf, Michel Qissi, Vincent Klyn

Directed by Albert Pyun

Thom stars as Brick Bardo, a mad as hell kickboxer who abducts the champion fighters (Urquidez, Carlton, Thunder Wolf and Jacoby) that set up his brother for the slaughter and along the way not everything is as it seems. Bloodmatch is an utterly baffling and insane martial arts action flick, not unlike Cyborg in the way it just works in a way that defies all logic and forces us to accept it on its own ridiculous standards. The fact that this film bills itself as a kickboxing mystery should basically let you in on the sheer nuttiness of this film. What is most surprising is how much we find ourselves ignoring the absurdity of it all and embracing the action sequences which are very well choreographed. The acting is of course atrocious (excepting Mathews) where the actors sprawl out some of the most hilariously stilted lines outside of a Ed Wood movie (“Matches of guilt and innocence (…) Connie you’re getting into that ring one last time to fight again, because after that you won’t fight again, you’ll be dead” being among one of my favorites) Indeed it’s hard to review such a movie because Bloodmatch is very entertaining and it does deliver the action goods (and very well) the hard part is determining whether Bloodmatch is a legit good movie and I can’t honestly tell you that such is an unseen gem of martial arts movie classics. However what I can say is that gibberish plot aside (There is an utterly unexplained twist that hints at whether Mathews is a robot made from the brother, the brother that was “killed” or indeed the kickboxing brother who was at the wrong place wrong time) this is simply put a guilty pleasure for yours truly and giving credit where credit is due, Pyun is the best used in the martial arts genre. It’s no secret then that Pyun is maligned by the B.movie community but there is no doubt that this is one of Pyun’s better efforts.

Nemesis (1992) * * *

Cast: Olivier Gruner, Tim Thomerson, Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa, Thom Mathews, Deborah Shelton, Brion James, Nicolas Guest, Merle Kennedy, Marjean Holden, Thomas Jane

Directed by Albert Pyun

Albert Pyun returns to his Cyborg roots for this similar but superior cyber cop on run scenario as LAPD Cyborg Oli has a bomb planted in his heart to blow up his lover (now a computer chip) and prevent the humans from uprising. Once again Nemesis works simply because Pyun films some incredible action sequences. Olivier Gruner’s utterly wooden acting is for once appropriate and basically Nemesis moves so fast and often has so many good ideas that it emerges as one of Pyun’s most enjoyable efforts. There are some flaws of course, for one the acting is terrible (Excepting Thomerson, Tagawa and Shelton) even from the usually reliable Brion James and Thom Mathews. Indeed Brion James has an utterly absurd German accent almost as ridiculous as Ernest Borgnine’s from Laser Mission. Also Pyun doesn’t always succeed in tying his many (Admittedly intriguing) plot threads in the most coherent manner but he does keep the pace fast and the thrilling action sequences make this worth seeing for the genre fan. Another plus that Nemesis has in its favor is the look and atmosphere. This is a very visually enjoyable film and captures the whole Mad Max/Max Headroom feel effortlessly. Indeed this is Gruner’s best film to date and overall well worth tracking down.

Knights (1993) * *

Cast:Kris Kristofferson, Lance Henriksen, Kathy Long, Scott Paulin, Gary Daniels, Vincent Klyn

Directed by Albert Pyun

Pyun returns again this time combining a lot of the elements of Nemesis and Cyborg together in a film that is funnier than most comedies though one isn’t sure I should praise it as such. The ridiculous plot involves kickboxer Long who joins forces with cyborg warrior (Kristofferson, who is unintentionally hilarious in a part that Dolph Lundgren would be right at home with.) to fight a gang of vampire cyborgs (Led by Henriksen with a hook-hand) who oppress humankind and who have met their match in our heroes. Pyun rips off Cyborg’s savage gang of mutant villain element and plugs in a Nemesis styled cyborg takeover in a film that fails on all levels except for the unintentional comedy part. Indeed where as Cyborg was sublimely bad entertainment, it got the action sequences part right, as well as the atmosphere and did have a weird energy that made it work in spite of itself. Nemesis was actually good so that takes such out of the equation. What is ultimately surprising about Knights is that the action sequences are flat and uninspired. Indeed there is no zip to the confrontations and such becomes hilarious because seeing Kris Kristofferson kickboxing against Gary Daniels and a slew of martial artists is just insane in its utter absurdity. The climax is even campier because Kathy Long fights the bad guys with Kristofferson’s cybernetic torso in her backpack (!) All of this is of course utterly silly and blatantly laughable. However the fact that the film aside from the production values fails to do anything right and yet is still so entertaining is what makes it hard to review. So in that in the end I say to tread carefully. Though if you like to laugh at really awful movies, this should just about fill the bill.

Nemesis 2 (1994) *

Cast: Sue Price, Tina Cote

Directed by Albert Pyun

Where as Nemesis 1 is one of Pyun’s best efforts, this inert dud of a sequel is easily one of Pyun’s worst movies. Apparently truer to Pyun’s original vision (which was supposed to have Megan Ward instead of Olivier Gruner) this terrible film actually doesn’t have much to do with the first one (at least from what I could tell) Indeed there involves a time machine and a cyborg warwith the humans that have since lost since the first movie but otherwise it’s basically charisma-less Price running around the desert fighting the bad guys in one-sided fight sequences leaving one to doubt how the cyborgs could indeed enslave man (let alone beat Olivier Gruner) when they are so brittle. The production values are decent but this movie just doesn’t have an interesting story or any interesting action, therefore making it a complete bore.

Nemesis 3 (1995) *

Cast: Sue Price, Tim Thomerson

Directed by Albert Pyun
Even worse than # 2.

Heatseeker (1995) *1/2

Cast: Keith Cooke, Thom Mathews, Norbert Weisser, Gary Daniels Tina Cooke

Directed by Albert Pyun

Don “The Dragon” Wilson look-a-like Keith Cooke stars as the last human kickboxer who battles a tournament where cyborg fighters compete for some world tournament and also aboard is Thom Mathews as a fighter who is looking for redemption for his father and Weisser who clearly has a sinister agenda involved, one that involves not letting Cooke win at any cost and he’s willing to pay hardball (Kidnap Cooke’s girlfriend trainer Cote) Heatseeker is Pyun’s first martial arts movie that isn’t even remotely entertaining. (It’s not Kickboxer 4 that’s for sure) The thing that is most odd about Heatseeker is that it is so badly shot in the fight arena. The camera seems to capture the action at almost always the wrong angle. It was sort of irritating in Pyun’s enjoyable films when he would sometimes shoot the audience reaction as opposed to the action but this is often from a detached view that it’s very tough to even enjoy the action as it is so processed and distanced. The movie outside of that is even worse, mainly because the movie has too many filler sequences of Keith Cooke running around town naked, or would be training montage between Cote and Daniels. Meanwhile Pyun rips off Rocky IV in Gary Daniels’ character as not only does Daniels bare a resemblance to Dolph Lundgren, he doesn’t even get as many lines. Another problem is that Cooke is completely dull as the hero (Losing his charisma from King Of The Kickboxers) All in all Heatseeker is a disappointment on many levels. Indeed only Thom Mathews and Norbert Weisser show some charisma in their parts. Indeed Weisser is by far the only thing that keeps you watching this dud. Indeed throughout the film I kept wondering how much better the movie would’ve been had Weisser had a better script set to his villainous talents. Mathews meanwhile clearly shows up the blank Cooke and it’s sort of odd that they didn’t just cast Mathews in the lead. What Pyun really needed was to goose up the fight sequences, cause the feeble action sequences, fail to distract the audience from the fact that they’ve seen it all before… and from Pyun.

Mean Guns (1997) * * *

Cast: Christopher Lambert, Ice-T, Deborah Van Valkenburgh, Michael Halsey, Thom Mathews, Yuji Okumoto, Tina Cote, Kimberly Warren

Directed by Albert Pyun

Mean Guns surprisingly predates the (vastly superior) Battle Royale but the premise is the same as prisons have become corporate run and to take care of this, the worst criminals are gathered up and forced to fight to the death where only three will walk away alive, the warden running it (Ice-T) is also being set up for the slaughter by the corporations that run such prison system, while wiry killer Lambert joins forces with hitman Halsey, Innocent by stander Van Valkenburgh and femme fatale Warren in a fight to the finish. Fight sequences that involve bats, guns and even garrots are used all set to mambo (?) music. Mean Guns moves at a very quick pace and has lots of well choreographed action that often adds a surreal touch to proceedings, as things grow so hectic and bizarre it becomes surreal. Indeed the main inspiration for Mean Guns is no doubt John Woo. For Pyun even tries to tie this movie with a heroic bloodshed angle that, all things considered, offers effective moments (though the ending is overkill). What works the best are Lambert and Ice-T, two actors that have more range than they often show in throwaway B.movies like this. Lambert in particular has his best role in ages as a wiry psychopath that volunteers for such and who has vague qualities that don’t necessarily make him the clear cut bad guy. Ice-T meanwhile uses his New Jack City presence and makes good on creating a menacing yet humorous bad guy. Another plus is the chemistry between Thom Mathews and Yuji Okumoto, as two prisoners who work effectively as a team but let a fetching blonde come between them. All of this in the end is silly and the ending in particular doesn’t work with the overall tone of such, but even Pyun detractors will find something to enjoy here. It’s not great but this is a fun B.movie.

Crazy Six (1998) 1/2*

Cast:Rob Lowe, Ice-T, Mario Van Peebles, Burt Reynolds, Thom Mathews

Directed by Albert Pyun

Crazy Six stars Lowe as a burned out con man junkie who finds himself in big trouble when he rips off Ice-T and finds himself hunted in some dilapidated European wasteland. One of the problems with Crazy Six is determining what exactly is going on. The plot follows a fairly similar theme of double crosses and such but the movie is so murky and ugly that the film fails to work as even camp. To make matters worse the character of Crazy Six is boring, unlikable and wimpy. Indeed Lowe pretty much is bailed out by Mathews and Reynolds and pretty much the movie tries to be Tarantino like in mood, unfortunately Pyun just can’t muster any enthusiasm among his talented cast. Rob Lowe in particular is miscast as an action hero, but what makes the casting worse is that Lowe clearly knows how far his star has faded and he brings that sense of “doing it for the paycheck” to his role that ultimately makes it sort of sad. Indeed all actors involved have seen better days and it’s not a secret given the aggressive contempt they speak their lines with. Indeed this movie most likely has a more interesting story behind the scenes, in which a far more enjoyable movie would be mainly asking the actors what it’s like to be in a film ungainly to the eyes and how boring it is to play such roles and the stories involved with why they took the role in the first place. Crazy Six is a really terrible effort all around. I usually defend Pyun as creatively misunderstood, but this was rough going for me. Indeed one doubts if Pyun even enjoyed making this film, given the workmanlike camera angles and indeed lack ofreal ambition in committing this turkey to celluloid. In fact one wonders if this wasn’t done without the threat of violence to the cast and their loved ones. Crazy Six is so extremely tedious that it’s not a film that is watched so much as endured. You stand warned.

Jeff Speakman Binge

2010-05-31T18:24:00.000-07:00

The Perfect Weapon (1991) * * *

Cast:Jeff Speakman, John Dye, James Hong, Mako, Professor Toru Tanaka, Mariska Hargitay, Beau Starr, Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa

Directed by Mark DiSalle

Speakman stars as a martial arts expert who looks to avenge the death of his Korean mentor who was killed by the Korean mafia (led by Hong and carried out by the awesome Tanaka) in this fairly enjoyable kung fu effort that features some great martial arts sequences and contains a better story than usual that makes up for the dull and uncharismatic Jeff Speakman. Let’s be perfectly candid, Jeff Speakman doesn’t live up to the Schwarzenggers and Stallones, but he still seems less credible to the likes of martial arts stars that include Van Damme, Seagal,Norris, Lundgren and Dudikoff. Indeed one is hard pressed to wonder who the better actor is between Jeff Speakman and Lorenzo Lamas. Speakman wins out by a slight margin but man, is does this guy lack charisma. Indeed what makes such worse is that Speakman is supposedly Paramount’s answer to counteract the said listed action stars but while this vehicle is enjoyable, Speakman is a big time detractor to what could’ve been a great kung fu movie. The Perfect Weapon features excellent action sequences that make this worth the price of recommendation as the fight sequences are well staged and frequent enough to make this movie worthwhile but the truth remains that this studio production could’ve been better with a better star. Indeed Speakman is so lame as a hero that he manages to come off as not only not bad-ass enough, but not nearly tough enough to sell the audience of his worth as he is supposed to be all tough with tons of anger but he ends up coming off as a pouty teenager out for attention. It also doesn’t help that his character spends half of the film going after the wrong guy and trying to kill such bad guy before going on the right track as you would’ve figured one would want to be sure before killing someone. That said you can’t ask for much better production values then what you got here and as dopey and bland as Speakman is at least he can fight which is his only redeeming factor. The Perfect Weapon is enjoyable as kung fu actioners go and worth seeing for the Speakman shakedowns as well as the excellent cast that includes genre favorites Mako and Tanaka, but this could’ve been so much more and the reason the film is only decent instead of a classic is because of the lack of charisma of failed star Jeff Speakman. Indeed it stands to reason that this film would remain his best to date as only his next two movies were even remotely watchable. Paramount needed a star that could compete with the Van Dammes, Seagals, Norris’, Lundgrens and Dudikoffs but they settled on an actor that was on par with Olivier Gruner, Don “The Dragon” Wilson and David Bradley.

Street Knight (1993) * * *

Cast:Jeff Speakman, Christopher Neame, Jennifer Gatti, Bernie Casey

Directed by Albert Magnoli

Speakman stars in another enjoyable kung fu-fest which works despite his presence, Street Knight finds him as an ex-SWAT cop who works as a mechanic who finds himself the only one that stands between an all around drug war between Latino and Black gangs in which an uneasy truce has been formed, of course Speakman finds out that White gun dealers (and ex-cops) want to provoke a war so they can make money off the weapons deals. Once again Street Knight is an enjoyable movie worth seeing, despite the dull star who is an even worse actor than Don “The Dragon” Wilson but slightly better than Lorenzo Lamas. Once again the material elevates the dull Speakman to better than average status which makes one wonder if Speakman can even move his facial expressions. Once again we get involved in the chaos of the story because of so much momentum and action going on but it’s not the charisma of Speakman that sells this, it's the action that is good if a tad derivative of Steven Seagal. Once again this is all fine and dandy as decent kung fu movies go, but Street Knight would be more distinctive and enjoyable if it had a better star than Jeff Speakman. Indeed if not for the fight sequence where Speakman beats henchman down with a wrench this wouldn’t be recommended. Speakman romancing Gatti almost derails the film completely and almost always breaks up the momentum of the action. Still Speakman does beat up guys with two big wrenches and that this is one of the better Cannon movies from the 90s.

The Expert (1995) * * *

Cast: Jeff Speakman, James Brolin, Alex Datcher, Elizabeth Gracen, Michael Shaner, Jim Varney

Directed by Rick Avery

Jeff Speakman stars as a SWAT officer who breaks into the prison to execute the murderer of his sister, after said criminal's death penalty is overturned in a movie that features some strong moments but is ultimately only decent because Speakman just doesn't work in the role. Basically you watch the movie and enjoy such but one wishes a better actor was the lead. The Expert features a great premise with lots of potential but ultimately such is floundered away by using such a story on such a lame actor. In this caseJeff Speakman gives a typically wooden performance. Once again a (very) good script would’ve been better used to the talents of Fred Williamson, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren, but in the hands of Jeff Speakman we feel only so-so stakes being played as the usual right wing politics are played in a well directed and fast paced way. Indeed this story would’ve been a four-star movie in the likes of a better star as Speakman is just too dull in the lead to really showcase pain and suffering. Meanwhile Shaner is excellent in a Ted Bundy-ish role, Indeed his performance makes us wonder about the death penalty and whether we should agree with those who say we should kill those that we kill. In fact the whole cast is far better than Speakman which gets the viewer involved in the character's plight. Indeed Brolin, Shaner and Varney are so well suited to their roles that one wonders why they weren't given more screen time and how a far better actor (like Kurt Russell) would’ve been better in the lead role. Indeed while the action is good one can’t help but see how much better The Expert would be with a better star who could do justice to the revenge angle. Plus the questions The Expert tries to ask is killed by having our hero being so blank. That said I always find politics (right or left) fascinating in my action movies, for example I enjoyed the politics of movies like Angel Town and Bloodfist III as such always gives the movie a watchable edge but this premise is let down mainly because Speakman isn’t brutal or Everyday-man enough to sell the lead . To be fair Speakman is no worse than he ever is, it’s just that we need is a hero who you see as being pushed to the limit and who registers sympathy and likability despite his plight. Speakman just can’t pull it off. In other words The Expert is a good movie but it didn't reach its potential.

2010-05-31T17:48:00.000-07:00

Blackbelt (1992) * * *

Cast:Don “The Dragon” Wilson, Matthias Hues, Dierdre Imershein, Richard Beymer

Directed by Charles Phillip Moore, Rick Jacobson

Matthias Hues and his imposing screen presence is the show in this violent cross between The Last Dragon and The Bodyguard as The Dragon is brought in to protect rising singer Shanna (Imershein) from killer kickboxer John Sweet (Hues) and mobsters who want her to sign an extension on her contract so they can make money of her. Blackbelt then is a pretty silly effort with only great villains and some amped up fight sequences to make it worth seeing. The story is certainly a mess as plot holes are a plenty. For instance the whole aspect of Mobster Beymer wanting to kill the Pop-star for the insurance as such would be at the most 80 thousand dollars, given the fact said singer has only just started to get big. Another aspect of the film is the pop star herself. The pop star is hands down one of the most slutty characters we’ve seen as she pretty much humps anything that moves, in fact it's even hinted that she may have been with her engaged gal-pal. (Maybe I just have a sick mind) Honestly though I wouldn't put it past the pop star's character. Indeed the way she tries to seduce the Dragon makes her come off as a hoe. I'm not saying Imershein is that way in real life but her character makes Kelly Bundy seem like a nun. Indeed she's also manipulative as well, as she has sex with her protector of course after telling The Dragon it’s over with her manager boyfriend, which clearly it isn’t which then starts fight between The Dragon and the Manager which one wonders if the pop star didn't do on purpose just for kicks. Also she clearly jerks the Dragon around and is clearly with her manager until Hues intervenes. Obviously this pop star became the pre-cursor to today's pop stars. Why she gets mad at The Dragon for cleaning out her ex’s clock (and in a clear case of self defense.) isn't even explained. Leading The Dragon to quit. This stuff even if it isn't necessary make the movie more interesting than the usual Dragon bash fest. Also among that is a huge goof which finds Hues cutting off his finger and then somehow magically growing such back for his big showdown with The Dragon, indeed we even see his finger grip a sword in the dojo climax. There are also some other things that don’t make sense, mainly why Matthias Hues’ motivation for stalking the pop star is because his mother was also a pop star who he had an incestuous affair with (?!) and the pop star in peril was also molested by her father. What is most surprising about such is that none of this even ties into the plot as it really could be just a psychopath kickboxer with no back story and such would’ve been the same. Indeed this whole movie is just weird on so many levels, on how it has enough plot for three kickboxing movies ( at least 13 Don The Dragon Wilson movies) and yet I still enjoyed this. The production values aren’t too bad for a Corman kung fu epic and I liked seeing Richard Beymer and Matthias Hues tear up the scenery. The fight sequences are also the selling point and these happen frequently enough and are well staged so one never gets bored with the movie. Certainly Blackbelt features a messy plot and lead characters that are just plain bizarrely written, but this works in making Blackbelt more fun than most Dragon efforts and I also appreciated the upping of carnage as clearly this is probably The Dragon’s most blood thirsty movie to date. Movies like Blackbelt are worth seeing for fans of B.(ad) movies because it delivers what it promises and even more with chunks of unintentional hilarity. Blackbelt then is a must for kung fu fans and yes, this is head and shoulders above most of The Dragon’s efforts. I mean mainly for the cast, as where else are you gonna see The Dragon take on Tony from West Side Story. So yes it's a decent Don "The Dragon" Wilson movie. Take that anyway you want...

Fist Of Fear, Touch Of Death

2010-05-30T14:11:00.000-07:00

Fist Of Fear, Touch Of Death (1980) 0*

Cast: "Bruce Lee" (Stock footage), Fred Williamson, Bill Louie, Ron Van Clief, Aaron Banks, Adolph Caesar

Directed by Matthew Mallinson

They really don't get any worse than this. I mean if there is a movie out there worse in terms of quality, cheapness and absurdity I for sure will give up movies all together for this movie is an abomination to the eyes of a viewer. The plot if one really wants to know (and trust me there really isn't much of one) surrounds the "fascinating" evening that will take place as a martial arts tournament is taken place to find a successor to Bruce Lee. What makes things even more ridiculous is that the stars of the film such as Fred Williamson, Van Clief and Caesar (near the end) openly say what all the viewers are thinking in how such a tournament is completely ridiculous. It's almost as if the director heard a tournament was taking place, got his hands on some Bruce Lee stock footage and then somehow got some martial artists and got Fred Williamson and Adolph Caesar and threw it together into this jumble of crap. Williamson and Caesar are decent actors but there is no way they can save this movie, indeed one gets the impression that Bruce Lee and Fred Williamson team up to fight bad guys (which would sort of be cool) but this waste of time is a huge lesson in exploitation. There are some laughs mainly how they refer to Lee's Jeet Kune Do style as "Karate" which is a Japanese style but that isn't even the half of it as we learn Lee's grandfather was a samurai. I can't even explain how mind bogglingly awful Fist Of Fear Touch Of Death is. There just aren't enough words in the English language.

The worst part is how it insults the intelligence of the viewer who has even mildly enjoyed a Bruce Lee movie. We hear Bruce Lee's grandpa was a samurai.(The fact that samurais were from Japan and Bruce Lee is Chinese not withstanding) Just adds to the overall stupidity. Oh and then we get footage of Bruce Lee explaining to his mother that he beats people up because of his tradition of his samurai grandfather, what makes this movie so unbelievably bad is that this footage is shot like a soap opera and is then spliced in with a bad samurai movie. Actually I take that back the samurai movie maybe indeed good but taken in this direction it just shows adds up to the overall futile surroundings. Williamson is wasted, the tournament footage is lackluster and the Bill Louie cameo is just unbelievably stupid. This is without a doubt the worst movie I've ever seen and one that I'm pretty sure will be the worst in a lifetime of bad movies watched.

2010-05-18T13:55:00.000-07:00

Robocop (1987) * * * *

Cast: Peter Weller, Nancy Allen, Ronny Cox, Kurtwood Smith, Miguel Ferrer, Dan O’Herlihy,Robert DoQui, Felton Perry

Directed by Paul Verhoeven

One of the all time best sci-fi/action hybrids of all time still holds up real well. Robocop details the story of a fatally wounded police officer who is turned into a cyborg police unit who single handedly fights crime however Robocop remembers parts of his past and sets out to find out who killed him when he was human all while big business yuppies compete to solve Detroit’s crime problem. Robocop really is as awesome as you've heard, you really have the best comic-book captured on film, you have excellent action sequences, hilarious satire and a lot of character driven humanity that make Robocop actually somewhat touching. People often go back and forth as to whether Robocop or The Terminator and T2 are better but I’m more than content with saying that these films are equally excellent and different films. The Terminator had a compelling love story and time travel can’t overcome destiny message that drove the action, this one has satire and a message of humanity and tragedy (almost Shakespeare like) that drives the action. Peter Weller deserves the most credit for making Robocop work so well in the sequences where there is just reflection. One particular scene that is distinctive in its tragic hero is the way Robocop goes back to his house and starts to remember his past life and family, this sequence gives Robocop an emotional angle that few films ever have. Another good scene is the one where Robocop and his former partner (Allen) right before the climax kicks in, to which Robocop asks about his family and to which he says “I can feel them, but I can’t remember them.” This might sound depressing but that isn’t describing the hilarious jabs at the media, corporate big business and the excitement found in the action sequences. Indeed this actually shares a lot in common with Death Wish 1, for the way it balances the sadness of the main character (though in Death Wish, the hero is starts to deal with his grief through violence) and the way media handles it. Much of Robocop works due to the excellent directing of Verhoeven a director that often uses the action and carnage to make a comedic or actual point. It’s a one of a kind film that deserves to be remembered as one of the very best classics of the genre. Robocop is that film that doesn’t come along everyday and it’s not only worth seeing, it’s a priority.

Robocop 2 (1990) * * *

Cast: Peter Weller, Nancy Allen, Dan O’Herlihy, Felton Perry,Tom Noonan, Gabriel Damon, Stephen Lee,Robert DoQui

Directed by Irvin Kershner

Robocop 2 is of course not up to the level of Robocop 1, but it is good on its own merits. Indeed Robocop 2’s satire is far sharper than the first. (The commercials are just overall far funnier, and Robocop 1 was no slouch) The action is about on par, the atmosphere feels grimier and more mean spirited which is an asset and the special effects are better. So why Robocop 2 isn’t quite as good as the first one is simple. It lacks the character driven tragic hero aspect that provided the first one with emotion and heart. This sequel has a few moments of such, like when Robocop confronts his former wife, to which he realizes he can’t offer her a real relationship. Another excellent scene finds Robocop comforting a dying teen drug dealer (Damon) to which the kid says “I’m gonna die, you know this feeling right? It really sucks!” to which Robocop replies “yes.” Had there been more sequences like this, Robocop 2 would’ve been a sequel that lived up to its predecessor. However the sequel merely works as sci-fi action. I don’t want to imply that Robocop 2 is terrible, rather it just lacks the heroic bloodshed angle that makes the difference between classic and decent. Robocop 2 though does benefit from great villains, as well as a really exciting climax and weirdly enough Robocop 2 even gets you to care about the villains as all characters are human, Despicable perhaps, but human and with three dimensional personalities. Robocop 2 than also suffers from trying to do too much as there is enough material here to warrant four more more sequels, so cramming it all together is what damages the appeal of such movie. This is one of those movies that probably has a longer cut that is more inherently satisfying. Overall Robocop 2 is worth seeing and I think fans of the first will find a lot to like, Just know that it isn’t on the same level as the first and you’ll be alright. The satire though is sharper than part 1.

Robocop 3 (1993) *

Cast: Robert John Burke, Nancy Allen, Felton Perry,Rip Torn, Jill Hennesey, Mako, John Castle, CCH Pounder, Remy Ryan, Robert DoQui

Directed by Fred Dekker

This pointless and awesomely dull sequel finds Robocop joining a rebel underground to fight back against the OCP army who are throwing the poor out of their homes, while also fighting a robotic ninja. Robocop 3 isn’t just terrible, it is an abomination. Robocop 3 for one is PG-13 and so such is watered down for children despite the fact that Robocop 1-2 were both violent movies that worked because said violence set up a comic-book like futuristic atmosphere. This movie is so hokey and dull that even a rip off like say Nemesis is way better than such. Robocop 3 is just painful to watch, say what you will about Robocop 2, but at least the climax as well as the action delivered on all accounts and was on par with the action style. Robocop 2 might’ve been missing the heart but it had the satire (that was even better than 1), the action and it gave Robocop something to do. Indeed this sequel finds Robocop sitting around out of action. The only positive thing I can say is that maybe the idea could've worked with an R rated approach and with a bigger budget (And some energy) Robocop 3 might’ve been able to have been made into something decent out of the idea. Admittedly the idea of Robocop going underground to protect people from the OCP fascist army is fairly inspired, just too bad there wasn’t enough energy or in fact carnage to make such a premise work on film. The worst thing about Robocop 3 is the uninspired feeling to everything, none of the actors that returned seem all that enthused (Allen only agreed to be in such if they killed her character off) and star Peter Weller didn’t even show up. All of this dooms Robocop 3 as it becomes quite obvious nobody here wanted to make anything special. This was a sequel made to cash paychecks and it shows. I literally can’t really find much else nice to say, as if I rattled off the problems with Robocop 3 it would sound like a laundry list. Mainly the jetpack thing is lame, the robot ninjas are lame (especially compared to the two robot enemies in 1-2) , the film just seems murky rather than atmospheric and the film is just plain dull. Overall it was sort of sad to see Robocop go out on such a horrendous note.

2010-05-15T03:00:00.000-07:00

Avenging Force (1986) * * *1/2

Cast: Michael Dudikoff, Steve James, John P. Ryan, James Booth, Bill Wallace, Karl Johnson

Directed by Sam Firstenberg

Dudikoff stars as Matt Hunter, “The most promising man the secret service ever had” who fights to protect a Black senator Larry Richards (James) from Pentangle,a gang of white supremacists who when not involved in racist exploits, like to hunt people in the bayou, in what is one of the most underrated action flicks of the 80s. Avenging Force is one of the most hard hitting films of the genre that is sort of like Southern Comfort in its premise except with a more take no prisoners approach which overall takes the viewer by surprise with just how far this film goes in spectacle and action, and while a lot of the time the film is over the top the film never fails to be suspenseful and exciting. Avenging Force was not at all what fans of American Ninja expected, as Avenging Force was mean spirited (often shockingly so) and extremely well put together. There is no doubt that this is the best film that both Firstenberg and Dudikoff ever made. The film is merely just a solid action flick for the first and second reel but then when Pentangle attacks and finishes Steve James and his family off (in a rather shocking sequence) the film then earns that something extra as Dudikoff finds himself hunted in the bayou. These contain some of the best action sequences from the 1980s (which overall make it the best overall) that recall Peckinpath in terms of suspense and grittiness. The truth of the matter is that Avenging Force is an underrated classic (that thankfully is a cult classic) that deserves the DVD treatment. If anything else Avenging Force represents one of the very best from Cannon films and the best film to date from Dudikoff, James and Firstenberg. Indeed as fun as the American Ninja (1-2) films are one can’t help but wish that Firstenberg had made a couple sequels to this. All in all this is a diamond in the rough and well worth hunting down. Indeed why this isn’t on DVD is a crime.

Riverbend (1989) * *1/2

Cast: Steve James, Margaret Avery, Tony Frank, Alex Morris

Directed by Sam Firstenberg

Steve James stars as Black Vietnam vet facing court martial who helps an oppressed black town fight back against a corrupt White bigots led by the town's sheriff (Frank) and mayor in a blaxploitation film that was made 15 years or so too late, that despite the odds is watchable but still an interesting failure due to the questionable politics and the overall messy way things are wrapped up. While I can’t recommend this film, I must praise both the performances of Steve James and Tony Frank. Steve James was one of those actors in the genre that doesn’t seem to have gotten the recognition he deserved (Indeed he was always the best thing about a bad movie like American Ninja 3 or Bloodfist 5) and here he makes for an admirable presence, handling the physical action roles perfectly and having the charisma that exceeds even Fred Williamson (and that’s high praise) but this film pretty much gives him not many bad guys to fight and the politics are a little too extreme even for my tastes. For instance while prejudiced things go on in such a town, I don’t think the ideal solution is to lock up ALL whites in a church regardless of the politics (Including a white guy who fights for equal rights). However despite the politics the film never runs with such to become fascinating as it is derailed by the court martial subplot which detracts from the enjoyment here. However while the film doesn’t quite work, it does have an excellent villain in Tony Frank who makes for a surprisingly human racist and who makes his imposing threat real. The real problem here is that Steve James ends up fighting the Army who is sent in after he takes hostages, when a better movie would have had him fighting Tony Frank and his band of racists. Indeed had this been Steve James and Co. Fighting racists, this film would’ve been a surefire recommendation but because it is concerned too much with politics and questionable ones at best, Riverbend ends up being a good try and nothing more.

American Samurai (1992) * *1/2

Cast: David Bradley, Mark Dacascos, Valarie Trapp, Rex Ryon, John Fujioka

Directed by Sam Firstenberg

David Bradley stars as journalist and closet samurai (?) who enters a brutal tournament to fight his stepbrother (Dacascos) who has stolen his sacred sword (Dacascos is ticked off his biological father gave the sword to Bradley (an orphan taken in by the family) than him) and so much combat ensues in which weapons dispatch competitors in especially gory ways. American Samurai is a near miss mainly due to the two leads. Dacascos is hammy and far too over the top in the role as the villain (He certainly is no Bolo Yeung) while Bradley is extremely wooden and dull in the lead. So while American Samurai has some well done action and a few exciting moments here and there, it just doesn’t work as the film doesn’t even generate the minimal human interest that a martial arts films has to do. The film’s only bright spot in terms of characters come from Valarie Trapp and Rex Ryon who are well suited to their roles and are likable despite the fact that the film’s ridiculous screenplay gives them little to do. American Samurai then is a mediocre effort, a failed attempt to turn this into the next American Ninja, but while that had far more ambition and more creativity, American Samurai just has battle arena carnage and dull characters. A forgettable effort for sure, but fans of Bradley and Dacascos might enjoy the mindless antics here.

Cyborg Cop (1993) * *

Cast: David Bradley, John Rhys-Davies, Alonna Shaw, Todd Jensen

Directed by Sam Firstenberg

David Bradley stars as Jack Ryan (Hunt For Red October this is not) a DEA agent who looks to save his brother from terrorists (Davies in a decent performance as usual) who has turned said brother into a cyborg and to which Bradley finds a squeeze in reporter (Shaw) and finds that beating these bad guys will be difficult. Cyborg Cop is a competent effort and is never dull for a second, the only problem is that is that it’s so routine when it should be better than it is. Bradley is okay in the role (Way better than he was in American Ninja 3-5 and American Samurai) but he isn’t action as much as he should be. The only real life of this film (aside from the action) comes from the subplot between Bradley and Shaw who make for a surprisingly likable couple. Indeed it isn’t much as this film doesn’t even stand up to the better B.movies that exploit this material in far more interesting ways but Cyborg Cop is painless to sit through and does provide some fun even if all of it is done in a completely by the numbers way.

Cyborg Soldier (1994) *

Cast: David Bradley, Morgan Hunter, Jill Pierce

Directed by Sam Firstenberg

This time DEA agent Jack Ryan (Bradley again) fights back against a terrorist (Hunter) he killed who has been automated and who now threatens the world as we know it. Basically this is Universal Soldier again only without the sense of humor, freshness or even the energy that made such work. Cyborg Soldier has some action (mainly the beginning and ending) but such becomes overkill as we get tired of the action as the film has literally nothing to offer outside of that. Meanwhile the mad scientist plot as well as the plot-holes which never even attempts to answer why scientists would want to turn such a loose cannon terrorist into a cyborg is never explained. Indeed this film is all firepower without any ambition, humor or quality to make such enjoyable. In fact the film is just so mindless and inert in terms of ideas that the film just becomes tedious. Also it should be noted that Bradley is completely boring and unlikable here and this time there is no redeeming subplot to bail out the tedium. In fact the action isn’t even up to par.

Quicksand (2003) * * *

Cast: Michael Dudikoff, Brooke Theiss, Richard Kind, Dan Hedaya, Douglas Weston

Dudikoff fares well in a suspense movie that casts the ex-American Ninja as a Military psychiatrist who investigates a seemingly open and shut case involving Randi (Theiss of Nightmare On Elm Street 4 fame) who redefines the term "damaged goods" as we learn that she may or may not have had an incestuous affair and when her father dies, she is the #1 suspect, however there is other stuff involving meds that cause suicide among those that take them and Dudikoff finds himself in a world where he doesn’t know who to trust. Unlike say Jill The Ripper, Quicksand actually works as Dudikoff fares well in such a role. Quicksand isn’t really an action flick and for fans expecting Ninja hijinks and mindless action will certainly be disappointed, but for those that stick with it, will find a solid little B.movie suspenser that has its share of narrative twists and turns that make this compulsively watchable. Indeed I was surprised at how much I was engrossed in Dudikoff and Theiss’ relationship which makes up the film’s selling point. The action sequences that are there (as you cannot make a Michael Dudikoff movie without such) are well staged (with a well done car chase being the highlight) but it’s overall the story and the surprisingly sharp acting that keeps you compelled. Indeed the ending is suspenseful not because we see Dudikoff take on the bad guys but because he is far removed from the American Ninja character we associate with him. Quicksand then isn’t as good as Firstenberg and Dudikoff’s other collaborations but it’s entertaining all the same and Dudikoff proves himself to be a decent actor. However it must be noted that the overblown music score is terrible and the biggest flaw in an otherwise decent film.

Pray For Death

2010-05-15T01:40:00.000-07:00

Pray For Death (1986)
* * *1/2

Cast: Sho Kosugi, James Booth, Donna Kei-Benz, Norman Burton, Kane Kosugi, Shane Kosugi

Directed by Gordon Hessler

Kosugi stars in what is probably the best U.S ninja film to date (This one still isn’t as fun as Five Element Ninjas) as a businessman and closet ninja who dispenses his deadly skills when mobsters kill his wife and threaten his kids over some type of priceless necklace. Pray For Death is really the best U.S ninja film of the 80s as it features excellent choreography and a really well done revenge subplot that has us rooting for Kosugi. Indeed this film is even more fun than the American Ninja series (1-2) as well as Kosugi’s Enter The Ninja and Revenge Of The Ninja mainly due to how personal the action feels. Pray For Death not only works as Ninja hokum but actually works as more as Pray For Death has its moments in political statement in saying how violent American cities are, Of course such is Reagan paranoia but it does filter well with the rest of the action and because the revenge angle works so well, we find ourselves engrossed in Kosugi’s quest for revenge. Indeed real stakes are being played and like the equally enjoyable Avenging Force (also written by Booth) the bad guys mean business and the action sequences are tough and brutal in a way to indicate seriousness this genre rarely has. However Pray For Death works mainly because it just keeps coming with the action. Pray For Death then isn’t just a good kung fu film but rather a good action movie overall that is well worth seeing. Indeed one can safely say this is Sho Kosugi’s best film to date and deserves a more prolific DVD release and an overall rediscovery as this film should be heralded as one of the best in the martial arts genre, too bad the title is so bad as it detracts from an otherwise well made and thrilling martial arts flick.

Street Fighter series

2010-05-15T01:20:00.000-07:00

Street Fighter (1994) *1/2

Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Raul Julia, Ming Na, Kylie Minogue Wes Studi, Damian Chapa, Byron Mann, Roshan Seth, Grand L. Bush, Simon Callow

Directed by Steven E. de Souza

Street Fighter is a tragedy for many reasons. The biggest reason is that the actors are pretty decent and yet despite their efforts the film just stinks. The biggest problem is the comic tone which is lame and the action sequences that are watered down. Indeed Van Damme isn’t actually too bad as Guile (Belgian accent aside) and Raul Julia (in his final role) is actually great, as is Na and Studi. The truth is that the film is a case of lame comedy overcoming the actors at hand. Also the film isn’t nearly as fun as the addictive video game. In terms of faithfulness, the film does detract from the video game as Ryu (Mann) is the hero of the game and not Guile (Van Damme) but whatever the case, this film is just plain tedious. Part of the problem is adapting this to little kids and hence the action is family friendly and lame as far as Van Damme movies go. Indeed this film is a disappointment for not only fans of the video game but also for fans of Van Damme as he doesn’t have a lot to do. Indeed even the fight sequences are fairly lame, which you think would be the selling point of such a movie. Indeed Street Fighter is downright dull on so many fronts that you wonder how director de Souza takes such a good idea and turns it into such a crushing bore. Indeed if it not for Raul Julia’s flamboyant performance as well as the other cast giving it their all, this film would be a total waste of time. As it is, the film is still a strictly sub-par effort that is a failure by any standard.

Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun Li (2009) *

Cast: Kristin Kreuk, Chris Klein, Neal McDonough , Robin Shou

Directed by Andrzei Bartkowiak

This time this film (which is more of a reboot than sequel) finds Kreuk looking to avenge her father from M. Bison (McDonough) in a really terrible movie that is somehow even worse than the first. Look the original is a very bad movie but if you were to put this one next to the first, I bet many people would find the first to be not only superior but to be a 4-star movie by comparison. Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun Li is just an embarrassment. Starting with Chris Klein’s woeful performance and with how dull this film is. I really don’t know what to say outside of saying that this film is awful. The Story is full of clichés, the fight sequences are lame and the film is miscast all across the board. Seriously this is one of the all time worst video game adaptations and you have to wonder why they bothered with Chun Li , when Ryu is the hero of this video game series. Robin Shou meanwhile still seems to struggle to find anything worthwhile of his talents (his last decent movie was the first Mortal Kombat) while Klien’s laughable performance will have people changing their tunes about the 1994 debacle, that movie while bad, had the redeeming value in Raul Julia's great performance, this ridiculous and dull film doesn’t even have that and is somehow even duller than the first.

Live Action Anime Adaptations

2010-05-10T03:18:00.000-07:00

Riki-Oh: The Story Of Ricky (1991) * * * *

Cast: Fan Siu-Wong, Mei Sheng Fan, Ka-Kui Ho, Yukari Oshima, Phillip Kwok

Directed by Ngai Kai Lam

The Story Of Ricky is simply put one of the all time greats in the Kung Fu movie genre. I don’t like to throw around four star ratings but if there is a movie that deserves the ultimate rating, it is The Story Of Ricky which is the ultimate gore epic. The story is some half-assed fable about Ricky a super powered kung fu expert who takes on the gang of four (one of them a gay kung fu expert who runs opium and is played by a woman) as well as two sadistic wardens (Fan and Ho, one who has a hook for a hand and keeps mints in his glass eyeball and the other who morphs into a Godzilla version of himself) while staying in the corporate prisons of 2001 A.D. The Story Of Ricky is just great fun all around. The film could perhaps be taken as a sheer camp fest but the only problem is that with the whole Hong Kong film genre, I’m pretty sure this was done as tongue in cheek fun, hence a lot of the laughs are intentional. Also the film hits a nerve (or tendon) with the sheer over the top nature of the violence, heads are crushed, meat grinders are used to convert people and limbs into hamburger, people strangle one another with their intestines and most importantly the movie’s soundtrack, dubbing and style of fight sequences all are done like 70s Kung Fu movies. This then leaves the gore effects that is sometimes hilariously fake but no matter the case still add to the experience of the film. Also let it be said a lot of the gore effects are pretty decently done (Ricky Vs Silly Lung for instance) Indeed this is a very entertaining movie, the kind that you wish they would make more of. The film also must be praised for the zany sense of humor and the added goofiness that make the movie so enjoyable, for instance as soon as an eyeball is knocked from the socket, vultures fly quickly to devour such literally seconds after the eye hits the ground. It’s moments like that as well as the surreal climax which make this one of the all time best kung fu movies of all time. The Story Of Ricky is then in its own way , some kind of wonderful genius.

Crying Freeman (1995) * *1/2

Cast: Mark Dacascos, Julie Condra, Rae Dawn Chong, Mako, Tcheky Karyo, Byron Mann,Yoko Shimata

Directed by Christophe Gans

The second movie in our binge of Anime movies adapted to the big screen is Crying Freeman, a visually stylish film but empty and lackluster on all levels. Dacascos stars as a weepy assassin (literally because he cries every time he kills someone) who ends up falling for the artist (Condra) he is assigned to kill, meanwhile the Yakuza and such get involved in a film that seems to try too hard to create the world of the Crying Freeman. The biggest problem with said movie is that Condra and Dacascos’ complete lack of chemistry. Indeed this is the part we are supposed to believe in most but while Dacascos and Condra apparently got along very well (As they got married and have been since 1998) they really don’t have any erotic chemistry as their love story is flat and dreary, which also kills any momentum the film might have. The action too is infrequent and only adequate when it should be outstanding. I think is the same sentiment with the film, For it is fairly faithful to the Anime in mood and story but yet it just doesn’t work because the two leads lack any chemistry, indeed the supporting characters involving Chong, Karyo, Mako and Shimata are far more compelling and interesting than the love story that supposedly drives the movie. Crying Freeman then isn’t terrible, but it is fairly disappointing and certainly a missed opportunity.

Fist Of The North Star (1995) * *1/2

Cast: Gary Daniels, Costas Mandylor, Chris Penn, Malcolm McDowell, Downtown Julie Brown, Clint Howard, Isako Wishio

Directed by Tony Randel

Fist Of The North Star’s fairly incomprehensible plot details around two rival kung fu schools that can never fight, to which Mandylor breaks the rules and badly beats Daniels to which Daniels wanders around sulking around for vengeance or something like that. Honestly this movie makes no sense whatsoever but works in a surreal WTF way. For instance narrations are explained over and over again and yet the result is the same mainly ridiculous nonsense that is merely an excuse to see bizarre things happen to various actors in a burned out apocalypse world. North Star would be a full-fledged recommendation, if Gary Daniels weren’t such a boring lead, where as Jean-Claude Van Damme or Dolph Lundgren have larger than life presence as heroes, the role of Kenshiro could’ve certainly used that. Daniels though is merely boring and looks rather ungainly and un-kept which detracts from his heroic plight. Worst of all is that he clearly has no sense of humor or indeed a sense of style to make the concept work. Even more surprisingly is how his martial artistry is underused and that these sequences are merely decent as opposed to mind blowing. The whole film does look great, as Hellbound:Hellraiser 2’s director Tony Randel knows how to build mood (Indeed if Randel directed Crying Freeman, they might’ve had something) and the sets, lighting and overall look are distinctive. Indeed the directing in the gore sequences as well as the action is crisply directed. Another plus that makes the movie sort of fun is the late great Chris Penn, playing Bondage-Face, a bad guy who is easily the most enjoyable character in the entire movie. However when you strip away the film’s stylish sets, the nifty directing and the kung fu battles, the truth of the matter is that this is all just one big mess of a movie that lacks a coherent whole and that doesn’t have really any plot to drive it from point A to B. Worst of all though is Gary Daniels, a humorless lead that couldn’t be any duller as a hero.

2010-05-10T02:28:00.000-07:00

Chain Of Command (2000) *

Cast: Patrick Muldoon, Roy Scheider, Michael Biehn, Maria Conchita Alonzo, Ric Young, Phillip Tan

Directed by John Terlesky

Scheider plays the President (for the hundredth time or so in undoubtedly the worst movie to date to cast him as such) who is compromised when he meets with a Taiwanese businessman who wants the briefcase with nuclear launch codes to destroy China. Enter Muldoon who plays the secret service agent who will save the day by basically standing still and shooting an AK47. Chain Of Command is really pushing it, even for fans of the cast. Michael Biehn in particular is wasted as a bad guy who isn’t given any motivation as to why he would help the Taiwanese terrorists. Scheider really though gets it the worst as this was the guy who killed the shark in Jaws and he’s reduced to a role in which he basically cowers and is held hostage. Plus the film clearly hates him for his womanizing ways which add up to nothing in said film. Sure he was in peril in the vastly superior Peacekeeper (check index) but he was given a lot more to do, as he was in Executive Power as he actually was allowed to fight alongside the good guys. Here though Scheider is utterly useless and one wonders why they hired Scheider if they weren’t going to use him. Of course what hurts the film also is the casting of Patrick Muldoon. Muldoon of Starship Troopers fame is far too young to convince one as being a killing machine standing between terrorists and nuclear destruction, Muldoon is of course no Dolph Lundgren or Mike Madsen but one was nostalgic for Lorenzo Lamas. Indeed part of the problem is that he seems too much like a teenager which is what is often the problem as he is apparently the one man that stands between the terrorists and Armageddon. Overall the most unforgivable problem is that Chain Of Command is just plain boring, with too many sequences of static suspense scenes and a climax that is just a complete mess. Chain Of Command than is a very ridiculous effort taken on its own plot threads but with the lack of action and lack of any real freshness to the exhausted material, Chain Of Command is just a deadly dull rip off.

2010-04-16T02:19:00.000-07:00

Masters Of The Universe (1987) *1/2

Cast: Dolph Lundgren, Frank Langella, Chelsea Field,Jon Cypher,Courtney Cox, Robert Duncan McNeill, Billy Barty, James Tolkan, Meg Foster, Christina Pickles

Directed by Gary Goddard

He-man (Lundgren) and his sidekicks (Field and Cypher) travel to earth to get their hands on a key that will set their sorceress (Pickles) free from the clutches of the evil Skeletor (Langella) who wants to rule the planet, also two teenagers (Cox and McNeill) get involved in what is one of the most uninspired movies ever made. Masters Of The Universe is a lifeless film all around, the type of film made with the littlest of effort because it was solely based on a TV series for kids. Indeed Masters Of The Universe is a prime example of a film being made with indifference for the film doesn’t even have the budget to have He-man fight on his own planet. This is a pretty lame movie but there are a few redeeming factors, one being Langella, Tolkan and Barty’s enthusiastic performances and to be fair the sets in the beginning and ending are well done, but one of the most disappointing parts of the film is how little action it has, as Lundgren and his sidekicks are kept out of action for a surprisingly long time. Also such a good cast is wasted on such boring material. Dolph meanwhile has some screen presence but this role doesn’t require anything but him flexing his muscles and given the lack of action, this will no doubt disappoint D.L fans. All in all though, Masters is just an extremely tedious film and completely void of energy.

Showdown Re-evaluation

2010-04-14T13:40:00.000-07:00

Showdown In Little Tokyo (1991) * * *

Cast: Dolph Lundgren, Brandon Lee, Tia Carrere, Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa, Toshiro Obata

Directed by Mark L. Lester

Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee join forces as two martial arts expert cops who battle the yakuza, bent on making a power play on the streets of Los Angeles. However for Dolph the fight is personal as the head yakuza boss killed his parents. The big twist here is that Dolph is like all big into samurai tradition, knows Japanese customs while Brandon Lee is an MTV junkie who is 100% American- Surprisingly Lester doesn’t take much advantage of this set up, opting instead to focus on Lundgren and Lee wasting numerous bad guys without breaking a sweat. I must admit Showdown In Little Tokyo is one of those films that you feel really sort of embarrassed to like. I for one should say that with the combined talents of Lundgren, Lee and Tagawa the fact this wasn’t a grandslam is a surprise. However then Showdown In Little Tokyo is so compulsively watchable and so hilariously un-politically correct that this shameless and gratutious action vehicle became a favorite among action fans and in my case I always secretly watched it as a guilty pleasure. There is much unintentional humor to be found and I must admit this film is ridiculous and unbelievably corny and badly structured in terms of script (the tone goes back and forth between grisly violence and would be comic lines) but despite my attempts to say how bad this movie is, it has managed to be in my DVD collection and I just enjoy the film immensely. Mainly because the movie tries too hard and is often ridiculous because of it, also the film's plot is a total hodge podge, I mean for one the film seems truncated by some 14 minutes (plot angles such as the police investigation, as well as why Dolph's parents were murdered aren't even explained!). The acting is horrible (Lundgren and Lee can barely keep straight faces) and Showdown doesn’t even attempt to make Tagawa a credible villain, indeed this could’ve been made in the World War II era for how racist it is toward the Japanese villains and yet I find myself watching it, often in morbid fascination and often out of sheer pleasurable guilt. I don’t know how to really explain it but, this movie is pretty bad as far as everything you can name (excepting the action and crisp direction) however it is just so compuslively watchable that I have to give it marks for something. Indeed I would argue that Lee and Lundgren fans will love this movie (look at me) but if its quality you seek, avoid it. In the mean time here is one of my all time guilty pleasures.

Cyborg (The Series) Re-evaluated (Cyborg 1)

2010-04-14T12:44:00.000-07:00

Cyborg (1989) * * *

Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Deborah Richter, Dayle Haddon, Vincent Klyn

Directed by Albert Pyun

Jean-Claude Van Damme stars as kickboxing savior Gibson Richenbacher, a mercenary of the future forced to battle a savage gang of mutants who kill people for unexplained reasons. Also is a robot named Pearl Prophet (Haddon) who has the cure for the plague in her bionic brain, and ergo needs to be delivered from evil by Gibson. Cyborg is a fairly bad kung fu rip off of Escape From New York, the acting is atrocious, the movie jumps from flashback to the present without explanation and worst of all, the movie is often incoherent. Cyborg does deliver the action for fans of the genre, and of course Cyborg is slightly better than most post apocalypse movies of its day, sad story, true as it is. That said the real appeal of Cyborg is in its camp appeal, as the silliness of the bad guys as well as the extremely bad acting make this one easy to laugh at. Indeed Cyborg hits its unintentional hilarity apex when Jean-Claude Van Damme is crucified and forced to kick down the cross. A scene so hilarious it makes the film a must for fans of hilariously awful cinema. Indeed I recommend as it is indeed better made than most films in its collective genre, the fight sequences are done right and the movie is never ever boring, however I recommend it with reservations because this is as campy as movies get. Indeed the finale in the end in particular will have Bad Movie fans in tears of laughter. While Cyborg can be considered somewhat of a failure, the truth is I really can't explain such badness when I watch such a movie so much. I mean the way Van Damme looks in his wig is worth the price of admission alone.

Cyborg 2 (1993) *

Cast: Jack Palance, Elias Koteas, Angelina Jolie, Billy Drago, Alan Garfield

Directed by Michael Schroeder

Apparently Jean-Claude Van Damme’s kickboxing did in fact save the world, as the future is much less devastated here, as big business corporations rule, as technology has in fact flourished since the plague. Anyway the movie has little to do with its predecessor but does have relatively the same plot, only lamer this time around. The story such as it is, revolves around a robot (Future superstar Angelina Jolie)who falls in love with a human karate instructor (character actor Elias Koteas) who then go on the lam, when it is discovered that Jolie has been programmed with a liquid explosive meant to take out a rival corporation. Billy Drago figures as the bounty hunter sent to retrieve our lovebirds, while Jack Palance plays a robot out to save our heroes. Palance, Jolie and Koteas are lost in a film that needs more kickboxing and less uninspired science fiction elements. Cyborg 2 borrows liberally from far better movies like Blade Runner, Max Headroom and The Terminator to name a few, but what really stops the movie dead in its tracks, is the drippy love plot angle, as well as the lack of plot to hold any of the story together. Palance rates as the best element in the film but the film is too repetitive and lame to work as even camp. Indeed at least the first movie tried hard…

A Better Tomorrow series

2010-04-04T20:49:00.000-07:00

A Better Tomorrow (1986) * * * *

Cast: Chow Yun-Fat, Ti Lung, Leslie Cheung, Waise Lee, Emily Chu, Kenneth Tsang

Directed by John Woo

When it comes to heroic bloodshed A Better Tomorrow literally blows you away. A Better Tomorrow details the complex relationship between a crook (Lung) trying to go legit and the turmoil faced between him and his straight arrow cop brother (Cheung) after being double crossed in Thailand by their employers things get worse as someone hires hitmen to snuff out Lung and Cheung’s dad and Chow Yun-Fat gives the best performance (and the acting is flawless) as a crippled hired gun who sticks with Lung and goads him into a final fight to get revenge on the new generation mobster Lee, Shing (Lee) who turns out to be the one who double crossed Lung in the first place. I must start out by saying A Better Tomorrow is a very impressive film, this is what heroic bloodshed is all about and in many ways this flick holds its own against Goodfellas, but it’s not just that this is a classic heroic bloodshed film but that it is an emotional film. Like, we actually are invested into these characters and while the action is spectacular and supremely bad-ass it’s the film’s flawless narrative that makes this a movie you’ll watch several times. The most credit goes to John Woo for having a keen ear for dialogue and for setting up actual characters as opposed to just mindless cartoons that who are there just for an excuse for the slaughter. Also the action sequences are so suspenseful and exciting (due to us actually caring about the characters) that this film deserves to stand as one of the reasons Woo is considered a master of the genre.

A Better Tomorrow II(1987)
* * *1/2

Cast:Chow Yun-Fat, Ti Lung, Leslie Cheung, Dean Shek, Emily Chu, Kenneth Tsang, Regina Kent

Directed by John Woo, Tsui Hark

Although more in the vein of one man army action than in the league with the original, A Better Tomorrow II is in a lot of ways just as exciting and interesting as the first, although the somewhat messy plot threads (due to an excess of them) sometimes gets in the way. The plot this time revolves more around the police investigation and how over the hill mobster Shek is targeted for death by mobsters looking to move him out, of course this includes killing Shek’s daughter (Kent) and numerous causalities that lead to a vengeance fueled showdown which finds Chow Yun-Fat again as the twin brother of his character of the first, suffice to say the story has too much going on to really match the freshness and impact of the original, but despite how messy it all is, A Better Tomorrow II is pretty impressive on its own terms. Indeed the lack of focus is a problem but all the stories are interesting and by the ending we are very much into the plight of the characters. The shootouts (especially the finale) are just as good as the first and just as absorbing. Indeed I can see why Hark and Woo got in each other’s ways and maybe the vision wasn’t what Woo or Hark had in mind, but regardless of this, A Better Tomorrow II is an excellent sequel that doesn’t at all deserve the flack it gets from both Woo and Woo fans. Indeed the climax alone makes this a must see.

A Better Tomorrow III (1990) * * 1/2

Cast: Chow Yun-Fat, Tony Leung Ka-Fai, Anita Mui, Shih Kien

Directed by Tsui Hark

It’s clear that the wheels are starting to fall off with A Better Tomorrow III, a watchable action flick with some good action, but unlike Tomorrows 1-2, this one feels somewhat tired and forced. That’s not to say A Better Tomorrow III is terrible, for instance Yun-Fat and Mui share great chemistry and the climax is genuinely great but the problem is, that what was fresh and involving in the first two has gotten stale. A Better Tomorrow III despite being a prequel and taking place in Vietnam, Hark doesn’t exactly know what to do with his backdrop. For instance Chow Yun-Fat and Leung Ka-Fai are both witness to a bombing and all this establishes is that they are in hostile territory. There are some great scenes though (Ironically most of them with Enter The Dragon’s Shih Kien) but the shootouts are operating on no drama at all and this time it’s just watching an action flick. This of course would be fine as a stand-alone film but as it is sequel to two excellent action-dramas, A Better Tomorrow III is ultimately somewhat of a disappointment by comparison, mainly because the drama that the first two had was so absorbing, Yet 3 feels forced and doesn’t kick in until the finale and by then it’s too late.

PM/Jeff Speakman Collaboration

2010-03-08T22:28:00.000-08:00

Land Of The Free (1998) ½*

Cast: Jeff Speakman, William Shatner, Chris Lemmon, John Furey, Lisa Darr

Directed by Jerry Jameson

Jeff Speakman and William Shatner star in what is no doubt the worst movies of their careers, an extremely lifeless and predictable man hunt styled action flick where Jeff Speakman and his family are targeted by corrupt politician William Shatner due to Speakman’s knowledge of corruption and as you can imagine the film is just painful to sit through, a type of movie you don’t watch so much as you endure. Indeed Land Of The Free is such an annoyingly banal standard issue action flick that it fades into background noise. Even the promise of entertainment in the performance of Shatner is lost due to the fact that the film isn’t made with enough energy to be even lousy in a fun way. Land Of The Free is the worst type of movie a writer fears, the type that can kill one’s will to write. In fact this film is bad enough to kill one’s will to live. It should be noted that the action sequences are extremely boring and derivative and that Jeff Speakman doesn’t even do any martial arts. Land Of The Free is just a painful movie, I mean absolutely painful to endure, the movie just keeps going around in predictable circles and you just sit back wishing that someone would either put you or the film out of its misery. I don’t want to sound like I’m making it sound funny, this filmhurts to watch. It’s dreary, incompetent and made with the all the flair of a dying tapeworm. Indeed you don’t know what true freedom is, until you see the end credits.

Running Red (1999) *

Cast: Jeff Speakman, Angie Everhart, Stanley Kamel

Directed by Jerry P. Jacobs

Jeff Speakman stars as a Russian soldier who defected (Speakman thankfully doesn’t even attempt a Russian accent) only to be pulled back into the world of espionage when people of his past threaten him and his wife (Everhart) in a mindless and mundane conspiracy flavored action flick. The action sequences are actually few and far between, in that you only have the big fight sequence at the end and in the beginning and everything else is just filler for dreary nothingness this film calls a story. The climax rips off the action sequence from Red Heat in that it takes the actual footage and uses it, but aside from the humor of seeing the filmmakers fail in their attempt to cover their tracks, Running Red is the anti-thesis of entertainment. Indeed you wonder when you see a movie this dreary, in that you can tell it failed to interest the two lead actors as well as how much the movie is bored with itself, you wonder why they even bothered committing this to celluloid. Indeed Running Red on all levels has been done before and almost always better. Without any real action or indeed any attempt to make the film interesting fans of Jeff Speakman can only be disappointed with this dud, while others will be bored to tears.

Gary Daniels/PM collaborations

2010-03-08T21:53:00.000-08:00

Firepower (1993) * 1/2

Cast:Chad McQueen, Gary Daniels, The Ultimate Warrior (Jim Hellwig), Alisha Das

Directed by Richard Pepin

Gary Daniels plays second fiddle to Chad McQueen, in a futuristic hellhole in which two cops go to a lawless part of the U.S and compete in to the death cage matches, there is also some nonsense about a fake AIDs vaccine and so forth but it’s all a bunch of gibberish. The fight sequences are sometimes enjoyable and The Ultimate Warrior makes for a great villain but aside from that Firepower is a disappointment. Despite the laborious set up of a wasteland future the movie doesn’t take advantage of its futuristic premise (probably out of budget restrictions) and the film is so half hearted and underwritten that McQueen’s family is completely forgotten about until the final reel which provides convenient vengeance motivation and a way to have McQueen get the new love interest. Firepower is very sloppily made, once again the story is utterly nonsensical as you wonder how the bad guys would make much profit of a false vaccine and why the cops would care enough to stop the bad guys. Firepower isn’t then written to be science fiction but rather as a kung fu flick which is jampacked full fight sequences and gladiator fights and in this regard Firepower is even more disappointing because the fight sequences while adequate are completely unexciting. The climax in particular is a letdown as Daniels is far more polished than McQueen and therefore the big fight between the Ultimate Warrior and Daniels is more exciting than the fight sequence between McQueen/Ultimate Warrior showdown despite the vengeance angle. Indeed only some unexpected gore and an admittedly cool decapitation sequence keeps this one from being a total waste. Indeed a far better title for dud would’ve been backfire.

Deadly Target (1994) * 1/2

Cast:Gary Daniels, Ken McLeod, Byron Mann

Directed by Charla Driver

Sort of semi-remake of Showdown In Little Tokyo in concept, in which a Caucasian cop from Hong Kong comes to the U.S to battle triads and avenge his brother while teaming up with a Eurasian partner (McLeod who looks uncannily like Brandon Lee) and in the mean time falls in love with an Asian casino worker. Showdown In Little Tokyo was a pretty stupid movie with some good action but a film that felt incredibly disappointing due to the talent involved. Deadly Target is even worse as the bad guys lack any menace, the heroes are even more invincible and the love angle is horrendously dull. (At least Showdown didn’t waste time with subplots.) What makes matters even worse is that the film doesn’t even work as guilty pleasure kung fu, because these fight sequences are poorly staged and are derivative of better movies. For instance I counted numerous steals from American Ninja, Double Impact, Tango And Cash and numerous others. Indeed the only entertainment in this brain-dead martial arts time waster is picking out what movie it’s ripping off. Deadly Target then is as uninspired as its title and unless you’re a serious Gary Daniels or PM fan, one would do well to steer clear of this dud.

Epicenter (2000) * * *

Cast: Gary Daniels, Traci Lords, Jeff Fahey

Directed by Richard Pepin

Daniels and Lords face natural disasters as well as a slew of Russian mobsters trying to wipe them both out, as Daniels knows a code for some type of stealth bombers that he sells for 15 million dollars and Lords knows this and changes a code to keep him from getting access to his account, along the way Daniels and Lords have to save her daughter who is wandering around the earthquake devastated L.A with the bad guys in hot pursuit. Epicenter doesn’t really work as an action flick, indeed there is stock footage used (though disguised fairly well) but for some reason where as stock footage tends to bother me, I didn’t care this time. In fact the film works in spite of itself. There is a lot of energy and while Daniels and Lords are pretty terrible (as is the story) this works as a campy disaster flick. Indeed you pretty much know what you’re getting and the film is about what you would expect. The film is still fairly entertaining in a brain dead kind of way, I don’t know it’s hard to review a movie like this, especially one of such little quality but the movie is so entertaining for the wrong reasons. Indeed take the casting of Gary Daniels playing a computer expert, also take the ineptitude of how Daniels doesn’t even do any martial arts. Yet the film looks pretty good, in fact I wasn’t bored and for low budget disaster schlock Epicenter hits the same right notes that those 70s disaster flicks camp classics hit and for those with low expectations, one can find a lot to enjoy here.

Retrograde (2004) *

Cast:Dolph Lundgren, Gary Daniels, Silvia De Santis

Directed by Christopher Kulikowski

Dolph Lundgren stars as a soldier from the future who goes back in time to contain a plague that will destroy mankind in the future, in the mean time he has to find such virus, explain to scientists what it is and defend it against bad guys from the future wanting to keep the future the way it is? Retrograde is easily one of the dullest films Dolph Lundgren has ever made. The production values are low (though the film is somewhat well photographed) the action sequences are lame, Dolph Lundgren and Gary Daniels seem bored and the film is utterly lifeless. Indeed to express how disappointing this movie is, note how Dolph Lundgren and Gary Daniels don’t even fight each other in this movie, even worse is that Daniels doesn’t have but one fight sequence and Dolph only has maybe 3 or 4. These fight sequences couldn’t be more flatly choreographed as Lundgren stands and shoots at things with stuntmen occasionally pretending to get hit and fall a couple feet in length. What is all the more disappointing is that this is produced by Joesph Merhi the guy behind all the PM movies including such greats as The Sweeper, Last Man Standing and Rage three films that worked because everyone involved wanted to make it good. However Retrograde is a disaster by comparison, indeed Dolph Lundgren cannot hide his contempt for the film and Daniels meanwhile barely has much of a character. Retrograde is a truly abominable action flick in that it combined the efforts of PM producer Joseph Merhi, Dolph Lundgren and Gary Daniels and yet all they could come up with, was this embarrassment.

PM/Lorenzo Lamas Collaborations

2010-03-08T20:43:00.000-08:00

C.I.A:Code Name Alexia (1992) *1/2

Cast: Lorenzo Lamas, Kathleen Kinmont, O.J Simpson ,Alex Cord

Directed by Joseph Merhi

CIA agent Lorenzo Lamas captures and reprograms mercenary Alexia (Kinmont) to help him take down a gang of terrorists after some type of microchip, along helping our hero is cop O.J Simpson (before the trial of the decade) and to ensure Kinmont’s resolve, Lamas and Co kidnap Kinmont’s daughter what takes place is the usual James Bond rip off but on a much lower level. CIA was somewhat popular due to the O.J Simpson trial and while this ensured that this mindless and dreary action flick flew off the shelves, it wasn’t worth the while. O.J Simpson is easily the best actor here which is pretty sad but despite the negativity towards Simpson, he was merely a lame actor as opposed to sheer awfulness which describes Lamas and Kinmont’s acting here. What is most bizarre is that at the time of this movie, Lamas and Kinmont were married and yet they had no chemistry. CIA is a very slow and unexciting spy movie, indeed it lacks the type of intrigue that one must need to make such a movie work. A final observation is the direction of Merhi, while Merhi crafted three of the very best straight to video action flicks of the 90s (Rage, Last Man Standing and The Sweeper) when it comes to a spy film he seems lost and doesn’t know how to put together a coherent plot with character development. It doesn’t help Lamas and Kinmont are extremely dull actors, but without the plot or indeed the scope for action the film just dwindles when it should crackle. However I don’t fault Merhi for the failure of CIA, because you can see in his directing that he has an eye for action and that he’s just the wrong man for the job. Indeed the spy film is hard to pull off and although Merhi gives it all, the main problem is that his characters are uninteresting and the action is too infrequent. I also think that had two better actors had been chosen, the gray area of Lamas’ character might’ve added some much needed to depth, but Lamas is just not the right guy for such a job. All in all CIA is an extremely weak rip off of James Bond movies and reserved only for die hard Lamas/Kinmont/Simpson fans. Merhi thankfully rebounded with Rage which far exceeds this dud.

C.I.A II: Target Alexia (1994) *1/2

Cast: Lorenzo Lamas, Kathleen Kinmont, John Savage

Directed by Lorenzo Lamas

The same mixture as before although this time at least John Savage is there to make this not quite as boring as the original. Once again terrorists threaten our country and Lamas and Kinmont go into action to fight against Savage who is also Kinmont’s former lover, like the first film it is dreary, unimaginative and dull but John Savage at least provides some relief from the film’s interminable tedium. John Savage is a genuinely good actor who for some reason never had a career he should’ve had in Hollywood, indeed he deserves better than being ridiculous villains in Lorenzo Lamas movies. However the enigma one ponders given the look of legit parts in various big projects, if Savage is not unlike his Deer Hunter co-star Christopher Walken, in that he just likes to work no matter the quality, it has to be because I can’t imagine what would lead an actor of Savage’s status to think this and Red Scorpion 2 are worthwhile of his talents. Savage as you can guess is the film’s only redeeming quality as his presence blows Lamas and Kinmont out of the water. Indeed even in roles where Savage’s heart isn’t in it, he’s better than Lamas on his best day. As for CIA II, Lamas’ directing is somewhat competent but he has no idea on how to film interesting scenes of dialogue nor does he know how to make the action more than just semi-competent. CIA II is pretty poor stuff all around but if you really like Lorenzo Lamas, John Savage and Kathleen Kinmont there maybe something for you here, but I assure this won’t be the highlight of their careers.

Final Impact (1992) *1/2

Cast:Lorenzo Lamas, Kathleen Kinmont, Mike Worth, Jeff Langton

Directed by Joseph Merhi, Stephen Smoke

Lorenzo Lamas goes the Mr. Myiagi route in an attempt to avenge his brutal defeat at the hands of viscous kickboxer Langton in a dull rip off of Kickboxer 2 and Best Of The Best. Indeed it is in that formula in which a mentor trains a kickboxer to avenge his niece, of course where as Sasha Mitchell is a decent enough actor with charisma, Lorenzo Lamas is just grimy looking and unappealing. Actually of the two films Kickboxer 2 is by far your better bet, mainly because this film screws up the premise and makes a complete boring mishmash of clichéd training montages and dull fight sequences. Actually Lorenzo Lamas only has one fight sequence as he plays the mentor to Mike Worth, and Lamas’ character is so unlikable that he loses his fight and dies before he can see his student kick ass in the ring. Indeed the biggest problem I had with Final Impact is the same problem I had with American Kickboxer 1 (which was actually better) in that the hero was unlikable, the film spent too much time on the uninspired subplots (such as Lamas’ jealousy over Kinmont and Worth) and the overall fact that the film isn’t sure if it’s about Lamas’ version of The Karate Kid or if it’s his version of Kickboxer 2, whatever the case the overall final product doesn’t work and the film doesn’t have enough action in the fight arena. Even more disappointing is that these action sequences are tremendously unexciting.

2010-03-08T19:51:00.000-08:00

Hologram Man (1995) *

Cast: Joe Lara, Evan Lurie, Michael Nouri, John Amos, William Sanderson, Arabella Holzbog, Tommy “Tiny” Lister

Directed by Richard Pepin

Unintentionally hilarious premise is brought to life in one of the dumbest movies ever made. The film kicks off in a totalitarian government (of course) ruled by corporations and such rebellion has taken root as a gang of terrorists led by Evan Lurie battle for what are in fact legit freedoms that are in no way criminal. Anyway in the process Lurie is captured and turned into a computer hologram, but when up for parole he escapes in Hologram form wrecking havoc on the city and now Joe Lara has to stop him. Hologram Man is completely ridiculous, indeed the form Lurie takes isn’t a hologram so much as a virtual reality program (actually he’s not that either but that’s the closest explanation) As fellow critic Moria pointed out all a hologram is, is a 3D image projection. However that didn’t bother me, what did was just how badly made, boringly paced and ineptly scripted Hologram Man was. The biggest flaw is that Richard Pepin is a boringly static director, where as Joseph Merhi films the action with a creative burst of energy that is often times spectacular, Pepin films cheap shootouts in which people just stand around and fire at one another, and no spin or anything is put on the variation to make such exciting. What is even worse is that Joe Lara is a painfully dull hero who rips off Lorenzo Lamas and his attempt at acting like he is questioning his would-be change in morality is truly laughable. Evan Lurie and Michael Nouri are okay I guess but this film is absurd, the action unexciting and the movie completely boring. Indeed the worst part of it all is that the hologram is apparently so invincible but Joe Lara doesn’t let the terrorists convert Lurie’s hologram form into his body, which is ridiculous since then he would be less powerful. Of course logic and common sense is wasted on thinking about such utterly mindless junk. Indeed this film seeks to want to have our hero (and us the audience) question the intentions of the good guys but such ideas fail to take hold when the film revolves around 3D photo slides fighting it out for the fate of the world. Silly, moronic and unexciting, Hologram Man is a complete dud and one of the very worst from PM.

2010-03-08T18:54:00.001-08:00

Out For Blood (1993) * * *

Cast: Don “The Dragon” Wilson, Shari Shattuck,Michael Delano, Ken McLeod, Aki Aleong, Todd Curtis

PM continues the winning formula in one of The Dragon’s better action entries in which Don is cast as a lawyer who takes to the night as “Karate Man” a vigilante who beats up on drug dealers and embarrasses the local police by single handedly stopping the drug flow, however after awhile the bad guys and police start targeting the Karate Man and now The Dragon doesn’t know who to trust especially when his new love interest seems to be in with the drug lords. Out For Blood is a fairly entertaining variation on Death Wish, of course a nice touch is that said vigilante is also a lawyer , another one is the fact that the vengeance is done in kung fu style, so that while the shoot outs are well staged the best thing about this film is actual one on one fight sequences which are plentiful and expertly choreographed. Indeed this film doesn’t have that many car chases (which is PM’s calling card) but it should be noted that the Jet climax as well as the final one on one between McLeod and The Dragon in legitimately exciting. Indeed Out For Blood is another winner from PM and the only flaw one can really think of is the needless padding between The Dragon and Shattuck, in a love angle which provides nothing to the story and tends to get in the way of the film’s momentum. It should also be noted that while this is one of The Dragon’s better film it also features one of his better performances. Overall Out For Blood can be seen as the early sign of what was to come in Rage, The Sweeper and Last Man Standing, as while this has some of the flaws of the dreary martial arts/action movies such as Deadly Bet, CIA and Final Impact, you can clearly see that PM started to establish their own particular style and in Out For Blood such style works fairly well.

2010-03-08T18:33:00.000-08:00

Recoil (1998) * * *

Cast:Gary Daniels, Gregory McKinney, Robin Curtis, Kelly McCarty

Directed by Art Camacho

Gary Daniels stars in a Death Wish inspired revenge film that finds Daniels marked for death by the mob (After accidently killing the mobster’s son) to retaliate the mobsters send their assassins and goons to put Daniels on ice, however when they succeed in killing Daniels’ family, Daniels seeks vengeance in the coldest way possible, while his ex-police partner (McKinney) tells him to do it by the book. Recoil is a better than average Gary Daniels movie (and a decent straight to video action flick) but it’s not quite on the level of Rage, The Sweeper and Last Man Standing. The biggest reason is the casting of Gary Daniels. While Gary Daniels has some natural screen presence and sharp martial artistry he is just too clean cut to really look like he could get revenge in the meanest way. A far better actor for this movie would’ve been Dolph Lundgren or Jeff Wincott, someone far grittier and while Recoil works as what it’s sold as, I found that the leading man was just too goody-goody to sell the concept. That aside the action sequences are well staged (although the motorcycle chase in the beginning needed to be edited down) and as usual PM puts in the usual kitchen sink approach at action but ultimately the film needed that emotional center that Howell and Wincott brought to their roles in The Sweeper and Last Man Standing. Also what I found somewhat strange was the lack of martial arts sequences, which you think would’ve been frequent due to the presence of Gary Daniels. Also of note is that the best performance is from McKinney who doesn’t get nearly enough screen time. Another plus is that the mobsters are also well played and indeed you connect with their revenge plight more so than Daniels, which I’m fairly sure is not the intention. However as sheer action Recoil works and while I do so with reservations, I still recommend it.

2010-03-08T18:18:00.000-08:00

Last Man Standing (1995)
* * *1/2

Cast: Jeff Wincott, Jillian McWhirter, Jonathan Banks, Jonathan Fuller

Directed by Joseph Merhi

Jeff Wincott stars as a gritty killing machine cop (Indeed you can bet that all heroes in PM movies are in fact killing machines) who looks for vengeance on the mobsters that killed his partner, of course what he finds is a ring of crooked cops and in doing so, he is framed and marked for death, with his wife in tow, Wincott decides not to take this lying down and in his one man crusade of vengeance he obliterates the bad guys by the hundreds. That actually isn’t an estimate as Jeff Wincott goes on such a rampage that he racks up a body count bigger than Charles Bronson in Death Wish 3 and 4 combined. Once again this PM movie is what you would expect, nothing but a static pretext to set up a body count but what sets this one apart from others is Wincott’s charisma. Indeed he can easily play a movie cop because his grizzled face and mean demeanor often effortlessly conveys the rage and sociopathic tendencies that make his character a straight up anti-hero. Complimenting him nicely is McWhirter who comes off as somewhat strong willed but also with a sense of humor that keeps Wincott’s character from imploding. However while character development is superior to most action flicks, let’s not kid ourselves, in that the selling point is the action sequences. Of all the PM movies, Last Man Standing in my opinion has the best action sequences. The hotel sequence that opens the film is thrilling as is the climax and also utilizing Wincott’s martial artistry is another plus. The shootouts almost rival John Woo (almost but not quite) while the fight sequences are truly impressive as you can tell a lot of stuntmen got hurt bringing this movie to life. As usual the car chases are also well staged and very suspenseful and the creativity such as the motorcycle stunt diving into an armored car and then holding on to the chain while firing the gun is thrilling stuff. In other words this is one of the best straight to video action flicks ever made and PM in many ways deserves to be spoken in the same breath as the Shaw Brothers, because few movie companies could make lower budgeted action flicks far better than bigger budgeted movies of the time. Indeed this Last Man Standing blows the dull Bruce Willis film of the same name out of the water. This is also Jeff Wincott’s best movie to date and Martial Law 2, Martial Outlaw and Killing Man were no slouches either. Overall though you can tell those who made Last Man Standing had fun making it, that the actors enjoyed showing up to do the action chores and that everyone was taking it to the limit and that special care to make this movie one of the best of its kind, ultimately pays off.

2010-03-08T17:47:00.000-08:00

The Sweeper(1996)
* * *1/2

Cast: C.Thomas Howell, Jeff Fahey, Ed Lauter, Janet Gunn

Directed by Joseph Merhi

Howell stars as a hot shot killing machine cop who has just wiped out the ninth suspect in his attempt to arrest, however such makes him eligible to join Justice Incorporated, a vigilante task force that wipes out bad guys that fall through the cracks, however when said gang might be responsible for Howell’s tragic past (His family was wiped out by anonymous gun runners) Howell turns his guns on his employers in a most satisfying and exciting action flick. The Sweeper is also among the best straight to video action flicks ever made. I think what makes the PM movies so much fun, is that they take a fairly unoriginal premise (in this case The Star Chamber is the movie being ripped off) and they punctuate said story with so much action that you never think that you might’ve seen it all before. Also what PM movies tend to do is put new novel touches on action sequences in that while one can see numerous exciting car chases, one can see their signature style yet kitchen sink attempt to provide a viewer with action that they've not seen, at least not quite like this. Indeed the climax in particular has Howell doing battle with bad guys while holding on to the wing of an Air Plane, or a car chase that involves picking up bottles of propane spilling out everywhere to which numerous fireballs are ignited. Some would argue that these films are merely mindless and trading in only on special effects on action but I believe that is what the point of action is. However what makes The Sweeper even better than the usual product is C. Thomas Howell’s charisma who is clearly having fun in his role but also manages the more sensitive scenes such as his interaction with his wife that give his character an interesting edge. Indeed he plays it enough to be tongue in cheek but yet actually creates a strong character that is likable and easy to root for. Also balancing him out is the always great Ed Lauter who plays a character not unlike his character in Death Wish 3. The Sweeper then is not the type of movie that will be studied by film classes for decades to come, but for the action fan, The Sweeper is a diamond in the rough.

2010-03-08T17:29:00.000-08:00

Riot (1996) * *1/2

Cast: Gary Daniels, Sugar Ray Leonard, Patrick Kilpatrick, Charles Napier, Paige Rowland

Directed by Joseph Merhi

English killing machine Gary Daniels joins forces with Sugar Ray Leonard to do battle with I.R.A terrorists who have triggered an American riot to kidnap the daughter (Rowland) of an English ambassador (or something) In which Daniels doesn’t need much of an excuse to get involved as said hostage is also his girlfriend. Riot starts out with a great premise that it then completely louses up, in that Riot didn’t need IRA terrorists, because as far as schlock premises go, this film would’ve been much more fun as a straight ahead rip off of Escape From New York than as a mediocre rethread of Delta Force. Indeed the first 20 minutes or so Riot holds much promise and is a lot of fun but then the IRA get involved and the schlock charm is traded in for clichéd monologues about the cause, while Daniels and Rowland dodge random thugs while running away from Kilpatrick and his IRA goons. I think the gang members as well as the chaos that goes down during a riot is a far more interesting set of backdrop then the overused IRA but what's even more disappointing is that Riot doesn't even know how to use the IRA terrorists. Indeed it turns out the riot is started by the IRA in a plot to ransom the English ambassador and yet they don't even really have a plan and their ability to cause a riot stretches credibility, but what kills Riot is that it is so disappointingly routine. The movie does have some good action sequences but because the villains are so one-note and Daniels so invincible it never comes off as exciting as it should and I for one found this predictable and bland. Indeed they squandered a great premise all for mediocre results.

2010-03-08T16:40:00.000-08:00

Rage (1995)
* * *1/2

Cast: Gary Daniels, Kenneth Tigar, Jillian McWhirter, Peter Jason, Mark Metcalf

Directed by Joseph Merhi

PM movies made some of the best straight to video action flicks in the 1990s, and this is probably their best effort and when you see the movie you’ll know why I gave this such a high rating. The film opens with Daniels as a elementary school teacher who lectures his class that cannibalism is not normal after a grade school tyke tells the class that people do eat each other in real life, naming Jeffrey Dahmer, it is a good moment because Daniels actually sells it as a teacher. It is a cute moment and showcases the type of humor that coincides with the level of high stakes action. Indeed the reason I find Rage to be so much fun is that Joseph Merhi directs the action for maximum excitement but he also makes the fight sequences also suspenseful. Indeed the sequence where Daniels is hanging off a building is extremely suspenseful and it’s only a shame that such didn’t happen towards the ending as the action while suspenseful and action packed fails to match the suspense level. Gary Daniels isn’t known for quality projects as he’s always reminded me of a Dolph Lundgren clone, but here he’s more at home playing an everyday type and given his looks, somewhat slender frame and softer voice he makes for quite a convincing everyday man that wakes up to find government goons injecting him with serums and then running away from the bad guys and trading blows. It’s a very well made movie and the action sequences are so good they make up for any of the problems the underwritten script and clichéd cloak and dagger conspiracy angles that make up the plot line. Indeed it’s all about action and Rage delivers what it promises and in a way that far exceeds expectations. Indeed it makes one wonder how Michael Bay can’t accomplish the same despite having more of a budget at his disposal. Rage is one of the best straight to video action movies ever made and it deserves to have a bigger cult following.

Highlander (The Series)

2010-03-08T15:34:00.000-08:00

Highlander (1986)
* * *1/2

Cast: Christopher Lambert, Sean Connery, Roxanne Hart, Clancy Brown, Beatie Edney

Directed by Russell Mulcahy

Lambert stars as a mild mannered New Yorker (from Scotland, though his French accent would indicate otherwise) who harbors a secret, in which he has been alive for the last 500 or so years and that the time of the gathering has come in which immortals of his ilk battle in a immortal combat in which an immortal can only be killed by decapitation and the prize for winning such immortal combat is the knowledge of everything including the ability to read minds as well as the ability to live a normal life and have children. Highlander leaves a lot unexplained, in particular is what makes an immortal, why they are compelled to fight each other throughout the years and why decapitation is the only way to put an immortal on ice. However Highlander works out of sheer momentum. Highlander has excellent pacing, great action sequences, a great Queen soundtrack and a lot of fun training montages with great chemistry between Lambert and Connery. Indeed Highlander has such a wonderful look, an intriguing idea (no matter how unexplained) and energy to spare. Highlander then is a (cult) classic because it is such a bizarre movie made with so much flair. Also it must be noted are the performances of Lambert, Connery and Brown. Indeed Lambert while not a great actor, does have lots of charisma which helps the story out (you really can’t ask for a better cynical hero) while Brown provides appropriate menace to what could’ve easily been the most ridiculous bad guy, indeed with his Mad Max-like presence Brown gives the evil immortal a larger than life feel that overall keeps the momentum going. However the best performance of all is from Connery who makes a great mentor, and holds his own fairly well in the action sequences. Indeed without Connery the film would’ve probably been a failure (an interesting failure but still a failure) but because the training montage works, the action sequences are so great and so much feels at stake Highlander succeeds. Indeed you take away the sword and sorcery and you have the blue print Shaw Brothers kung fu movie, as the formula is the same but this in my opinion is a good thing. Another plus is Mulcahy’s style and scope which makes the action memorable and well worth seeing. However like all good things, Hollywood made sequels and all of them have been failures, indeed it was ironic how the catchphrase “There can be only one” became true of this series, as this is the only one worth seeing.

Highlander 2: Renegade Version (1991) * *

Cast: Christopher Lambert, Sean Connery, Virginia Madsen, Michael Ironside, John C. McGinley

Directed by Russell Mulcahy

Highlander 2 the renegade version is probably the best sequel of the bunch (Not saying much) but it’s still a highly disappointing movie. Indeed while Mulcahy tries hard to patch up what went wrong, he doesn’t succeed because it’s blatantly obvious that any back story doesn’t work as it contradicts the whole ending of part 1. Continuity is of course not this series’ strength and while Highlander 2: Renegade somewhat salvages what was wrong with the Quickening, the main problem is that the film is wholly unnecessary. That said there is some merit that can be found, for one the look of the film is fantastic. The sword fights are well choreographed and once again Lambert and Connery work well (even if Connery is playing it by the numbers) Also Madsen is hot and the best love interest in the series. Indeed the one thing that gets Renegade into passable territory is in fact the depth between Lambert and Madsen that provides some genuine warmth to a movie that feels artificial. Which is precisely the problem, the future looks cool, the special effects are decent and the fight sequences are well put together but where as I was engrossed in Lambert’s plight in the first, with this one I could care less. Things aren’t helped by Michael Ironside, a typically great actor who overdoes it. Indeed had Ironside played it in a stoic and mean spirited way (which is the type of villain Ironside excels at) you might have had some stakes being played, unfortunately he becomes unbearable in his hammy antics. The train massacre in particular is just plain silly. The film also fails to give a credible reason on why Connery is able to come back but once again the movie would’ve been worse without Connery so I appreciate them doing so, although one figures they could’ve used him in flashback mode or something. Regardless of the patch up Mulcahy still has turned a terrible movie into mediocrity. I think what really worked against this franchise is that the first one didn't leave itself open for a sequel, so any attempt at such is going to come off as uninspired and forced. There is also some nonsense about a shield and a corporation but once again it’s in the background for the immortal combat and it doesn’t gel. Indeed Highlander 2 in general just doesn’t gel.

Highlander 3:The Final Dimension (1994) *

Cast: Christopher Lambert, Mario Van Peebles, Deborah Kara Unger, Mako

Directed by Andy Morahan

So, it turns out that there was one immortal left who has been in suspended animation who battles Lambert in a (deadly dull) fight to be the best. This time Lambert has an adopted son, who is put in peril and Van Peebles can morph as he is a sorcerer and despite some interesting ideas the film is too cheaply made and boring to work. Actually Highlander 3 might’ve worked had Russell Mulcahy directed it, as his scope and visceral directing would’ve been energetic enough to make the concept work. Once again it might’ve worked. However in the hands of the dull Morahan such just doesn’t. Highlander 3 is made with complete indifference. The swordfights are okay but lack the spark from the first and once again we could care less who wins because we don’t care enough about the plot to care. It’s bizarre in that this sequel is the only one in the Highlander canon that makes sense, as it does in fact work in continuity but unfortunately the film just doesn’t have the right director for the job. Indeed the biggest flaw is just how cheap the movie looks and how badly paced this film is. Meanwhile Lambert looks utterly bored with the material, while Van Peebles is laughable in his attempt at creating swaggering menace. Highlander 3 is a very boring movie and that ultimately is its biggest crime.

Highlander: Endgame (2000) * *

Cast: Christopher Lambert, Adrian Paul, Bruce Payne, Donnie Yen, Edge, Lisa Barbuscia, Beatie Edney, Jim Byrnes

Directed by Douglas Aarnikoski

Another sequel that (surprise, surprise) contradicts everything that came before it. The story though this time is different than usual as Lambert and Paul figure which one of them needs to die in order for them to have enough quickenings (I guess this would be points, which are now tracked on computer) to stand a chance against a cheating immortal (Payne) who has the most and ergo is systematically torturing Lambert by killing his loved ones. Actually Highlander Endgame sort of works, indeed I was sort of into the movie and into Lambert’s plight. Payne is the best villain since The Kurgan, there is a sense of revenge that fuels the movie and likewise the film sets up everything to formula but in a consistent and watchable way. Then the film carries on with Adrian Paul killing of Lambert to take on Payne and right there it became dull, as Paul and Payne aren’t set up as the enemies, a far better film would’ve had Lambert decapitating Paul and then getting vengeance and it all would’ve worked as a prequel. Of course by doing it this way, the film became contradictory to the first and ergo it doesn't work. The fight sequences are actually better than usual, Lambert does surprisingly well in mentoring Paul in the flashbacks and of course Lambert sells the grizzled burned out hero, Paul though is terrible (as expected) and it just loses momentum by having him the focus of the story. Payne is once again a good villain, as is Donnie Yen but the film just doesn’t work due to the stupidity of killing Lambert off. I know Paul was the heir to the series for future sequels, but he was obviously no spring chicken and at this point did anyone really want another sequel and if you were to make a sequel you could always make it predate Endgame. The film is pretty much what you would expect from such a series sequel and this time there is a surreal energy to it all but it’s just another needless sequel made by filmmakers who should’ve left well enough alone, or at the very least showed consistency.

Highlander: The Source (2007) ½*

Cast: Adrian Paul, Jim Byrnes, Christian Solimento, Thekla Reuten

Directed by Brett Leonard

Highlander :The Source is hands down one of the most incompetently made movies ever made, indeed it is but one of the worst movies ever made as well but overall this disastrous outing isn’t just a disgrace to the first but also to even The Quickening version, which is pretty sad. The film this time deals around immortals finding the one responsible for immortal combat which is “The Guardian” the gate keeper or something. The film doesn’t make any sense which I pretty much expected but what I wasn’t expecting is just how badly made and completely inept this film is. Where as the others in this uninspired series (the first aside) at least had some surreal moments of ambitious energy as well as usually watchable fight sequences, this film has lame choreography that wouldn’t pass muster in an Ator movie. The film of course is all witless gibberish that never builds any momentum (especially since it makes so little sense) while the villain in question overacts in such a matter that he makes Ironside and Van Peebles seem like Clancy Brown from the first. Indeed the biggest problem is the character of The Guardian because he can move around fast and stuff and yet he remains easily the weakest and stupidest villain. There are some numerous sequences that set up pointless exposition to set up a would-be threat but the film is so indifferent to the would-be battles and even more inept at simple mise-en-scene in that the movie is just ugly to look at and embarrassing to watch. The Source as it is, is completely lifeless and dull so it’s not even funny to mock. It’s just chintzy, lazy and unwatchable. Paul who is half the actor Lambert was (and Lambert was no De Niro) seems disinterested as if his heart isn’t in it, and he gives a performance that expresses the contempt he has for this movie , though I doubt it’s as much contempt as I have for The Source. This movie is just horrible. I don't want to stress just how incompetent this garbage is, but also how boring it is, in that it is pure torture to sit through and even fans of this series (if any are left) will be disgusted at how horrid this movie is.

Universal Soldier (The Series)

2010-03-08T13:24:00.000-08:00

Universal Soldier (1992) * * *

Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, Ally Walker, Ed O’Ross, Jerry Orbach

Directed by Roland Emmerich

Roland Emmerich makes his American debut which is still his best movie years later. The movie rips off The Terminator along with Robocop, but Universal Soldier works in the same light that the Bloodsports, Kickboxers and Punishers worked in. Mainly in the action element and the fact that it works solely because it just gives us one big fight sequence between Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren. The story revolving around reanimated soldiers killed in Vietnam is an afterthought, as we aren’t sure if Van Damme and Lundgren are zombies or androids, and the action sequences are quite spectacular and really that’s why anyone goes to these movies. So while Universal Soldier can’t over cover come its B.movie campiness and exploitive carnage, Universal Soldier wears its B.movie badge with honor which is a good thing while Emmerich maintains a level of agreeable energy throughout, mainly in concentrating more on the one on one fight between the stars. Indeed it’s hard to go wrong when the rain soaked finale finds Lundgren and Van Damme throwing each other through walls and using a wood chipper to settle the matter.

Universal Soldier: The Return (1999) *

Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Michael Jai White, Bill Goldberg, Kiana Tom,Xander Berekely

Directed by Mic Rodgers

Jean-Claude Van Damme returns as Luc now apparently converted back to human (which isn’t even paid lip service to) fights a new army of Universal Soldiers led by Michael Jai White and Bill Goldberg after the computer that monitors them finds out about the U.N’s plan to cut the program. This largely pointless sequel fails miserably because the B.movie zip and zany camp that made the original so fun, is instead replaced by merely mindless action with horrendous metal played over the fighting. Meanwhile this attempt on Van Damme’s part to save his career comes up short mainly because this flaccid endeavor is so obviously a cash-grab. Even worse the fact The Return is directed with no style, energy or even aptitude. The action here in particular while frequent, is badly staged, shoddily directed and utterly lame in scope. In other words you’re better off watching the original.

Universal Soldier: Regeneration (2009) * * *

Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, Andrei “The Pit-bull” Arlovski

Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren return in this belated but moderately enjoyable sequel that finds Van Damme being brought back into the Universal Soldier program to prevent a nuclear meltdown that terrorists are planning to unleash, and are armed with new generation Universal Soldiers(Called NGU) , the terrorists also have kidnapped the children of the Russian president and so for reasons unknown the American government (well actually Van Damme is in Switzerland) brings Van Damme back to which he breaches the stranglehold to battle not only the NGU resident bad ass (Arlovski) but a cloned version of his old enemy from U.S 1 (Lundgren) The biggest problem here is that the plot often gets in the way of the action and the documentary approach while visually interesting isn't always feasible with a story surrounding super zombie soldiers that bash each other through walls. Regeneration does in fact work in a low expectations way, in particular the fight sequences in the climax are in very well choreographed and exciting. Indeed the best fight is between Van Damme and Lundgren, which is disappointing since it comes before the Van Damme/Arlovski showdown. It should be noted that Arlovski works fairly well as the emotionless bad guy, but the problem with the film is that it doesn’t have a larger than life villain. In particular Lundgren is in his Rocky IV mode (which is effective) but with nobody behind him the stakes aren’t raised as much as they could’ve been. Meanwhile Van Damme handles some good scenes of dealing with Post-Traumatic Stress, as well as wrestling with his burnout but overall the film’s biggest problem is that the lack of a truly great villain (Lundgren isn't there until the final half and Arlovski is under the employ of someone). Indeed the terrorists are wiped out by Lundgren, and Lundgren kills off the bad guy scientist too quickly, as the scientist is appropriately smarmy, in other words we lose what could’ve been a great threat. That said I still recommend watching Regeneration, the action is intense, the movie’s directing while not always workable with the material is interesting and overall while I would’ve liked more done with the premise, Regeneration delivers on what it promises, mainly lots of mindless action and a big final fight showdown between three great martial artists. It’s not as good as the first movie, but it still surpasses all the sequels and really it's a lot better than it any right to be.

Asylum Action fest-Da Vinci Treasure/War Of The Worlds/I Am Omega/Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus

2010-01-18T19:08:00.000-08:00

The Da Vinci Treasure (2006) * *

Cast: C. Thomas Howell, Lance Henriksen, Nicole Sherwin

Directed by Peter Mervis

Laughable rip off of National Treasure has Howell as a wimpy adventurer who battles Lance Henriksen to get to a treasure for reasons that don’t make sense and don’t measure up to much in terms of credibility. Oh boy what do I say about this one, this is what we call one of the so bad their hilarious movies that you pretty much expect when you see the title that Asylum puts out on a frequent basis. This is the second collaboration between Asylum and C. Thomas Howell and unlike War Of The Worlds (which was pretty decent) this one works only for camp fans, who will no doubt be laughing at what passes for archeology in this film, how awkward the ending is and the fact C. Thomas Howell is clearly slumming here. This movie was no doubt a favor so he could direct War Of The Worlds 2 (which I now have to see) As far as Asylum efforts go this is actually one of their better efforts as this one has competent production values as opposed to Snakes On A Train, Transmorphers or Dracula’s Curse. In other words this is a must see for camp fans who find themselves in need of something to laugh at in the middle of the night, unfortunately for those who expect action, adventure and whatever you will be sorely disappointed as this film offers zilch. However those who keep an open mind will be in stitches over the beginning sequence (that finds Howell trying to open a door while the guards are doing who knows what) to the utterly asinine finale which has Jesus’ cloth saving the day. Look this movie is awful but you should know what to expect and for fans of hilariously bad films, this one will no doubt be one to keep an eye on. Indeed I recommend you wait a couple years or so, because this thing will only get funnier in time.

War Of The Worlds (2005) * * *

Cast: C. Thomas Howell, Jake Busey, Peter Greene, Rhett Giles

Directed by David Michael Latt

In what is Asylum’s best effort to date, War of the Worlds finds C. Thomas Howell on a one man mission to find his family and survive an Alien takeover in which on his struggle to find his family starts to lose hope. The best moments are actually the smaller scenes in which C. Thomas Howell and Rhett Giles (as a priest with shaky faith) are forced to confront their hopeless situation. You wouldn’t expect such from an Asylum movie but sure enough this film builds a credible atmosphere and builds suspense. I was for the most part surprised at the quality acting as well as how sharp the production values were. Indeed I think this would’ve worked better as a stand-alone film than as a rip off of the Tom Cruise movie, but whatever the case I think those that rent this will be pleasantly surprised. War Of The Worlds then isn’t heavy on action and doesn’t perhaps explain how C. Thomas Howell is able to stop the aliens dead in their tracks with some type of virus, but given that C. Thomas Howell helped wage World War III in Red Dawn, who am I to question such? It’s hard to believe that this film works as well as it does but this is a gem and well worth seeing for B.movie fans. It’s too bad a movie like this is the exception and not the rule with Asylum films.

I Am Omega (2006) * *1/2

Cast:Mark Dacascos, Geoff Meed,Jennifer Lee Wiggins

Directed by Griff Furst

Dacascos figures in as the last kickboxer alive who blows up nests full of bad guy mutants in a future dump, only to find a woman (Wiggins) that needs to be rescued so those kickboxing skills will come in handy. I Am Omega is a rip off The Omega Man (which was remade as the Will Smith dud I Am Legend) and Night Of The Comet and although the film doesn’t succeed in scope as those two films but as braindead "kickboxer in a wasteland" films go, I Am Omega isn’t too bad. In fact Dacascos works extremely well in the role, showcasing the required moves as well as the burned out hero rather credibly. It’s no Drive, but this is certainly one of Dacascos’ better movies in quite some time. The part though that hurts I Am Omega is in fact the budget, while the apocalypse angle is credibly documented in scope, the zombie-make up effects are terrible. This is also the second teaming of Kickboxer 5 team Geoff Meed and Mark Dacascos and both far exceed the quality of thesping one gets from an Asylum flick, although in the case of Meed, just barely. Indeed the bad acting from everyone is what hurts this film the most because Dacascos' action presence alone sells the concept and ergo every time Dacascos isn’t kickboxing the film becomes slow. Also one of the things that disappointed me was that unlike say Night of the Comet, there is no novelty or any type of strategy to make the apocalypse humorous or for that matter atmospheric. In other words I Am Omega is one of Asylum’s better movies but still nothing special.

Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus (2009) *1/2

Cast: Deborah Gibson, Lorenzo Lamas

Debbie Gibson (Oh sorry, I mean Deborah) stars as a marine biologist (who cast this thing?) who discovers pre-historic shark and octopus that threaten mankind and of course Gibson comes up with a way to shake her love, no, just kidding to pit these two titans against each other. While Lorenzo Lamas plays a sleazy CIA agent (or something) that looks to thwart her mission so he can nuke them both or whatever such nonsense. Look it’s called Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus you know what you’re getting with such a title, although even on the camp levels this movie is a complete failure. For one there isn’t nearly enough shark vs octopus fighting going on, and it’s only a couple of unintentionally amusing sequences (like when the shark takes down a jet airliner or eats the golden gate bridge) that surface in a film that should’ve had much more goofiness going on. Deborah Gibson is ridiculous in the role but shockingly still a better thespian than Lorenzo Lamas, who is supposed to be some type of agent but comes off no different than his non-acting heroes in such awful duds as Final Impact, Bad Blood and CIA. This movie itself doesn’t deliver what it promises for fans of monster movies. Indeed at least King Kong Vs Godzilla had better fights, production values and better acting. Stick with a Godzilla movie and leave this dreck on the shelf, unless you really want to see Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas in a movie together. Let it be said though Gibson actually looks hotter now then she did in the 80s, and although she doesn’t take her clothes off, she does have one of the most hilariously stupid sex scenes in the history of film. Camp fans are better off checking out Komodo Vs Cobra which stars an embarrassed Michael Pare, and some of the most hilariously awful effects of all time or the Lorenzo Lamas/Steven Bauer turkey Raptor Island (Which is even worse than KVC). This one though (Starting with the title) just tries too hard to be camp and fails in an epic way.

Road House (the series)

2010-01-18T12:23:00.000-08:00

Road House (1989) * * *

Cast: Patrick Swayze, Ben Gazzara, Kelly Lynch, Sam Elliott, Marshall Teague

Now this is a classic in the Bad Action movie staples, up there with American Ninja, Rambo and Kickboxer. Indeed what makes this movie so hard to review is that I really have nothing to add to what everyone else has said about it. Indeed it’s pretty much one long fight sequence where a bouncer with a P.H.D in philosophy wages war against a wealthy tycoon who keeps the town in his iron grip. All you need to know is that this is Swayze’s best effort to date and certainly the most enjoyable movie of his career. Witnessing Swayze spit out lines like “Pain Don’t Hurt” or “Yer too stupid to have a good time!” and the ever hilarious “Be Nice” monologue is worth the price of admission alone. However what makes Road House so re-watchable is in fact its array of endless and senseless action to which bottles are broken over people’s heads, bad guys walk into the bar with blades on their shoes and of course did I mention that throughout Swayze is a kickboxing bouncer who also has a P.H.D in philosophy? Logic and common sense simply don’t apply here, and yet the film works almost too well. This is probably the closest one can get to a modern western without seeing it turn into a post apocalypse Mad Max rip off. Road House is in fact one of the best action flicks from the 80s and really how can you not love a film so shamelessly ridiculous? The action choreography as well as the villains are first rate which also adds to the fun factor, but in reality it’s Swayze that makes it all work, anyone else wouldn’t have been able to pull of such a character and do it in the western style.

Road House 2:Last Call (2006) *

Cast:Jonathan Schaech, Jake Busey, Ellen Hollman, Richard Norton, Will Patton

True, the first Road House was ridiculous, but also lots of fun with a western-like atmosphere that was so over the top one figures some of it had to be intentional, overall it was great because it was the prime definition of a fun B(ad) movie. Road House 2 on the other hand is just ridiculous. Starting with the fact that everything is a virtual replay of Road House 1, only without Swayze which pretty made the first one work so well. Everything in this movie is (very) sub-par in comparison to the original classic, whether it be the fight sequences, the acting and the overall atmosphere that lack the sleazy charm of # 1. The only positive thing I can say is that Schaech is decent (just not as good as Swayze), Patton and Norton have their moments and Hollman is easy on the eyes but overall this is an obvious cash grab at a cult classic that in order of even having a shot at working, needed Swayze. Even without the Road House name, the film is a failure in comparison to action movies on the shelf. In other words stick with the original.

Death Wish (The Series)

2009-12-10T18:33:00.000-08:00

Death Wish (1974) * * * *

Cast:Charles Bronson, Hope Lange, Vincent Gardenia, Jeff Goldbulm

Directed by Michael Winner

Fascinating effort still remains the greatest vigilante movie ever made, not because of the action element and dramatic moments, but also because of the black humor, Bronson’s excellent acting and the factor that Bronson isn’t really looking for those responsible for the murder of his family but just on the muggers in general. While the sequels are one man army bodycount action flicks, this one stands above them all as a true classic. Bronson is as expected, sharp and his presence overall sells the concept. However what makes Death Wish so special is in fact that Winner balances out the serious moments as well as the brutal vengeance with a sense of humor. For instance the sequence where the news interviews others inspired by Bronson’s vigilante actions are in fact genuinely funny. Another factor is the fascinating elements that Death Wish has. The movie sees vigilante justice as in fact the only way to deal with muggers and the crime rate, indeed no scene is stronger than when Bronson asks what kind of a person just lets people get away with such things, and of course the angle that finds the police sort of torn on the vigilante and his justice, as the news reports that mugging is down and Bronson’s antics made New York that much safer. Death Wish then represents a time capsule of the 70s, when movies like Dirty Harry and The French Connection gave the impression that what is needed is a death sentence for muggers. Also the action is well staged, indeed it’s impressive that while the subsequent entries got more violently graphic, this still remains the most suspenseful and overall has the most impact. Death Wish then is, rightfully so, a heavyweight in the genre.

Death Wish II (1982) *

Cast:Charles Bronson, Jill Ireland, Vincent Gardenia, Laurence Fishbourne, Thomas F. Duffy

Directed by Michael Winner

This pointless rehash has Bronson and Gardenia, and the same director but overall it completely lacks the elements that made Death Wish 1 so great. For one there is no sense of humor, the action is badly put together and the story is just the same as the first, with this time Bronson getting vengeance on those that attack his catatonic daughter and housekeeper. Actually the whole thing starts as the muggers grab his wallet, he chases them, catches one and beats him up, so then they come to his house for reasons fairly vague. What happens this time is so boring, as the film takes way too much time of Bronson stalking his prey, setting up his ruse to fool his girlfriend (Ireland) and then shooting his often unarmed enemies. Also I guess Bronson does get into a few fights and breaks up a drug deal but these scenes are boring and not at all that enjoyable. However what puts Death Wish II in ugly territory is the long and drawn out rape of Bronson’s maid and daughter, these sequences are fairly graphic (and edited one inch of its life) and it leaves the film feeling rather distasteful. What’s ultimately more surprising is that despite the graphic rape, we are still indifferent to Bronson’s call to arms. Death Wish II is a very weak movie, it remains one of the worst vigilante movies ever made (Only The Exterminator is worse) and it doesn’t work on any level. Death Wish II then is just an ugly, ungainly disaster of a film. Ultimately Death Wish II is one of Bronson’s very worst movies.

Death Wish 3 (1985) * * *

Cast:Charles Bronson, Martin Balsam, Gavan O’Herlihy, Ed Lauter, Deborah Raffin

Directed by Michael Winner

This time Bronson is hired by police captain Lauter to single handedly wipe out the gang bangers that have terrorized New York since the Vigilante’s departure, of course Bronson doesn’t need much convincing since the creeps murdered his old war buddy and so with vengeance in heart and 30 caliber machine gun in hand vengeance is served C-O-L-D. Death Wish 3 is one of the most guilty of guilty pleasures as it basically has hardly a vengeance angle, no attempt at even trying to be realistic and of course over the top violence that you ultimately cave in and enjoy the film as an action flick. Of course there’s no real plot, just Bronson shooting muggers, the muggers retaliating and then Bronson pushing back to a big orgy of gunfire that is the finale. Bronson of course seems more into it then he does in Death Wish II, and while Death Wish II collapsed into seriousness, Death Wish 3 seems to be almost a black comedy. One imagines that some of this is in fact intentional, especially since there are many sequences seen as comedy, mainly the housewife who shoves a mugger out of the house with a broom, and Bronson’s running joke of Wildey, a gun that is used to hunt elephant. Death Wish 3 is the type of vigilante movie that Cannon films (the producers of this) would use for their template of other ridiculous action flicks. However while Death Wish 3 is an excellent guilty pleasure, it is also a signature Bronson movie and is actually fairly well made as far as things go. The action is cut pretty well, the pacing is good and the film isn’t too badly acted, it’s just that this goes to the extreme so much, that you can’t take it seriously. While I can’t say Death Wish 3 is a bona-fide classic, I can say it’s a lot of fun to watch and no wonder it became a cult favorite. Death Wish 3 is probably the best movie Bronson made in the 80s and from a fan of his 80s work, this says a lot.

Death Wish 4:The Crackdown (1987) * *

Cast: Charles Bronson, Kay Lenz, John P. Ryan, Perry Lopez ,Dana Barron, George Dickerson, Soon-Tek Oh

Directed by J.Lee Thompson

Bronson’s back in L.A, this time dealing out vigilante justice to the drug lords responsible for the overdose of his girlfriend’s daughter at the hands of crack, Bronson is actually sponsored by a millionaire who provides him with the necessary ammo and explosives but there’s a double-cross and once again Bronson gets the old machine guns out from behind his fridge (Obviously the ones from Death Wish 3) What can I say about Death Wish 4, it’s ultimately even campier than the Death Wish 3, and while you could admire Winner’s intentional humor (as well as unintentional) and overall quality to the action, this time this is all across the board incompetently made. For instance the gunfight in the fish factory as well as the oil rig shoot out are in particular badly staged, mainly because Bronson just stands with a machine gun mowing down bad guys, indeed Bronson doesn’t even really break a sweat this time until the finale, where his girlfriend (Lenz) is taken hostage. Glass shatters before people are thrown into it, sounds of gunfire is heard before we see the fire on the end of the barrels and hilariously the climax takes place at a roller-skating rink where numerous laughs come just from watching people fall down and panic when the shooting commences. There’s also really, really bad acting from everyone (Even Bronson, Lenz and Ryan are bored with the movie) and this cheapjack sequel while very entertaining fails on pretty much all angles. Indeed this is one bad movie, I mean to explain how cheap the movie is, just know that the score steals the tracks from Invasion USA and 10 To Midnight. Both movies are much better than this, though Death Wish 4 is far funnier.

Death Wish V: The Face Of Death (1994) * * *

Cast:Charles Bronson, Lesley Anne-Down, Michael Parks, Robert Joy, Chuck Shamata

Directed by Allan A. Goldstein

The best sequel (in terms of quality and intentional results that is, though I still like 3 more) finds Bronson this time more in Jason Voorhies mode, as instead of using a machine gun, turns to cyanide sprinkled treats, C-4 laced soccer balls and acid pools to finish off mobsters who attack his finance and then kill her, Bronson keeps wrestling with the idea of going back to his old ways but when he sees the law fail again for the 5th time, Bronson becomes judge, jury and executioner, despite being 72 years old… Bronson as usual is effective in the role, in fact he seems very into the movie, as he personally taunts his prey before sending them plummeting to their deaths. The vengeance angle feels justified this time, as Parks makes an appropriately smarmy villain, in fact Parks gives a great performance one that makes Death Wish 5 more fun than one would expect. The film is also technically well made, as the action is cut relatively well, the production values are big improvement over the three entries and the serious nature is ultimately effective. That said the film takes a tad too long to get to Bronson’s vengeance and it is somewhat disappointing to see Bronson abandon the machine guns in favor of explosives and poison, but the film’s body count is decent, the gore level is high and the factory climax is ultimately pretty satisfying. An underrated sequel to be sure, Death Wish 5 then ends the series on a high note.

The Street Fighter (Series)

2009-12-10T17:26:00.000-08:00

The Street Fighter (1974) * * * *

Cast: Sonny Chiba, Goichi Yamada, Yutaka Nakajima

Directed by Shigehiro Ozawa

Bad ass Sonny Chiba stars as the greatest anti-hero ever captured on film, Chiba is Terry, an A-moral karate expert/mercenary that kills non-paying customers and sells their sisters to pimps, ends up becoming the good guy by default when he butts heads with the Yakuza, who look to muscle in on an Heiress’ oil company fortune. Chiba helps her, not out of principle but because they wouldn’t pay him enough and because they tried to kill him. The novelty of The Street Fighter is that this hero is just so mean spirited. This is the cynic’s kung fu movie hands down, as Chiba’s charisma and martial artistry sell the character who is clearly one of the meanest characters ever captured on film. (He makes Harry Callahan seem like sensitivity guru by comparison) Meanwhile the story is unexpectedly good, the story is paced well and the film has some excellent fight sequences. The martial arts film buff can’t go wrong here, mainly because Chiba’s character is so endearingly mean spirited, and although Chiba isn’t at all ponderous or indeed finds his good side, the film keeps an interesting edge throughout. Meanwhile the action is just as well staged. Sonny Chiba no doubt inspired Steven Seagal’s presence because you clearly see Chiba made the template. The Street Fighter then is ultimately one of the best movies in the martial arts genre, up there with Master Of The Flying Guillotine, Five Fingers Of Death, Enter The Dragon, Crippled Avengers and The Big Boss. Indeed if I had to make a list of the greatest kung fu movies ever made, you can bet I’d reserve a place for The Street Fighter. It’s a classic Period.

Return Of The Street Fighter (1975) * *1/2

Cast:Sonny Chiba,Yoko Ichiji

Directed by Shigehiro Ozawa

Chiba returns with the same swagger but unfortunately the series doesn’t rise to Chiba’s effortless charisma. The kung fu scenes are there as is Chiba’s dependable presence but the story feels padded, uninspired and needlessly convoluted. Indeed this movie is pretty disappointing stuff after considering the fun factor of the first. Still not all is bad, for instance the brutal edge is still there, the Return Of The Street Fighter is just as action packed and there is a thrilling motorcycle chase that makes the film supremely watchable, it’s just that it’s not up to the first one’s standards. Though Return is better than the lackluster sequels that followed, this one is worth it only for die-hard fans who don’t mind seeing the same story and generally same results done here on with less success. Personally one should check out Chiba’s stellar work in G.I Samurai, Karate Bullfighter, Karate Bearfighter and The Executioner as those films are depicted with far more ambition and verve than this fairly uninspired sequel. Still it's pretty decent when compared to most in the genre and I don't know if I said this already, but Sonny Chiba is cool and ergo amything the man is in can't be too bad.

The Street Fighter’s Last Revenge (1975) * *

Cast:Sonny Chiba, Sue Shiomi

Directed by Shigehiro Ozawa

This time Chiba does more spy work as he tangles with drug smugglers who want to get their hands on some tapes that have a formula for making Heroin, however since the drug smugglers double-cross our P.O’d hero Chiba takes vengeance in the typically mean spirited way. A passable though ultimately tired sequel, Even Chiba this time seems bored with the plot surrounding him and the film makes Chiba more into a good guy than the other two efforts which ultimately takes away what little novelty this entry would have. Some of the chop socky is fun and as usual Chiba’s charisma always makes a movie somewhat worth watching but this film is pretty pedestrian in all levels and isn’t all that exciting on any level. This would be the worst of the series if not for the subsequent entry.

Sister Street Fighter (1976) *1/2

Cast:Sue Shiomi, Sonny Chiba

Dull entry in this worn down series finds Chiba playing second fiddle to Shiomi, as a karate expert who helps Shiomi battle the drug smugglers who have taken her brother hostage. Shiomi works pretty well, and once again Chiba is fine (though he’s playing a different character) What really sinks this movie is the pacing, in that there are too many long intervals where there is no action. What action there is adequately staged but overall this feels more like a bad spy movie than a Street Fighter series, of course part of this is due to the fact that it wasn’t intended to be a Street Fighter sequel. However even as a stand-alone film this has problems, mainly in that this film is just too boring. Not to mention that the drug smugglers are unexciting villains, and that Shiomi pretty much makes short work of them. Only the fists of fury of the climax, as well as Shiomi and Chiba’s sturdy screen presence save the film from being completely without merit.

Kosugi Ninja series

2009-12-04T16:27:00.000-08:00

Enter The Ninja (1981)
* * *

Cast: Franco Nero, Susan George, Sho Kosugi, Christopher George

Directed by Menahem Golan

Nero stars as a ninja who after an opening action sequence graduates to lethal ninja, right after the ceremony he visits a friend in the Philippines and protects said friend and fetching wife (George) from land developers, who then employ Nero’s main rival Kosugi. Enter The Ninja is one of the essential kung fu theater classics that rival the classics in the Bruce Li cannon (Though this is clearly not up to Bruce Lee standards.) indeed all of Enter The Ninja is goofy, including a ridiculous climax in which Franco Nero (looking utterly sloppy in the otherwise solid action choreography) employs his kitana, ninja stars and all type of goodies to waste the bad guys before going one on one with Kosugi in the film’s inarguably the most enjoyable movie. As campy and fun as Enter The Ninja is, one finds most of the fun moments come from villains Christopher George and Sho Kosugi. Franco Nero a decent Italian actor looks hopelessly lost in the role as does Susan George who make the least convincing actors to ever be in a ninja flick, although that’s because they try to employ their acting chops to roles that require little talent. This is the film that started the ninja craze and hands down this is well worth a look as a curiosity piece.

Revenge Of The Ninja (1983) * * *

Cast: Sho Kosugi, Keith Vitali, Arthur Roberts, Virgil Frye, Ashley Ferrere, Kane Kosugi, Professor Toru Tanaka

Directed by Sam Firstenberg

Sho Kosugi emigrates to the U.S after a rival ninja clan wipes out his family, leaving only his son and mother as survivors, however his best friend Braden (Roberts, also a ninja) is now a drug lord and has been witnessed by Kosugi’s surviving son , Kosugi puts on the pajamas again, gets the old kitana out and fights Braden in a fight to the death in one of the best ninja movies made in the 80s. Revenge Of The Ninja along with American Ninja 1-2, is ultimately one of the most enjoyable martial arts films of the 80s. The action sequences are staged extremely well, by having Kosugi the lead of the movie makes this a significant improvement over Enter The Ninja, as Kosugi is far more convincing of a ninja and a far better martial artist than Franco Nero. The main flaw with the movie is that Kane Kosugi (real life son of Sho) is utterly annoying, also the film doesn’t have enough ninja versus ninja action, sure there’s tons of action involving ninja versus mobsters and gunners but one would’ve liked to see more ninjas getting their asses kicked. Everything though is made up for by the climax where talented martial artists (though not talented actors, excepting Kosugi) fight in a climax that is surreal in the energetic chaos that finds Kosugi scaling a building and fighting Roberts decked out in ninja gear that includes flamethrowers, ninja spikes and marbles which are used to trip someone into said spikes. While martial arts are known to be pretty short on plot and bad acting, Revenge Of The Ninja is much better than most and in doing so , Revenge Of The Ninja is a classic of the genre and is well worth picking up on DVD. In fact, Revenge Of The Ninja is one of Sho’s better movies and one of the signature flicks from the Cannon studios. In other words, a must see for a martial arts fanatic.

Ninja III: The Domination (1984) *

Cast: Lucinda Dickey, Sho Kosugi

Directed by Sam Firstenberg

Breakin meets Enter The Ninja, in a movie that should meet the trashcan. Real life break dancer Dickey stars as a dancer who is possessed by a dead ninja, a dead ninja that tries to strike back at those that killed him, however only Kosugi knows that only a ninja can kill a ninja, and so an exorcism is in place and then a fight to the death, which staying awake throughout this mess is in fact. Lucinda Dickey is of course no martial artist, so she looks utterly silly, as do the action sequences. The film’s supernatural elements are ridiculous and poorly done. Indeed had this film got out the break dancing and had just non-stop ninja fights this could’ve been half way decent, instead the film is utterly tedious. Kosugi is wasted in a brief supporting role but worst of all, this film takes up too much time trying to showcase Lucinda Dickey and her boyfriend cop’s relationship, a fatal flaw that makes this film utterly unwatchable. In fact at least the Bruce Li flicks in question knew what they wanted to be and didn’t take up time trying to combine really lame elements such as break-dancing and ninjas. In fact this film is one of the worst ninja movies ever made, and don’t let anyone say any different. Thankfully Firstenberg would later redeem himself next year with the vastly superior American Ninja. Ninja III is strictly for die hard martial arts fans that think Bruce Li In New Guinea is just too complicated for the brain. A truly dreadful sequel, do not see it.

9 Deaths Of The Ninja (1985) *1/2

Cast: Sho Kosugi, Brent Huff

Directed by Emmett Altson

Kosugi and Huff star as commandos/martial arts experts who band together to lead the rescue of American children in the Philippines taken hostage by terrorists with a midget army (!) who I think are supposed to be ninjas but probably not. Actually 9 Deaths is for the most part fairly hard to follow, the film is more along the lines of a James Bond flick than a ninja flick, in fact there aren’t even any ninjas in the film, indeed this is more of a Delta Force styled movie than a ninja flick. That said there are some campy laughs to be had. The film’s completely cheap and dime-store quality is hard not to mock, the shoddy action sequences are almost surreal in their ineptitude and the film is just completely insane. The bad guys’ plans don’t make any sense and for some reason the film just jumps around sans explanation. Fans of kung fu camp may find something to enjoy as this is truly as hilarious as bad ninja movies get, seriously how can one not chuckle at seeing ninja comandos fight a midget army but anyone else that asks for quality with their ninja flicks (fun-bad as opposed to so bad it's good) are well advised to steer clear, as this remains one of the shoodiest in the genre and certainly remains one of Kosugi’s worst efforts.

Snake Eater (The Series)

2009-11-20T23:21:00.000-08:00

Snake Eater (1989) * * *

Cast: Lorenzo Lamas, Josie Bell, Ronnie Hawkins, Ron Palillo, Robert Scott

Directed by George Erschbamer

Lorenzo Lamas stars a Cop/Marine (of the Snake Eater special forces) who uses his special forces skills to become a Rambo like one man army to save his sister from a gang of backwoods mutant-like thugs who for no reason kill various people who cross their paths, and therefore it’s on like donkey kong. Snake Eater is what you call a guilty pleasure, it’s cheaply made, badly acted, and ridiculous and yet somewhat enjoyable in a schlocky way. Indeed Lamas actually fares better than he usually does (before and after) and while the movie’s attempt at humor is utterly lame, Erschbamer keeps the pace quick, the action (while cheaply conducted) is well staged and the villains are suitably menacing, indeed for those looking for campy action, one will find a lot to enjoy about Canada’s answer to Rambo. The best part of Snake Eater comes from the hilarious escape from sleeping bags that Lamas and Bell are tied into, in which suspense lingers on Lamas’ attempt to swing back and forth to knock out one of the bad guys, a sequence that is hilarious but no less than the fact that the main bad guy kills with bear claws.

Snake Eater II: The Drug Buster (1991) * * *

Cast: Lorenzo Lamas, Larry B. Scott, Michelle Scarabelli, Ron Palillo

In what is Lorenzo Lamas’ best movie to date, Snake Eater II finds L.L reprising his role as Soldier, a crazed one man army cop so insane he’s actually confined to a mental facility, which of course serves as to where Lamas and Scott plan their destruction on drug dealers who cut their drugs with rat poison (credibility is not a big factor here) and in doing so becoming judge, jury and executioner at the expense of mobsters who are destroyed from the inside out. Snake Eater II is not only a vast improvement over the original, it’s also one of the better entries out there in the STV market, indeed the production values are slick, the action well staged and the comedy actually quite funny. Indeed Erschbamer keeps the action frequent and Larry B. Scott of Revenge Of The Nerds fame has good chemistry with star Lorenzo Lamas, indeed the best part of the movie is the appeal of both, as they plant bombs in toilets, replace fire extinguisher with ones rigged with gas and of course a sequence in which a guy is electrocuted by a lamp and a broken fish tank. Of course the film is almost as funny as the original and the difference here is that this one tries to be funny and succeeds. Indeed, this movie holds its own against many comedies and that is something that one doesn’t expect. However what also makes Snake Eater II head and shoulders above most Canadian action films (let alone Canadian Lorenzo Lamas films) is the creativity with the premise, the movie could’ve been a one man army cop Vs drug lords but by revolving around a mental home, the best sequences of humor come from the crazies (including a hilarious arsonist and a sex crazed televangelist) as well as the way how our hero sneaks in and out of the mental facility and still has the time to have his female shrink fall from him, who then doesn’t notice that Lamas makes bombs in the very building. Snake Eater II then isn’t high on credibility stakes (why would drug dealers cut their drugs with poison, that would kill business, literally.) but it’s action packed and the film’s comedy works very well. This is a straight to video gem, and for what it’s worth the best Lorenzo Lamas movie to date.

Snake Eater III: His Law (1992)
* *

Cast: Lorenzo Lamas, Minor Mustain, Tracey Cook, Scott “Bam Bam” Bigelow

Directed by George Erschbamer

Lorenzo L returns as Soldier, who has gone from a Rambo-like one man army to Lethal Weapon-like cop who this time teams up with the “Cowboy” (Mustain) to do battle with a gang of outlaw bikers who have kidnapped a college student girl (who they infected with herpes) meanwhile there’s very little plot and little of the camp that made the first one fun, or the humor and creativity that made the second one so good. This one is more of a routine rip off of Stone Cold and while Erschbamer does craft some decent action, Snake Eater III fails to really deviate from the rip off formula, and this time without a foil in the vein of Larry B. Scott, Lamas is given a Clint Eastwood like partner that is fairly humorless and especially more disappointing is that both Mustain and Lamas lack chemistry and therefore Lamas is back in his wooden and humorless mode that renders this entry for Lamas’ most endearing die-hard fans who will enjoy the (mindless ) action.

Hawk’s Vengeance (1997) *1/2

Cast: Gary Daniels, Jayne Heitmeyer, George Chiang,Cass Magda

Gary Daniels (Also known as the poor man’s Dolph Lundgren) replaces Lorenzo Lamas as Soldier Kelly’s half brother Hawk, a bad ass kung fu marine from England who goes to the U.S to get vengeance on the bad guys that murdered his brother, While in America, Daniels pays his final respects, is bewildered by how many women were at his brother’s funeral (You never see the sister Lamas saved in part 1) and falls in love with his brother’s partner (Heitmeyer) and in the process finds a conspiracy involving Triads and bodies that are depleted of organs. Once again Hawk’s Vengeance (Snake Eater IV) is a very feeble and very boring martial arts/cop thriller that takes forever to get started and is so very predictable. In fact there is no type of energy or urgency in the battle field, indeed even when compared to the others in this series, you can see those that made the film weren’t at all having fun making this movie. Daniels is a far better actor than Lorenzo Lamas, has far more charisma and is a better martial artist, but even he can’t kick any life into this inert movie.

Rocky (The Series)

2009-11-20T21:07:00.000-08:00

Rocky (1976) * * * *

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, Burgess Meredith, Burt Young, Carl Weathers, Tony Burton

Directed by John G. Avildsen

1976’s best picture (Although Network and Taxi Driver were better and I’m a die-hard Rocky fan…) finds Stallone in his most signature role as two-bit boxer and low level hood who is given a chance at the title and goes the distance. Rocky is actually much different than the series it spawned (In fact so different that it’s not even really centered around the boxing) Rocky is actually a very rich movie, full of offbeat, down to earth and likable characters so when we see Rocky train and take a beating we are more involved in the film. Indeed if not for Rocky 1, we wouldn’t have really cared if Rocky beat Mr. T, Dolph Lundgren and everyone in between. Indeed it’s the first movie that lends the series so much goodwill, as we love Rocky and the characters so much that were willing to wade through the lame entries (Rocky IV) and still stand by this series as one of our favorites. In fact Stallone is far removed from his action presence , as his acting here is actually very good. Actually quite deserving of his Oscar nod, indeed what a lot of people also forget is just how funny a lot of Rocky is. Like Rocky and Adrian’s first date and the way Rocky says “Yo, you know I never talked to a door before…” or for that matter how charged a lot of scenes are such as when Burgess Meredith comes down to ask Rocky to be his manager, then of course there is the final fight which is still as intense as it was when it played, overall there is a reason Rocky is such a beloved classic and 30 some years later , Rocky has lost none of its charm. It really is a timeless classic.

Rocky II (1979) * * *

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Carl Weathers, Talia Shire, Burt Young, Burgess Meredith, Tony Burton

Directed by Sylvester Stallone

Rocky returns for a rematch against heavyweight champion Apollo Creed (Weathers) after getting married, trying his hand at regular work, learning how to read and becoming a father, Rocky finds that he isn’t cut out for anything else but boxing, so he trains for the big match and this time in front of his Philadelphia crowd, so this leads to the best training montage of the film. Rocky II pretty much set the tone of the series, mainly lots of training montage and a big suspenseful fight at the end. Rocky II is enjoyable because once again Stallone makes the character effortlessly likable, indeed you cannot NOT root for Rocky here. Rocky II is a decent sequel because Weathers is a great villain, the training montage is spectacular and the final fight is so well choreographed and suspenseful. Indeed this stuff is handled so greatly it makes up for the inherent goofiness of Adrian’s pregnancy complications and Rocky’s attempt to become a commercial salesman and fit in the real world. Indeed the most effective part of Rocky II is when it concentrates on the winning formula. Indeed the reason this movie is merely good and not great, is the fact that it doesn’t have as much character depth as the original but Rocky II is still pretty good as sequels go.

Rocky III (1982) * * *

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Mr. T, Talia Shire, Burt Young, Carl Weathers, Burgess Meredith, Tony Burton, Hulk Hogan

Directed by Sylvester Stallone

Rocky has gotten soft, so much so that a hungry competitor Clubber Lang (Mr. T) has brutally dethroned Rocky and took him apart in a one sided boxing match, shaken from his defeat Rocky trains with his former nemesis Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers) to regain his eye of the tiger and get what it takes to win the title again. Rocky III is here where the series turned into a ridiculous fight flick, in which it became more about what bad ass Rocky fights rather than the characters around Rocky. Indeed to showcase how goofy Rocky III is, Rocky actually fights Hulk Hogan in a charity fight, where Hulk Hogan body slams Rocky, throws him out of the ring and in the best moment is hit by Paulie with a chair, it’s moments like this that pad the running time as such is not even important, which is mainly Sly Vs Mr. T and because such is so thin in terms of plot, Rocky III pretty much is built on adding in such elements to stretch things out. In fact this film is your template for your Bloodsports and Kickboxers because this is simply training montage and a big bad villain that is 100% evil. In other words Rocky and Co. aren’t human so much as they are two dimensional versions of themselves that exist to train, fight and give moral support at the end. In other words Rocky III is completely stripped of what made Rocky an Oscar contender, but while this is pure ridiculous formula, Rocky III is still a lot of fun.

Rocky IV (1985) * *

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Talia Shire, Burt Young, Carl Weathers, Tony Burton

This time Rocky becomes more like Charles Bronson, as he looks to avenge the death of his best friend Apollo at the hands of Ivan Drago (Lundgren) a Russian superman who can punch 2000 PSI and is honked up on steroids, he also kills Apollo Creed (Weathers) in an ill advised exhibition match and so Rocky goes to Siberia trains to beat the Russian and well you can pretty much guess the rest. The only thing that changes about this formula is the villain, and Dolph Lundgren makes for an enjoyable villain, certainly imposing and the best thing in this ridiculous and boring sequel. Stallone pads this thing out so much, that there is less time for the training montage, in fact the scene between Rocky and Adrian with the cake is truly as painfully corny as it gets, there is a really, really stupid robot this time and the film doesn’t even work in the vein of the third one, Indeed because Stallone loads this thing with endless music videos and would be moments of heart, it’s only in the second half that Rocky IV comes somewhat alive and thankfully the final fight is a real show stopper, but to get to that you have to watch some really dumb music videos and overall this makes Rocky IV dull and ridiculous.

Rocky V (1990) * * *

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, Burt Young, Tommy Morrison, Sage Stallone, Burgess Meredith, Richard Gant, Tony Burton

Directed by John G. Avildsen

Rocky has lost everything, his money, his license to fight and indeed his health (he suffers from brain damage) so Rocky is forced to go back to the basics and in doing so trains a new competitor named Tommy Gunn (Morrison) however when a promoter (Gant) turns Tommy against Rocky, the matter is settled in the streets. The thing about Rocky V that I think a lot of people hate about it (but not me, I think it’s one of the stronger entries) is that it doesn’t feel like a Rocky movie, so much as a kung fu flick with boxing. Indeed Rocky is told he can’t fight again, he trains a new competitor and then has to destroy him when said competitor turns evil, the only difference between that plot line and a Shaw Brothers movie is that Rocky would’ve trained his son to fight Tommy, that aside this film actually does seem to have heart. Rocky V tries and often succeeds in bringing back the feel of the old neighborhood and I for one found the father and son subplot to be quite affecting. It’s sort of weird how Rocky V is hated so much (Even by Stallone) because it’s really not a bad effort, and Avildsen choreographs a great climax that is probably the best in the series. I think Rocky V could’ve worked better as a stand-alone film, as Rocky is such a likable character we don’t want to see him betrayed and back to where he began again, but as it stands Rocky V is a pretty decent flick and unfairly maligned, indeed it’s way better than Rocky IV.

Rocky Balboa (2006) * * *

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Burt Young, Tony Burton, Geraldine Hughes, Milo Ventimiglia, Antonio Tarver, Talia Shire

Directed by Sylvester Stallone

Rocky brings the series full circle in what is the best sequel in the series. This time Rocky takes an exhibition match against heavyweight champion Mason “The Line” Dixon (Tarver) to prove that he still has what it takes as a champion and due to the fact that he still has a little still left in the basement, after being a widower for a couple years. Rocky Balboa is much different than what you’d expect in that it isn’t like Rocky III-V, indeed those movies feel more like Shaw Brothers kung fu movies in plot and follow through than they do as a Rocky movie. This one goes after the character arc that one had long thought the series had lost, Rocky V sort of recaptured it but Rocky Balboa effortlessly brings back the heart and charm that the original had. In fact one can see the parallels between Stallone and Rocky, as many were skeptical (me included) of Rocky being able to pull off such a role at 60, that he could even hope to make anything less than a laughable failure of epic magnitude. It’s to Stallone’s credit that not only does he craft a decent movie but one that actually surpasses all of the sequels. Indeed Stallone’s rise and fall from fame is filtered back to Rocky with very effective results and Stallone is even savvy enough to play on our expectations as we wonder if he’s going to kill Rocky off or if he is going to win at the end etc. Rocky Balboa than is most likely the last of the series but it stands to reason that Stallone couldn’t have crafted a much better conclusion to the series of one of the all time greatest movie characters of all time. Sylvester Stallone then deserves credit for proving that he still has what it takes to make a fitting conclusion to the series and to prove that despite all the macho action roles, still has acting talent.

Rambo (The Series)

2009-11-19T16:07:00.000-08:00

First Blood (1982) * * *1/2

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Brian Dennehy

Directed by Ted Kotcheff

Sly stars in the most influential (and still best) Vietnam Vet run amok film, as Sly plays Rambo, a perfectly killing machine who uses his formidable skills in the backwoods of a small town when the local deputies mistreat him and unfairly arrest him, all of a sudden Rambo is shooting a chain-gun and blowing up half the town. It’s hard to believe that this movie inspired the whole Rambo phenomenon as the film isn’t really on Rambo’s side. Certainly the film isn’t as blood thirsty or jingoistic as what was to come, but ultimately this film is fascinating because it can be seen as a cynical and viscous response to society as First Blood clearly argues that Rambo is but one violent confrontation from reverting back to his combat ways and if you push him far enough you’ll ignite the beast within. The politics are certainly what is the most interesting, but it’s also the shootouts as well as the hand to hand combat sequences that are what most likely got people behind this movie. Stallone is actually very good in the role, making for a believable insane Vietnam vet, and it wasn’t until the 4th installment where Rambo was seen as openly psychotic. Overall though despite the direction this series went, First Blood remains an essential look at the 80s in general. In other words despite being the least violent of the series, this movie succeeds in being the best because First Blood is the most political, violent and angry. Indeed it’s the movie that spoke to 80s generation and continues to be a favorite among teens years later. A classic then, but for those who didn’t like the sequels, this one is ultimately well worth seeing and different in all regards than what you might expect.

Rambo:First Blood Part II (1985) * * *

Cast: Sylevester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Charles Napier, Martin Kove, Steven Berkoff

Directed by George P. Cosmatos

Rambo returns to do save the P.O.Ws still behind enemy lines, Rambo II, while ultimately not as good as the first, works in the mindless action department. Rambo II is ultimately just as angry as the first film, in fact where as the first one was angry at the people for not supporting veterans, this one targets the very government that made men like Rambo and then left him to flounder. The film is hard to take seriously in the credibility department, as Rambo’s mission is to sneak behind enemy lines and take pictures, and said government officials wants Rambo to fail, begging the question as to why they would bother in the first place, but Rambo II is about more than just that, it’s about delivering a big body count, pointing the finger at who’s really responsible for Vietnam and more importantly symbolizes how Rambo II was made not only to entertain the masses but to boost the morale of the country after suffering defeat in Vietnam. Indeed this film inspired numerous rip offs, mainly the Missing In Action series (although Uncommon Valor predates this movie…go figure) etc but the disgruntled vet waging a one man war became a popular phenomenon that inspired many in the genre, indeed Van Damme, Seagal and Dolph Lundgen couldn’t have had a career without such inspiration. Then as an artifact Rambo II is still just as entertaining as it was years ago, it still holds up well today despite being dated. (In fact it’s even more enjoyable because it’s so dated) It’s one of those movies that so captures the mood of the 80s so much that it ultimately becomes the decade and for fans of both nostalgia and mindless violence, few movies are as enjoyable as Rambo II.

Rambo III (1988) *

Cast:Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Kurtwood Smith

Directed by Peter MacDonald

Sly is back and this time he has tried to turn over a new leaf as he has turned to the Buddhist temples to find his inner peace, it is because of this rejects a mission to help out Afghan troops from Russian oppression and in the process his mentor Col Trautman (Crenna) is captured and ergo Rambo trades in his prayer beads for his M60 Saw in what is a mostly dull one man army flick. This one lacks the angry politics or even the scope of action that the other two entries had. Indeed this sequel is flaccid, lifeless and ridiculous all at the same time. Indeed the energy and ambition is so low, it’s as if it’s getting by on fumes and what makes this even more of a loss is that Rambo III was at one time the most expensive movie at one time, and yet the action sequences are lame. The camera is in the wrong place, there is little suspense and surprisingly Rambo III takes too long to actually get down to business. Rambo III than is a very weak body-count flick, lifeless, slow and just plain boring, it’s not hard to see why this film stalled the series for 20 years. Indeed Rambo III was so inert (words cannot express how tedious this thing is) and bad, this sequel singlehandedly squashed the Rambo Phenomenon.

Rambo (2008) * * *

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Julie Benz, Matthew Marsden, Muang Muang Khin

Directed by Sylvester Stallone

This time Rambo is found in Thailand making a living by trapping cobras for his Thai employers, when a group of missionaries ask him to help them cross the border to Laos (?) to deliver the message and meds to make a difference, but when expected the Missionaries are captured by cruel dictator (Khin) it’s left up to Rambo to save them and in essence give Rambo another chance to win the Vietnam war again all on his own. Rambo is just as political as the first two, in fact it’s actually full circle, in that the Vietnam vet now seeks to be left alone from the dregs of society, and ergo tells those that would stick their noses in other people’s affairs that such is not worth it. Ergo the politics aren’t as strong or angry as the first two, but the view is just as cynical as Rambo finally realizes that he can’t live a normal life because he himself loves the thrill of killing that much. Indeed we see Rambo saying things like “When pushed, killing is as easy as breathing”… and much, much more. Indeed the message of peace is seen as laughable, as the enemy kills the weak and dominates, it’s not until a stronger force is brought in can justice or even hope prevail. Rambo then is one to see on repeat viewings, for you can see that Stallone understands the philosophy of the character that he personified. Rambo is also far bloodier, mean spirited and gory than all of the others combined, and yet despite all of this I still like the first two better because of nostalgia factor, though if I had seen this at 13 this would be high up there. As it stands now, it’s a pretty damn good one man army flick and hopefully we get more movies like this.

The Terminator Series

2009-11-18T15:23:00.000-08:00

The Terminator (1984) * * * *

Cast:Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Biehn, Linda Hamilton, Paul Winfield, Lance Henriksen, Earl Boen, Bill Paxton, Brian Thompson

Directed by James Cameron

Sci-Fi/Action classic combo that finds Schwarzenegger as a seemingly unstoppable killing machine (literally) sent back through time to kill Sarah Connor (Hamilton) who will go on to give birth to the savior of humanity 40 some years into the future, while the future resistance sends Kyle Reese (Biehn) to protect her. Wow, what can I say about what has become one of the all time staples of both action and science fiction? Aside from that fact that The Terminator is one of the all time greats and still remains Schwarzenegger’s best movie of all time. I also would add that The Terminator has aged very well, as James Cameron’s pacing, atmospheric direction and action packed spectacle still delivers. Indeed in terms of the series this is by far the most compulsively watchable, the one with the most heart and has the most suspense. Another thing that makes The Terminator a classic years on, is the way Cameron plays with time paradoxes, as Cameron’s sure hand not only keeps the action going but also keeps the story fascinating and tightly wound. Indeed this is hands down one of the best movies of the 80s and for those who haven’t seen it; you guys don’t know what you’re missing. Also of note is how The Terminator sports some of the best action sequences to date (The police station massacre) and 25 years later remains every bit as intense as when it came out. In other words they don’t come any better than this…

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) * * *1/2

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Robert Patrick, Edward Furlong, Joe Morton, Earl Boen

Arnold returns in this crowd pleasing sequel that finds Schwarzenegger sent back in time to protect John Connor (Furlong) from the T-1000 (Patrick) a far more advanced prototype that is impervious to bullets, can shape shift and is made of liquid metal, also on board is Sarah Connor buffed up and pumping belts of ammo at “Liquid Man” (As many dubbed the T-1000) alongside the Cyborg protector. Once again Terminator 2 is every bit as excellent as you’ve been led to believe, the action is spectacular, the movie is extremely suspenseful and compact, the special effects are awesome and the story is just as captivating, however it still in my opinion isn’t quite as good as the first because the movie sort of takes a detour half way through as the film provides needless bonding between Furlong and Schwarzenegger, also the film isn’t quite as paced as well as many of the Mental hospital scenes seem unnecessary and padded. That said, T2 delivers everything it promises and often a bit more. Indeed T2 is at its best when it focuses on the paradoxes and indeed the overall impending doom that is judgment day and the fight to prevent and whether one can or cannot alter destiny. Also the film boasts a villain that is easily every bit as memorable as Arnold was, in fact having the T-1000 imitate a police officer is a great touch, and the liquid nitrogen finale as well as the story arcs make this a fairly excellent sequel.

Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines (2003) * * *

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nick Stahl, Clare Danes, Kristana Loken, David Andrews

Directed by Jonathan Mostow

Belated and somewhat unnecessary sequel finds Arnold sent back to not only protect John Connor (Stahl), but also Connor’s future wife Kate Brewster (Danes) and numerous Lieutenants (that are killed off and never explored again) while facing off against the T-X (Loken) an even more advanced model than the T-1000 and is build specifically to destroy other terminators. Terminator 3 does feature some good action sequences, The fire truck and wrecking ball car chase is among some of the best car chases I’ve ever seen, however Terminator 3 is let down solely by a very weak villain in Loken. She has the look down but try as she might, Loken isn’t nearly as menacing as either Schwarzenegger in the original or Robert Patrick in the first sequel. Indeed the movie is often times half baked as many elements are just abandoned, such as how the TX is sent back to take down numerous targets, also the TX doesn’t have any real power or threat over the T-1000, they should’ve just sent another T-1000 back or cast a far more imposing actor, as seeing Loken battle Schwarzenegger is often ridiculous, still weak villain aside the story has a downbeat hook that made the first two compelling, and thankfully the ending doesn’t chicken out as the movie ends on a downbeat note, the paradox angle as usual provides the best moments, as do the action sequences and Schwarzenegger’s effortlessly winning charisma. Indeed on its own Terminator 3 is pretty decent, but it is somewhat of a disappointment as a sequel to one of the best series of all time. Indeed I recommend it, but with some reservations.

Terminator: Salvation (2009) * *

Cast: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Bryce Dallas Howard, Jane Alexander, Anton Yelchin, Michael Ironside, Helena Bonham Carter

Directed by McG

Terminator 4 abandons everything that came before it to basically showcase the actual fight in the future, so this one lacks the time travel angle, as it starts off with John Connor (Bale) leading the resistance in battle and teaming up with a Terminator that is build on human memories (or something?) Anyway lots of ammo and plasma guns are fired at the big robots in a film that is adequate as far as things like this go, but sorely disappointing when even compared to Terminator 3. Bale’s hero is somehow even more expressionless than Schwarzenegger was, and Schwarzenegger was playing a cyborg! The action is okay, but this isn’t anything you haven’t seen before and at times I was more reminded of Mad Max more than anything else. What is ultimately even more of a cheat is that the movie doesn’t play around with said paradox angles, and the moments of would be heart comes off as ridiculously sappy. In other words fans of the series who such as myself that enjoyed the science fiction element of these films will be sorely disappointed by the lack of ambition shown here. T4 is an ultimately mediocre and soulless exercise in apocalypse action.

2009-11-18T13:51:00.001-08:00

Dangerously Close (1986) *

Cast: John Stockwell, Thom Mathews, J.Eddie Peck, Carey Lowell

Directed by Albert Pyun

Dangerously Close is like Class Of 1984 meets music video in a mindless and repetitive throwaway from Cannon films. Future B. Movie master Albert Pyun tries hard to inject a sense of style into the proceedings, however, like they say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Dangerously Close finds high school reporter J. Eddie Peck getting involved with a wealthy fascist gang (led by Stockwell and Mathews) when various kids start disappearing. There is of course a conspiracy that may or may not involve teachers but by the 15 minute point you will not care as you will be too bored to follow the simplistic narrative. Dangerously Close plays like a third rate lame Teen soap opera, the characters are paper thin and Pyun can’t seem to get a handle on what the point of his movie is. Dangerously Close has endless sequences of people driving, while staring at the camera while music plays. What this has to do with anything is anyone’s guess.

2009-11-18T13:50:00.000-08:00

The Quest (1996) *

Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Roger Moore, James Remar, Janet Gunn, Aki Aleong

Directed by Jean-Claude Van Damme

Jean-Claude Van Damme essentially directs a remake of Bloodsport, this time as a kidnapped thief who fights for big wig pirate Roger Moore, to win a prized gold dragon in the 1920s sometime. Despite being the star’s directorial debut, it’s also easily the worst fight flick of his films since No Retreat No Surrender, lacking the strong villains, epic scale fight sequences and a sure hand to pump up the fights, Van Damme manages to film some of these fights well, but everything else he really louses up. For instance the drama of Roger Moore trying to steal the dragon, as well as the love interest and even the beginning which finds Van Damme as a mime(!) Indeed Jean-Claude Van Damme tries to go for more of an Asian feel that concentrates on the character, but Van Damme’s vision is too simplistic and therefore the fight sequences while adequate make this one of Van Damme’s lesser efforts. Indeed with Bloodsport, Kickboxer and Lionheart available, this quest is definitely one not worth going on.

2009-11-18T13:48:00.000-08:00

Red Scorpion (1989) * *

Cast: Dolph Lundgren, M. Emmet Walsh, Al White, Brion James, T.P McKenna

Directed by Joseph Zito

Dolph stars as a Russian killing machine sent to dispatch a rebel leader leading the rebellion against the Soviet rule in some unnamed African country, Dolph fails his mission and is sentenced to death, he then is trained by a bushman (!) in the art of war and leads the rebels in an attack against his former comrades. Red Scorpion comes alive only in the action sequences which are creatively staged, and well directed. However the story is routine, predictable and stupid all at once. The climax furnishes a big body count, as Dolph becomes the Russian answer to John Rambo, but Red Scorpion doesn’t work as a Rambo rip off because of the lack of such crowd pleasing moments. Red Scorpion does have some unintentionally hilarious moments (mainly comic relief from Walsh that is so unfunny it becomes funny again) and is at least better than Rambo III, but other than that this forgettable effort is for Dolph Lundgren fans and undemanding audiences.

2009-11-18T13:45:00.001-08:00

Hard To Kill (1990) * * *

Cast: Steven Seagal, Kelly LeBrock, Bill Sadler, Frederic Coffin

Directed by Bruce Malmuth

Seagal plays super-cop Mason Storm an Aikido expert who survives an attack on his family only to wake up later looking to avenge the matter, seems Seagal accidently videotaped a corrupt politician (is there any other kind?) and his dealings with mobsters to assassinate the current mayor or senator of the state, but after recouping with a fetching nurse (Seagal’s than real life wife LeBrock)and using Chinese herbal remedies to put him in peak condition to get revenge in the most brutal of ways. Hard To Kill represents a vast improvement over the mediocre Above The Law, as the revenge angle is perfectly suited to Seagal’s style of hero, and the bad guys are viscous and thoroughly hateful. Also, the action goes more for suspense, especially the action sequence where Seagal has to dodge gun toting hit-men while bed ridden and needing a broom to press the elevator buttons. Hard To Kill also succeeds in giving us the vintage Seagal line- “I’m gonna take you to the bank…the blood bank!”

2009-11-18T13:44:00.001-08:00

I Come In Peace (1990)
* * *

Cast: Dolph Lundgren, Brian Benben, Matthias Hues, Betsy Brantley, Michael J. Pollard

Director: Craig R. Baxley

Dolph stars as Jack Caine, a Houston detective who is partnered up with straight laced FBI agent Larry Smith (Brian Benben) to investigate the seemingly strange murders of heroin induced victims that had their brains sucked out. The two cops learn that the one behind it is an Alien drug dealer (Matthias Hues, who would become a legendary B.movie heavy) who has come down to earth to harvest humans for their endorphins, hot on his trail is an alien cop that joins forces with our heroes. I Come In Peace is very derivative and built upon tiresome cop movie clichés. However I Come In Peace works despite itself, and wisely director Baxley goes the action route and in doing so delivers a better than average Lethal Weapon/The Hidden clone. Also what sells the story is the on screen chemistry between Lundgren and Benben who have some quirky moments adrift the carnage (and clichés), but the main selling point is (of course) the action, to which I Come In Peace scores the highest marks on. I Come In Peace might not be a bona-fide classic but for fans of the genre, it stands head and shoulders above most of its ilk and delivers exactly what it promises.

2009-11-18T13:43:00.000-08:00

Lionheart (1991)
* * *

Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Harrison Page, Deborah Rennard, Brian Thompson,Lisa Pelikan

Directed by Sheldon Lettich

Jean-Claude Van Damme stars as a legionnaire who goes AWOL to see his dying brother, he doesn’t succeed in time, and so he street fights to keep his deceased brother’s family from being homeless in this enjoyable retelling of Hard Times. Lionheart will not be remembered as 1991’s best movie (or even 1991’s best Van Damme movie) but it’s story while silly and padded, manages to be serviceable backdrop to the excellent fight sequences, and while the plot involving the foreign legion is trite and forced, the fight sequences and indeed the family scenes give this movie a little more depth than one might expect. If anything else the final fight in the climax is in particular excellent and very suspenseful.

2009-11-18T13:38:00.000-08:00

Above The Law (1988) * * *

Cast: Steven Seagal, Pam Grier, Henry Silva, Sharon Stone

Directed by Andrew Davis

Seagal plays Italian-Catholic cop Nico, a detective who battles a straggle of corrupt cops and crooked ex-CIA agents involved with funding missions to kill Latin-American drug lords, while also trying to take out the senator who is going to bring light to their plans. Above The Law has sturdy directing, and does in fact have some good action sequences, but the story is so routine and forgettable that the film never works as either a political thriller or straight forward action. Seagal is admittedly decent and a departure from the action star he plays today, but the plot is just another cop Vs group of baddies movie. Andrew Davis tends to direct smarter action flicks that focus on suspense but in this case he has not enough story to draw from. Above The Law is often so by-the-numbers and predictable that it barely registers and once it hits the credits you often struggle to remember what happened before. Above The Law then is recommended though with some reservations. The film is action packed and fairly well paced but I have the feeling this will appeal solely to Seagal fans who will enjoy the action, but personally I thought Seagal was better showcased in Out For Justice and Hard To Kill. Fans of Blaxploitation great Pam Grier will be especially disappointed by how little she is used. That said the film is still fairly enjoyable it's just that the film doesn't come together like it should. Above The Law despite its shortcomings is still worth seeing.

2009-11-18T13:36:00.001-08:00

Fallen Knight (1998) *

Cast: Dolph Lundgren, Francoise Robertson

Directed by Jean Marc Piche

Dolph plays Luc, a David Carradine-esque templar priest who travels from Tel Aviv to New York (Really Canada, where this was filmed) to stop a body hopping demon from unleashing the anti-christ. Robertson plays the archeologist who tags along at first for her career and second to help Dolph keep the gates of hell locked in what is one of Lundgren’s ultimate blunders. Dolph Lundgren despite his screen presence, isn’t the first one would expect, to be a priest or for that matter to get his ass handed to him by a guy a foot shorter than him, but then again Lundgren isn’t alone, as the numerous actors playing the demon are all just as unconvincing and laughable. The one salvation that a film of this magnitude would need is the fight arena, but these sequences are lame, while the horror element is more absurd than suspenseful and Piche manages to somehow shoot the punches, sword clanking and explosions at all the wrong angles. The action is lame at best, but the movie gets somehow even more pathetic when Lundgren is asked to recite fortune cookie wisdoms and the ineptitude of the production furthermore makes this Lundgren’s worst feature. Also known as The Minion, so avoid it under both titles.

2009-11-18T13:35:00.000-08:00

Cyberjack (1995) * * *

Cast:Michael Dudikoff, Brion James, Suki Kaiser

Directed By Robert Lee

Cyberjack is the first (and best) film to combine Die Hard with Blade Runner (Night Siege: Project Shadowchaser II was the other one) and in Cyberjack we find ex-American Ninja Dudikoff as Nick James a cop turned janitor who finds himself in a fight against the criminal who killed his love interest/partner years ago. Seems that Brion James plans on trying to rule the world through cyberspace and in the finale we see our ex-American Ninja duking it out with a super-powered Brion James. Cyberjack is low budget but the filmmakers make the most of it, and in turn provide some interesting plot angles (such as Dudikoff being aided by a robot in battle), as well as funny one liners to make the derivative plot angle go down easier. Plus the unexpectedly low key tongue in cheek acting from Dudikoff and James elevate this to watchable status. Certainly nobody is mistaking Cyberjack as a classic, but it’s hands down one of Dudikoff’s better efforts.

2009-11-18T13:32:00.000-08:00

Knock Off (1998) * * *

Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Rob Schneider, Paul Sorvino, Lela Rochon, Michael Wong

Directed by Tsui Hark

Jean-Claude stars as a fashion designer and jeans manufacturer who finds himself in the middle of a scheme to smuggle bombs in his company product’s jeans, while his business partner and CIA flunkie Rob Scheider find themselves the target of Russian mobsters, Triads and disgruntled CIA agents. Knock Off is one of those movies that goes in the camp files. Jean-Claude Van Damme a typically decent action star is completely hopeless in his Jackie Chan attempt at humor. Indeed Jean-Claude reminds one more of a kung fu expert Jerry Lewis and the result is a mess, but a compulsively watchable one mind you. Rob Schneider is also completely miscast as an undercover CIA agent, while even heavyweight talent Paul Sorvino fails to do much with his role. Then again this movie is essentially a James Bond Movie meets Halloween III, with some jaw dropping ludicrous directing touches such as Jean-Claude’s foot going into a sock, dubbing so out of synch it’s beyond surreal and of missiles propelling a guy against a wall before finally exploding. Knock Off of course is a camp classic due to its sheer nutty chaos, something that is better appreciated now better than when it came out. From a technical standpoint the movie just doesn’t make any sense and to this day I have no idea how to explain what took place. Yet Knock Off remains relatively fascinating to watch throughout

2009-11-18T13:30:00.000-08:00

Pentathlon (1994) *

Cast: Dolph Lundgren, David Soul, Roger Moseley

Directed by Bruce Malmuth

Dolph stars an Olympic athlete Eric Brogar who defects to the United States to escape communist rule in East Germany, much to the dismay of his Neo-Nazi coach Mueller (Soul, in a hilariously awful performance) which leads to the murder of Brogar’s father and best friend, feeling sorry for himself Brogar meets up with a restaurant owner who then trains him for his big comeback in the Olympics, only to find his ex-coach looking to ruin his comeback. Pentathlon revolves around white supremacists trying to kill some type of ethnic diplomat and Dolph having to stop them, and while the premise is certainly ridiculous enough to work as campy fun, Pentathlon feels too much like TV pilot, and not even a good one. Dolph Lundgren is merely wooden in the role, and without his fists of fury, he can’t elevate this one on any entertaining level. David Soul though almost succeeds in making this a camp classic. Almost but not quite, as David Soul’s failed attempts at infusing his character with crazed intensity leads to many awkward moments just sadly not enough, as Soul doesn’t have nearly enough screen time. The really deadly sin, is that Pentathlon doesn’t have any real action to justify its predictable plot, terrible acting and ridiculous premise which in turn renders this as a complete bore.

Under Siege (The Series)

2009-11-18T13:28:00.000-08:00

Under Siege (1992) * * *

Cast: Steven Seagal, Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Busey, Erika Eleniak

Directed by Andrew Davis

Steven Seagal keeps his winning streak going, as Navy-SEAL turned cook Casey Ryback who is forced to use his Seal training and akidio skills to battle Hijackers who have captured a battle ship with nuclear capabilities. Leading the hijackers are Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey in two excellent performances which keep the momentum going during the breaks in action. Despite being heralded as Seagal’s best effort to date, this doesn’t quite scale the heights of Seagal’s underrated Out For Justice, as that gritty formula showcased Seagal’s form better, but Under Siege does offer plenty to enjoy and Seagal while playing essentially the same bad-ass thug he’s been typecast as, wisely underplays it, while letting Jones and (especially) Busey chew the scenery. Also pacing is somewhat of a problem as the film could stand to be trimmed by about 10 minutes, but overall when it comes to Seagal movies, it really doesn’t get much better than this. Indeed one also secretly suspects how much better it would’ve been with Bruce Willis or Schwarzenegger in the lead. That said Seagal does at least get to rip out throats and detonate a bomb with a microwave, so there is at least some fun to be had.

Under Siege 2:Dark Territory (1996) * * *

Cast: Steven Seagal, Eric Bogosian, Everett McGill, Morris Chestnut, Peter Greene, Katherine Heigl

Directed by Geoff Murphy

Steven Seagal rebounds from the trash-heap to the winning formula that made him a household name among action fans. This time Seagal plays the Navy Seal turned cook who this time has to battle hi-tech terrorists aboard a train, who plan on using a satellite to nuke various places in the world, the terrorists stand no chance against one man army Seagal, especially when they have his niece (Heigl) in tow. Without question this remains Seagal’s most farfetched and ridiculous movies to date. The movie has so many ludicrous subplots as well as no clearly explained motive on the bad guy’s part that isn’t beyond absurd. That said the movie still is worth seeing because there is a lot of exciting action and the suspense level remains high due to the close encounters space that Murphy directs with a good eye. Indeed the movie has Seagal jumping through various box-cars, climbing on top of the roof of the train and basically fight sequences centered around burning boxcars and crashing choppers. Bogosian and McGill are decent but no match for Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey from the original. Indeed if the film had gotten rid of the satellite angle and just kept Seagal going up against terrorists with hostages this would’ve been an easily better than the first. Such as it is, the satellite angle adds a science fiction element that is implausible and that stops the movie’s momentum at regular intervals.

2009-11-18T13:25:00.001-08:00

Johnny Mnemonic (1995) * 1/2

Cast: Keanu Reeves, Dolph Lundgren, Takeshi Kitano, Dina Meyer, Ice-T, Henry Rollins, Udo Kier

Directed by Robert Longo

Keanu Reeves plays a Johnny, a courier who has downloaded the cure to some vaguely defined plague, however the people that downloaded such in Jonny’s brain are all killed by the Yakuza, so when Johnny gets to the states (New Jersey of all places) various bad guys employed by the medical corporation want his head, literally. Dolph Lundgren plays a religious fanatic assassin preacher while Kitano plays the head of the Yakuza who are Johnny’s deadliest adversaries, they are also the film’s only bright spots. Johnny Mnemonic you can tell wasn’t meant to be an action orientated project, as long intervals go without any real fighting. It’s blatantly obvious however that due to the success of Speed, that Johnny Mnemonic has been edited and turned into an action film by committee, and a very bad one at that. The two bright spots are Takeshi Kitano who plays the only sympathetic character while Lundgren provides life in an intentionally hilarious portrayal of a cybernetic street preacher, whenever Kitano or Lundgren are on screen the film picks up some momentum as Reeves’ character is a ridiculously boring and unlikable character, who, basically runs from anonymous Blade Runner-inspired baddies for far too long. While usually charismatic actors like Ice-T, Henry Rollins, Dina Meyer and Udo Kier are left to flounder in the film’s cluttered back drop and repetitive chases that fail to entertain. Indeed the climax is almost crazy enough to make one forget how dull the rest of this is, but by then it’s too little too late. Ultimately you can tell this movie was torn apart by a committee.

2009-11-18T13:22:00.000-08:00

Timecop (1994) * * 1/2

Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Mia Sara, Ron Silver, Bruce McGill

Directed by Peter Hyams

Time definitely isn’t on Van Damme’s side as he plays a member of the TEC (Time Enforcement Agency), an agency that monitors times and protects it from would be meddlers that would take advantage of time to get rich in the process. Such a meddler is Senator McComb (Well played by the late Silver) who plans to buy the presidency, to which Van Damme has to stop at all costs while also wrestling with his conscience whether to save his wife that died years ago. Timecop is the prime definition of “Big budget bore” A movie that lacks the visceral punch of Van Damme’s earlier Universal Soldier and Double Impact, while not showcasing Van Damme’s screen presence as well as Hard Target. The initial idea is actually quite intriguing, in fact the story and premise aren’t what’s wrong with Timecop, what is, is how Timecop settles into being merely an excuse to watch Van Damme dispose of Ron Silver’s henchman without really breaking a sweat. Normally this would be fine if such a good idea wasn’t being wasted. Indeed what makes Timecop ultimately so disappointing is that it should’ve been so much better, as Hyams chooses to often resist exploration to do such a premise justice. The action is well staged, Hyams keeps Timecop paced well and Silver makes a great bad guy, but ultimately the film settles for mediocrity when more ambition could’ve made this a sci-fi classic.

2009-11-18T13:20:00.001-08:00

On Deadly Ground (1994) *

Cast: Steven Seagal, Michael Caine, John C. McGinley, Joan Chen

Directed by Steven Seagal

Seagal stars an Oil rig safety inspector that finds himself battling his employers (led by Caine in the film only intentionally ridiculous performance) after a disk is stolen that documents cover-ups and safety hazards known by the oil tycoons, Seagal is set up for a hit but (naturally) survives and trains with Native Americans “to be like the bear” in what is an unintentionally laughable eco-friendly thriller which features Seagal utter incompetence as a director. On Deadly Ground is well photographed and the action sequences are adequately staged but this fiasco is pure camp. Michael Caine does show some class in a throwaway role in which he most likely got paid millions for, and despite a good cast, Seagal doesn’t know how to get in any acting out of them. Indeed everyone is black and white good and evil and nowhere in between. The film doesn’t get truly awful until it approaches the Billy Jack-like pacifism approach which finds Seagal almost like an updated version of Billy Jack. Where as one could forgive Billy Jack due to its 70s hippy atmosphere and that Laughlin was a competent director, On Deadly Ground is a disaster by comparison. Mainly because when viewers watch action movies they don’t want a lesson on environmental issues. Indeed the hysterical ending finds Seagal giving a deadly earnest speech about what we can do to help out Mother Nature, of course the fact that he blew up an oil rig and almost set the wilderness on fire to do it is an irony the film never overcomes.